Hello everyone,
Firstly I would like to thank everyone for their advice and encouragment during this troubled time it really helped me get out a bit of the hole I’m in and made me feel supported thanks a lot really you’re all amazing people.
Now, the update. Yesterday I went to her place to talk about the situation she was sleeping but she let me in and actually fell asleep myself, once we both were awake I asked her right away why she was just shutting down from me and walking away, she didn’t want to argue or talk at the moment she wasn’t aggressive to be completely honest but she didn’t say anything either she was being normal with me in front of her family and all but well myself I’m weary still. I proposed her to go out for dinner this Friday, but I’m not sure if that was a smart idea since I think it could be awkward to have a conversation like that while eating so I was thinking afterwards have something to drink and try to have a civilized conversation about everything.
In anycase I already have all your input in case everything falls apart which must likely that’s going to be the outcome of this but at least in my head once I have an answer I’m able to rest since I don’t have to think if she wants anything serious with me or not and I can finally have my grievance time in peace.
If it is not much to ask, how would you go thru this conversation without being to soft? Like I think I have to impose myself but I struggle to do so since usually when I feel anger I explode and actually I had to go thru anger management so nowadays I cannot even scream at people when I get frustrated which I think is a good thing but also I don’t fight back now in fears to harm people.
Thanks once more everyone.
In this post you say she’s a “possible narcissist” but you don’t explain why you think that. Even if she is one that’s not a inherently bad thing. As someone who is a diagnosed narcissist I can tell you that it mostly affects the person with it more than anyone else. It’s a hard thing to live with, we require constant attention and we’ve very competitive to say the least. It’s like having autism or something similar. I understand my NPD isn’t a good thing but it doesn’t define me. Nobody is defined by there diagnosis.
Hi thanks for your response, I’m not saying it’s necessarily bad like trust me I wish I could help her get better and for her to realize that there’s something going on with her and that’s not necessarily her fault but the thing with her is that she’s unwilling to do something despite I’ve tried in subtle ways to let her know she needs to go and seek help in order to feel better and make sense of her things just like what happened with me and my ADHD and depression. Nonetheless I think that it is really difficult to stick with someone that’s unwilling to seek the help needed and that’s harming people around her you know ? And I know it is cause of the disorder that she might be unable to proceed with the steps in order for her to get better but at the same time the damage she has done to other people and to herself is getting out of control and sadly I cannot do anything even tho I tried to give her all the love and empathy possible, like she cheated on me, deminished my feelings and went to the point that she said I didn’t have anything wrong with me and that I was just a selfish person even tho I’ve tried to stay with her until I couldn’t do it anymore. I know it is hard for you too trust me I get it and still till this day I wish I could help her shine and get better I loved her truly with all my heart but I think she’ll need to crash in order to realize that she has an issue and she pushed people that cared away
Sorry if It sounded I was not being empathetic but trust me again I know what you mean you are humans and you deserve what we are looking for love and comprehension. Send you a big hug and I’m glad that you managed to take the steps to get better
It’s probably never going to be “the right time”. Don’t keep putting it off.
She doesn’t get to tell you how you feel, so if and when she argues with your feelings, do not engage. There is no argument. You don’t have to convince her that you deserve to feel that way. Just say how you feel again.
You should try being assertive, you can look it up, but essentially it’s a healthier communication style that emphasizes on facts and feeling. For example, you shouldn’t say you don’t care for me, instead say you cancelling our date made me feel dismissed.
You can look it up online, essentially it’s a middle ground between being passive or aggressive.
Keep in mind that every feeling is valid, and trying to pursuade someone otherwise is the art of gaslighting. Emotional manipulation and gaslighting, are common in a Narcissist’s playbook, if you feel you emotions are invalidated don’t angry, instead leave it’s not worth your time.
