This might sound harsh but honestly atleast my life is really underwhelming, no matter what I try.
I have a wife, 2 dogs, an own house but a decently large debt for the house so I actually dont own it yet and a job I love (nightshift nurse)
It feels like I fckd everything up.
10 years ago my wife and I were in South East Asia, traveling,… now? I have to take care of the house, pay my credit, work
Its not the same going to Thailand only 2 weeks a year. I know many ppl cant afford it but I need that escape.
While my life isnt actually bad it just is bland though. I dont do anything other than play Video games, take care of house and dogs, watch movies, cook stuff…
But where is the excitement?
I quit going to gym, I think I should do that but I catch myself esther staring at the wall than searching for a nearby gym.
As a night nurse I have so much time in the day I would like to barista at a cafe but Im too scared to start that.
I would like to play Board games but my friends rather drink alcohol in Clubs and the next DND or Boardgame groups are 40 minutes by car.
See hpw confused I am I cant even structure this post properly.
I know money isn everything but Id travel the world, give my house away to rent, buy a new smaller house in a few years, do more sport, … somehow it feels life is behind a huge paywall and I have enough to have a decent life.
If I go to Thailand next year I have thoughts in my head like: “This money could be used to pay credit debt instead, or yard stuff, kitchen supply,…” With money I could enjoy it more
I hear you.
Many will likely parse this as hidden depression or an unhappy marriage or a need to find a hobby or something.
I feel like it’s deeper. The whole urban grind lifestyle just doesn’t work for some. They feel the prison bars on their skin. They’re wired for movement and novelty and exploration. And I think that’s perfectly fine. To be celebrated even.
Moreover, I think we’re all like that a bit but find it hard to question modern life which for all of its material gains is, IMO, unnaturally keen to lock people into highly repetitive rhythms and constraining obligations.
We all want to relax and have fun, but someone 100s of years ago decided “fuck that shit, earn me some money” and now we all are being ground to dust in the wheels of capitalism.