Americans have already started noticing a decline in toilet paper rolls in their local stores as customer apparently bulk buy - despite the majority of paper being produced domestically
Toilet paper ‘panic buying’ has been reported in parts of the country, as Americans fear the impact of the ongoing port strike.
Roughly 45,000 members of the International Longshoremen’s Association walked out on Tuesday morning after their contract with the ports expired. News that the strike could impact 36 ports appears to have led some consumers to buy rolls upon rolls of toilet paper in a panic, with shoppers posting pictures of their local stores with empty shelves.
Social media users in New Jersey, Colorado, Virginia and other states reported shelves cleaned out of toilet paper.
I’d rather see people panic buying toilet paper than ammunition
Yeah, but I can tell you from COVID that when you’re getting close to running out of it, all the people panic buying toilet paper that didn’t need to make you a little bit cross.
Take solace in the fact that all the people that bought thousands of rolls with the intent to scalp them basically lost all that money after inventory caught up a month later.
Sounds like a trailer park boys story arc honestly
Julian starts scalping TP, gets Cory and Trevor (or their more recent replacements) to break in and steal TP from homes to make people need to buy them.
Lahey and Randy oppose this at first, but Julian is able to neutralize Lahey when he reminds him how important having TP is for those mornings after nights of heavy drinking. Lahey agrees to leave them alone and run interference on law enforcement in return for 3 rolls of TP a day. “Are you sure that’s going to be enough, Mr Lahey?” Randy asks.
Bubbles wants to avoid getting involved, seeing how pissed off it will make folks with Julian gouging the fuck out of everyone, but eventually agrees to let Julian store his TP in his shed, which is quickly taken over by it.
Ricky says the whole thing is fucking stupid, you don’t even need TP. Ends up in horrible discomfort and pain due to using poison ivy to wipe his ass.
Julian had been dumping most of his significant profits into expanding his venture (and puts the rest into an expensive car and home entertainment equipment, which he showed off in a scene entirely devoid of TP, including a part where someone grabs a roll to wipe their face and Julian stops them with a, “Don’t use that, you don’t know where that nasty shit has been, here use this tissue”, then the scene cuts to Bubbles unable to enter his shed because it’s entirely full of TP and shot ends with him panicking about his kitties"
Ricky discovers that, after the poison ivy, wiping with stinging nettles feels great because it scratches the ivy rash.
Bubbles and Julian discover that his kitties are fine and looove the TP, to Julian’s dismay because they shred the shit out of a few rolls. He had been resisting Bubbles’ complaints and requests to move it up to that point, immediately decides to move them to shopping carts outside.
People start complaining about the TP getting softer because of the humidity. Most of them are stolen from homes, so they aren’t sealed. Julian has to lower prices.
Ricky is found feverish and delirious in a ditch while Julian, Bubbles, Cory, and Trevor are on their way to heist a TP delivery that will ruin Julian’s business. Julian finally decides to put his friendship before profit and they take Ricky to the ER.
While there, Julian also agrees it’s time to ramp down his business because they couldn’t stop the truck and know that more are coming even if they did.
Then, as they exit the ER, it starts to rain.
Perfection, that was a lot of fun.
I just buy toilet paper from Costco once every one to two months and I’m fine…these people are insane, stupid, or both. Seriously WTF does toilet paper have to do with survival? Just get a bidet if it gives you this much anxiety FFS.
Yeah it hasn’t even been 5 years since this shit happened during COVID and people can’t remember how ridiculous it was back then. How much toilet paper is even being shipped here from overseas and not manufactured using the billions of trees we have here in North America? Shit like this, or people panic buying gasoline and filling up trash bags with it, gives me a little bit of insight as to why the ruling class treats us like cattle.
God that was so fucking stupid. I hated it so much since I usually buy one of those 48 rolls packages to last me awhile. Well, I happened to be down to a few rolls when the panic happened, so I looked like one of those assholes.
God I hate people. Why is that the thing everyone panic buys?
That was 5 yrs ago? Feels like 2. Unfortunately lot of these idiots lack the capability to learn from mistakes.
There are people who benefit financially from these panics. The companies selling the goods, and the news who have a good news story. And politicians.
Sure, but it’s still fucking stupid.
Indubitably.
Don’t forget the scalpers hoping to make a quick buck.
I buy the bulk packs of super thick type and hardly need any so it lasts me like 3 rolls a year.
I’d love a bidet anyway but i refuse to do anything the landlord might get huffy about
the cheap ones are so easy to connect and disconnect that i don’t think you could possibly fuck up enough for them to notice you did anything
It requires MAYBE an adjustable wrench or pliers. Your landlord will never know. Easily returned to original configuration in minutes. Do it!
You go through bulk Costco toilet paper in 2 months? Either a large family or the cleanest bung hole this side of the Mississippi.
Five person family. Two adults and three kids.
Morons don’t even understand that toilet paper is domestically produced, not imported, so a dockworker’s strike would have fuck-all impact on the supply of it anyway.
The bidet is the way.
Hell yes. Installed bidets last time this nonsense happened and I will never go back.
Anyone not enjoying the luxury of a bidet doesn’t know what they’re missing.
Anyone not enjoying the luxury of a bidet is pooping like a Neanderthal
The moment I finished using a bidet for the first time, I had this revelation… my entire life, up until this point, I’ve been walking around with a filthy disgusting paper-wiped ass.
It was exactly the same for me.
Clean ass bros 🤜🤛
Whatever our differences may be, on this we certainly agree 🤜🤛
This is probably a stupid question, but how do you dry your ass afterwards?
You could use a single sheet or two sheets of paper or you could use just use a hand towel that you have specifically for the purpose of patting dry your wet bum. Obviously the hand towel would be a personal thing, so if this is a shared bathroom maybe suggest one or two squares of paper to do a little dab dab on the tush tush
You dry your as with bidet paper, obviously.
We have truly learned nothing
I learned something. The Koch brothers have some sort of secret campaign to make people afraid of not being able to wipe their ass during a disaster. I’m sorry, people, toilet paper is a luxury I will forego if the end is truly upon us.
I just can’t relate to other people. It makes me think these guys get up in the morning, check their TP stash first thing, and breathe a sigh of relief knowing their ass is safe for what ever diarrhea related emergency life has in store that day.
Glad we bought a bidet after the last wrath of morons did this.
“wrath of morons” has a nice ring to it.
Is this the new America? Disaster is looming, so buy toilet paper?
It’s not even a disaster, like, the port workers wouldn’t strike so long as to actually threaten the country, they live in it. It’s only a disaster if you’re trying to avoid paying them more
It’s only a disaster if you’re trying to avoid paying them more
So, it’s a disaster then.
I would say it’s a looming disaster in terms of the average price of goods for consumers when they are already living paycheck to paycheck in many cases.
I am on the side of the port workers, don’t get me wrong, but the fallout from this strike will hurt people.
Well, maybe the company should give the workers what they want then.
I am on the side of the port workers
Yes but not just disasters. Toilet paper got sold out before the last solar eclipse. Americans buy toilet paper because it’s one of the few things they can still do with agency. It makes them feel like they accomplished something
Didn’t we learn from the pandemic that most toilet paper is produced with country borders due to high shipping costs?
I think most of the general pop stopped paying attention by the time that was clear. Hopefully more idiots will try to scalp TP and stores will refuse their returns when the scalpers realize any shortages caused by runs (heh) are temporary.
IIRC, the shortage in 2020 was only in stores and warehouse storage didn’t even get fully tapped out before things stabilized.
I also remember going to the stores and being surprised there was still tons of pasta while people were scrambling for TP. I didn’t use a bidet at that time (do now though), but even then my thought was “even if we run out of TP entirely, you can just start taking a shower after shitting, but there isn’t an easy alternative if the food runs out”. The pasta runs came later, but I was already stocked up.
This a problem for people who don’t have a bidet. Gross people.
You can use your hand
Yeah, it’s easier if you lick your hand first. You’ll get used to the taste after a while
I truly do not understand my fellow countryfolks’ minds. Why toilet paper, again?
A quick search can tell you what goods might be affected, and paper products don’t even make the list! https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/transportation/2024/10/01/strike-at-the-port-of-ny-and-nj-what-imports-are-affected/75468183007/
Imports into the Port of NY and NJ
- Furniture
- Appliances, machinery and parts
- Plastics
- Beverages, spirits and vinegar
- Electric machinery and parts
- Apparel and accessories, knit
- Rubber
- Vehicles and parts
- Iron and steel
- Toys, games, sports equipment
So as you’d expect: cars, furniture, electronics, fast fashion, some raw materials
In other words, very little that is essential or that you’ll miss in the next few months, but a lot of luxury things that cheap importers make a lot of money on.
Honestly, we’d be better off as a country if we permanently stopped importing a lot of this shit and went back to making it outselves.
we’d be better off as a country if we permanently stopped importing a lot of this shit and went back to making it outselves.
Of course.
But there’s more short-term profits to be made for a select few if we close even more factories where they have to pay (more-or-less) a living wage and outsource to low wage countries.
Why always the fucking toilet paper? Time to finally get the bidet.
Labor power has apparently scared the shit out of us to such a degree that no amount of toilet paper will ever be enough to wipe it up.
Don’t they already have a stockpile from last time?
These people need to be banned from doing this lmao
As someone watching from outside (and a born and bred bidet user), this is hilarious.
My area appears to have been hit with a paper towel shortage first. Attempted to get some at Costco today because we legit needed it, but they had none. Went to Lidl and they were running low, but was able to procure some.
