• just_kitten@aussie.zone
    13·
    2 months ago

    I need to dump this somewhere so please ignore these very long rambles. This has been a week.

    very angry venting

    Still bitter and angry about the 15% rent increase and the consequent spiraling of how much it costs to exist. Part of me wants to move on and settle it asap and block it from my brain and beat myself into submission, another wants to distract myself from it completely, both want to get away from the volcano of absolute rage that’s ready to spiral out of control and burn everything in its path.

    Alright, let’s have at it: FUCK you, LL, for trying to come across as understanding or nice, you are NOT my friend, I believe NOTHING about how much you “value” me because if you did you wouldn’t be slugging a fucking $75/week increase BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO MAXIMISE YOUR PROFIT OUT OF PEOPLE’S NEED TO HOUSE THEMSELVES. This is not a relationship you “value” by demanding more money JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN. Just keep it to what it is, this is a TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP and if you had a smidgeon of empathy you wouldn’t fucking highball it at first opportunity. Fuck the fuck off with your attempt to be personable and magnanimous. I will keep my angry outbursts here because I’m not an idiot and I will stay civil but I will NOT grovel. I will be offering absolutely no more leeway on inspections, maintenance, etc. And fuck if I’m going to do a complete spotless clean of the place when I leave - I’m claiming my bond the second I’m out and you can fucking take it to vcat over fair wear and tear for how much you’ve fucking earned from me over the years especially as you don’t even need to pay REA fees. You will get absolutely no more energy from me. You’ve taken enough. Go get fucked and I hope you DO get worse tenants here on out who make your life a nightmare. Enjoy being a bloodsucking leech.

    and now for the part where I try to calm myself down

    Sigh… Okay. Now the positive of this whole shitshow is, it puts some fire under my arse to sort out my job situation and motivates me to finish up my business in Melbourne and get the fuck out. I’ve been wanting a change in scenery for ages - first it was “once lockdowns are over”, then “once I get PR”, then “once I quit my job”, then “once my niece settles in”… but this time is it: once I finish up uni in June I am GONE. I knew that studying would involve an earning hit and it was something I needed to invest in for myself. That I’d need to pay myself a bit to get it done.

    So, here it is. I’m going to honour my commitment… but the clock has been set. I’ve been drifting for quite a while trying to get from one week to the next… now at least I know I am approaching the end of a chapter. Closure is coming. I won’t forever be stuck in this helltrap of running faster and faster just to stay in place. I will slam the book shut on all the covid/work/friendship yucks, and clear out space in my life for a fresh start. There is relief and determination and growth amidst the anger, and the deep-seated fear and anxiety of not feeling safe and secure of my own housing. I used to feel sad about possibly leaving Melbourne some day, selling up my things, giving away my plants: now I’m honestly ready. will change the narrative. I do not have control over everything, but I will not be a victim; I have so many more options than I used to… I have value beyond paying off someone else’s mortgage. I will not be beaten down into misery. I will change the narrative.

    and now for some practical steps forward...
    • Cathartic release/dump so I can feel okay enough to go back into my home - tick.
    • drs appt for mental health referral - tick.
    • Look at cost of comparable rentals in area as benchmark.
    • Look at what my finances and working capacity is; budget for mental health.
    • Come up with compromise rental $ amount, take a deep breath, and send brief email to LL. Remind myself I will have 60 days from official notice. I will be OK.
    • check EBA for notice period for job I have to quit
    • Draft resignation letter and handover actions
    • Schedule chat with other job about bringing hours up
    • Start writing down moving out ideas. Who gets what. Which things to sell off. What services to cancel. Clearing out the pantry slowly. Etc.

    I need to keep telling myself - I got this. This will be a challenging period going forward. Thank heavens for the cat. Speaking of:

    and now for something completely different

    Number one. The White Area of Do-Not-Touch.

    • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
      9·
      2 months ago

      All I can say is I feel the abject rage towards REs and LLs in my soul and relate hard.

      I believe in you, and the list and changes you want to fulfill and make happen. You are intelligent and strong, and you will find peace and happiness away from this place 💜

      • just_kitten@aussie.zone
        5·
        2 months ago

        Thank you 😭❤️ It means a lot to receive empathy as I have noone at home to vent to and I can’t keep it in. I’m just done with trying to survive on my own here, I need to know there is an end point. It doesn’t help that I messed up the maths on the amount and it’s actually a 21% increase ($115/week). Hahahaha get fucked srsly.

        I’ve already ticked off a few things on the list - at least I have a better idea of timeframes to act on and what my options are. It’s a constant battle convincing my nervous system that I’m not trapped, I’m safe, I have a way out, I deserve to exist. I’m so worn out, I’m going to bed.

    • Llabyrinthine@aussie.zone
      2·
      2 months ago

      I hear you. I’ve been on both sides. As a LL where it didn’t cover all expenses not to mention damage just due to having average tenants, but c’est la vie. I’ve probably been a tenant for more years than a LL and I’m generally chill if the rent is stable to point of taking care of easy repairs, but yeah, when it keeps going up, then for sure, you need get them to maintain the property. Even the small things we lodged to get done, some of it has been done by the most dodgiest, useless tradespeople, ever. Definitely don’t bother going out of your way to be accommodating. After a certain point they don’t care anyway.

      Only thing I can appreciate is that I’ve been in this one long enough to make a case for aircon. That only took about 5 years (been here longer than that).

      You have got this. I hope you feel better. 🖤

  • Tofu@aussie.zone
    11·
    2 months ago

    got home at 1, up at 8:30 for breakfast and movie, home at 1 again tonight, alarm at 4 to see if aurora is here and whether sky is clear

    GRINDSET

    • imoldgreeeg@aussie.zone
      7·
      2 months ago

      My favourite sat thing is to get up at 6am like normal, open blinds, brush teeth etc then crawl back into bed

    • indisin@aussie.zone
      4·
      2 months ago

      Edit: glad I got rid of the work profile on my phone.

      When and why did it become normal for companies to not provide you with a dedicated phone when they expect you to need a phone 24/7?

      • Gibsonhasafluffybutt@aussie.zoneEnglish
        3·
        2 months ago

        Honestly I don’t want to carry 2 phones. And having the work profile is optional, not a requirement. Whereas if I was issued a seperate work phone, I’d have to carry it with me.

  • Tofu@aussie.zone
    9·
    2 months ago

    It’s Super Star Saturday! Free coffee voucher for those who complete the optional upskill module!

    • Gibsonhasafluffybutt@aussie.zoneEnglish
      15·
      2 months ago

      The “People and Culture” team would like to remind you that the upskill modules are compulsory and are not to be completed during work hours.

      Also note, those who fail to complete the modules by Monday, or do not receive a minimum of 50% pass mark will be placed on a performance management plan.

      Vouchers are limited to 1 small coffee when a purchase of $10 or more is made.

      Enjoy your weekend!

  • just_kitten@aussie.zone
    9·
    2 months ago

    Woke up early but was still all puffy and congested and emotional from last night’s shock email. Trying not to let anger take over and focusing on the good things… grateful that I’m catching up with a friend today. Parking in Carlton has really changed. Nearly everything is 2P till 7pm, all my good weekend street parking spots are gone. Fair enough, I just wish there was better PT connection - the new train stations can’t open soon enough.

  • wscholermann@aussie.zone
    8·
    2 months ago

    Everyone is always so sad allegedly when someone dies. Were you there for them when they really needed it? Did you even pick up the phone?

    All this talk about mental health is incredibly cheap.

    • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
      9·
      2 months ago

      Of course it is, because no one ever really wants to be close to someone struggling with their own mind. They prefer performative care, so they can receive sympathy, but do not actually care about the person truly struggling.

      The mentally unwell are chronically alone and lonely, I can attest, with few real, genuine human connections, because they are just there to make others feel good about themselves. Even their death is capitalised upon for further sympathy and attention.

      I wonder why I have so few genuine, caring friends, but why wonder when the answer is they don’t actually care. They just like others telling them how kind and selfless they are. It’s disgusting that the mentally unwell are only “cared for and about” when they’re fucking dead and it doesn’t mean anything to them.

      personal experience

      My own family, the side I still see, doesn’t call or text me despite knowing what I go through, and have suffered through. They never called to check in when I lived through my egg doners severe neglect, just made excuses. They didn’t check in when I ended up isolated and raped daily by my ex for 8yrs. But they are quick to say “if you need anything, let us know!”. Well I said call me occasionally, just a msg to see how I’m going, and they cannot even do that, so I may as well rot away and they can all have their performative sadness and attention when I pass away. My own dad doesn’t even call, even when I initiate contact. So yeah, fuck anyone who pretends they cared, just to take their fill of the attention they obviously so desperately crave.

      • Seagoon_@aussie.zoneOP
        5·
        2 months ago

        So many hugs.

        I know I’m just an internet friend but I am always here if you need, you can msg me anytime and if possible i can real life help to if i can.

        • Seagoon_@aussie.zoneOP
          6·
          2 months ago

          experience

          spoiler

          Having very obvious cptsd and the lack of control of emotions and emotional expression that is part of that was a real eye opener.

          People can be so fucking cruel. The number of people who saw I couldn’t help my feelings and reactions and made me suffer with cruel words was too high. Absolute sadists.

          It gave me insight into why many veterans with ptsd commit suicide, the pain is so great and sadists take advantage.

          I think one day I will do charity work with vets with ptsd

        • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
          6·
          2 months ago

          Thank you seagoon, I offer the same to you. Those who understand, understand the importance of human connection and bonding. This community has been a bastion, and you the shining pure gem at its center. 💜

    • SpinMeAround@aussie.zone
      5·
      2 months ago

      Death brings out the worst in people. I’ve seen it up close too many times. People make others deaths about themselves, about how they feel, about their guilt. Because they know they could have done more, whether in the moment or overall, but chose not to. And you know, sometimes they can’t do more, sometimes their plate is already overflowing, but that doesn’t mean they get to make the death about them.

  • melbaboutown@aussie.zone
    8·
    2 months ago

    I’ve done nothing today. This probably isn’t helping my physical health or my mood, but the inertia. 😞

  • PeelerSheila @aussie.zone
    8·
    2 months ago

    Ah that’s a sleep in for me! Think I’ve got shopping on the agenda for today, Elder Minipeeler wants some new clothes. Miniest needs some too, she’s got this habit of chewing her shirts. But she’s decided to take up crocheting in the past couple of days so she’s stopped chewing her shirts as much, being busy with her hands. Then it’s baking a cake and wrapping gifts for Mr P’s birthday, which we’re doing tomorrow out of convenience (he doesn’t mind).