Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Yes, that’s how habits work. They are mostly automatic.
No, that’s not how brushing your teeth, flossing, taking the time to exercise or drinking water works as those are not habits at all.
PS: Drinking water might be the exception. You might be able to create a habit out of it… by taking the concious choice to always make some water readily available…
Yeah, it feels strange to say something like “I have a habit of locking my door when I come inside, I don’t even think about it, it is totally automatic for me” and then say “I don’t have a habit of going to the gym because I have to consciously make effort to do it.” Like yeah, no shit going to the gym “takes effort” that locking a door doesn’t. That doesn’t make one a habit and not a habit.
There seems to be two usages of habit going on and they’re being conflated. Something as big as exercising cannot become so automatic that you do it without thinking. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a “habit.” Things as easy as buckling a seatbelt or locking a door can become automatic and thoughtless but that isn’t the aspect that makes them habits.
I find it hard to make these criticisms because I don’t want to sound like I’m saying “just get over it” for dealing with ADHD. I have it too. There are tons of things that I’m jealous of neurotypical folks of for being able to do easily. I get the feeling of this post but I can’t help but feel that they have totally misunderstood what people mean by habits. I also still feel like developing good habits might be easier for neurotypical folks, but the idea that they just do something as complex and involved as exercising totally on autopilot rather than deciding to go do it is off. It’s easy to get into this self defeating mindset with ADHD of feeling like you can’t do something. I don’t want people to fall into that trap just because they misunderstand what people mean by the word habit.
Yeah it seems like a lot of people are confusing routines with habits. It’s definitely possible to get into a routine of going to the gym, eating a healthy breakfast, and then showering and brushing your teeth. None of those things are effortless, nor will they ever be.
I have entirely forgotten glasses of water and plates of food for 6+ hours at a time that are directly next to me. The struggle is real.
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Thank you. I appreciate the politeness.