Share some activities you’ve been interested in doing but couldn’t do because you’re closeted.
Transmasc, Transfem, Nonbinary, and Gender Non-Conforming answers are all welcome and encouraged here.
- meet up with friends again
- (sounds weird, but) plan my future and not be so short sighted.
- Going climbing
- Wear super cool clothing
- Be gay <3 (and finding someone for me)
- Remove the large towels from my mirrors (mostly a transition thing tho)
- Maybe find interests which don’t just serve as distractions from the status quo
- Hopefully invest into a different career path
- occasionally taking on an ‘entertainer’-like character without it seeming naturally *masculine*
When I was closeted I often thought about transitioning as just a way for me to finally wear dresses and skirts in public that I was secretly wearing at home. And when considering whether to take things further, I would weigh all the downsides of transition (the cost, the social stigma, the danger, relying on exogenous hormones the rest of my life, etc.) against those benefits and it would make them seem not worth it.
But in retrospect, transition was different than I thought - estrogen changed my mood and solved mental health problems I didn’t realize were even problems, that I had lived with my whole life and had internalized as normal and just part of who I was. I would have never understood how important or necessary transition would be to my basic health and sanity.
So yeah, now I get to make and wear amazing outfits every day I would have never dreamed of before, but that’s not really what makes transition worth it, it’s like a side bonus. The truth is that I needed those exogenous hormones, transition wasn’t choosing to need them, I needed them the whole time. The need wasn’t optional - in a real sense transition wasn’t optional.
I find that interesting because I really expected to wind up more butch than I did. I transitioned for the body and to be seen as a woman socially. I didn’t even really start wearing makeup until I learned eyeshadow while recovering from bottom surgery.
Huh, did you mean to respond to a different comment? Sorry, I’m just not sure how your story relates to mine. I’m interested though! What got you interested in eyeshadow at that point, and what was that process like?
Personally I learned makeup before starting hormones, and it was crucial for the months of waiting for my first appointment. There were times I became suicidal where makeup legit helped me recover emotionally. But I wouldn’t expect myself to be butch, I’m a femme (even though I’m not straight).
The differences between our initial approaches to our transness was interesting to me. Mine being “I may not even bother with anything beyond jeans and tshirts I just want a female body under it” vs your wondering if hormones would be worthwhile and wanting them to enable you to be comfortable dressing feminine everywhere.
I’d been interested in learning for a while but that was a period of about a month stuck at home with a huge financial burden finally lifted. And yeah I was in my process of accepting that I’m a femme I wouldn’t be taken any less seriously as a lesbian seeking badass vibes if I was a femme.
I had tried crossdressing for years before transitioning and it’d always only made me more dysphoric. The thing that made me embrace that I was trans was homemade breast forms. So to me a lot of makeup was also for a long while associated with that time period. I just wore eyeliner on special occasions.
I could have not transitioned, but the alternative wasn’t staying cis. The alternative was not growing old.
Yeah same ~
(I’m working on it, okay)
You can do it!
That’s about right.
It’s funny how I held on and didn’t transition for other people, but when I transitioned pretty much nobody cared that much. Transition felt impossible and so selfish before transitioning, yet on other side it seems like it was self-destructive to not transition and trivial compared to how difficult I thought it was going to be. (Though transition is difficult, don’t let me mislead - it’s just not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and there are so many things that went better than I thought.)
I guess this is just a lesson in how easy it is to rationalize and build up your fears, and how you are your own biggest barrier.
I desperately want to do a spa day and get properly pampered…
Shaving. Now, that also does have something to do with low self-esteem and being scared about how I’d look without beard since I am bearded for half my life and didn’t shave my face smooth since I was 16, but I’d like to try but then everybody and their mom would ask why and I don’t want to answer (I’m a bad liar and don’t feel comfortable lying, too).
Edit: I appreciate y’all wanting to help, but please stop. I didn’t ask for advice, I’ll probably eventually figure something out and I kinda feel pressured and pushed, it’s really not great. Sharing your own experiences is fine, but more is really not needed (especially if you’re suggesting coming up with excuses)
I get that. I didn’t shave my beard until the weekend before starting hormones. It was an armor I grew to protect myself (partly from seeing my face) and I let it go when it was time. I had the same reasons for not shaving sooner. So grow it until you’re ready to shed it sister. Your body is yours alone.
Hey, I’m just here after reading your edit, and I just want to say that you’re totally valid.
I have a big bushy beard and I wear dresses and skirts and such. I know that I’m definitely in the minority, but fuck it, life’s too short not to do what you want.
Ever since I was a kid I wanted a beard like my dad. Now that it’s come fully in, I haven’t shaved my face in a decade. It’s at least as much a part of my identity as my femininity, and the two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
Anyway, I don’t want to add to the pressure you’re feeling. You’re the only one who can say how you should live your life, and there’s no wrong answers. But I’ve lived in the closet for a long time, and while I was there it might not have been comfortable, but it felt safe. But now that I’m out, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“Because I want to” is a valid answer.
It should be, but isn’t exactly for my family. They’re already completely losing their shit when I tap a toe outside my usual ‘I wear black until there’s something darker’-presentation.
“I bought an electric razor to try it out and see if it’s more efficient, but accidentally shore a giant hole in my beard and had to do damage control” is also a valid answer.
That’s how I ended up full-body shaving (feels so much better); got an electric on a whim, did a section, waited a day, did another section
clogged my tub drainand said “fuck it”, and did everything below the neck 😅
Not that you should need an excuse, but if you wanted one…
Anytime I clean shaved, it usually genuinely started with me trimming.
But then I take too much on one side, which looks weird and I try to make the other side symmetrical but I take too much there too until it’s unsalvageable and I just give up and shave everything.Either that or…
“I found a spider in there when I woke up”
I don’t know anyone who would question that logic.Edit: sorry, I had missed the part about avoiding lies in your first comment.
Yeah, I kinda wanna try shaving off my beard as well. It’d be a bit problematic for me though, all my ID has me with a beard, and i look completely different without it (photo ID gets checked a lot for work). Whole reason I grew it was because it’s so dense and grows so fast shaving smooth regularly was a pain in the ass.
Does your beard grow quick though? But yeah, how much a full, thick beard changes your appearance is often underestimated.
When I shaved and people noticed, I just told them I used to shave that way or that I’ve always preferred it this way, and the only reason I had a beard before was because I was so busy for a while and stopped shaving to save time, so I was just getting back to my normal habits. You can probably find a similar excuse, that you have always preferred it this way and you’re just getting back into it.
I should emphasize: men shave all the time, there is nothing suspicious about shaving your beard, hard stop.
Rubbing your own smooth chin after a long time without shaving is so weirdly pleasant even though I can’t find the words to describe the feeling properly.
Been there, done that. What helped me was two things.
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Finding out nobody cared that much about my beard missing, except some close friends/partner but they also know me
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Just saying “I wanted to try something new” which is definitely not a lie :3
Honestly shaving makes a huuge difference. Even now, a couple of months into hrt and permanent hair removal the difference a fresh shave makes for my self-recognition in the mirror is astounding!
- Finding out nobody cared that much about my beard missing, except some close friends/partner but they also know me
It’s mostly about my family, especially my mom. She’s a different kind of judgmental sometimes. And she’s the last person I want to get a sniff about me changing in any way.
Honestly shaving makes a huuge difference.
I know… I’m happy it’s long pants season again so I can shave my legs and it hits completely different.
I might shave my face, too, but only when I don’t have to meet with my family for a few weeks so I can grow some of my beard back. After New Year is probably gonna be good time since it’s probably scarf season anyway.
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Maybe keep trimming it shorter and shorter until it’s gone?
I was able to use covid as an excuse as there was a chance I was going to go back to work in the labs and the advice to workers was to be clean shaven if possible. I don’t miss it one bit and after the first time I met somebody I knew they never commented on it again.
Ask the cute guy to cuddle :c
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