So I just realized I might exhibit one of the common autistic experiences. It certainly feels like overstimulation in a literal sense, previously I’ve thought of it as being overwhelmed or things getting too intense. I snap my fingers, flex my hand, scrabble around with whatever’s in my hand, repeatedly whisper

CW: suicide

“I hate you” or “Kill yourself”

under my breath almost like an incantation, even bash my fists against my temples when it gets bad.

The problem is this is almost always in response to thoughts I’m having or something I remember, which doesn’t seem very external, and everything I read keeps saying it’s only with external stimuli from one’s environment. So is this something else?

Edit: Talked with my therapist and she said this is extremely OCD pilled. Task failed successfully

  • jaywalker [they/them, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    4 days ago

    I do the same thing. I’ve found that I often am dealing with external stimuli that I just never considered to be part of the problem (very late diagnosis).

    So as an example, sometimes when I’m working at my computer I find myself getting frustrated and then slowly start talking to myself in a very similar way as to what you’ve described here. It’s kind of like I don’t realize it’s happening until I’m already 10 minutes in and then I’m experiencing a lot of executive dysfunction, etc.

    Anyway, the point here is that I started analyzing the relationship between my behavior and my environment more after realizing I was autistic. I noticed that I was actually being overstimulated by normal, everyday things and not recognizing the overstimulation. So maybe the washing machine is on and it’s a little too hot/cold, my body hurts, I have to pee, hungry, the lights are bright, etc. This shit all adds up and then I also have work I’m dealing with (I hate it so much), so yeah having a meltdown is inevitable a lot of the time.

    I guess maybe try to think bigger about what you consider external stimuli and see if maybe that makes a difference in how you think about it. Generally I find that there might be one thing I focus on, but it’s really 5+ things that just aren’t as intense on their own