Hey all, I hope this post is okay
I’m currently going through a very high anxiety moment and have been having panic attacks all weekend. I’m still in one.
I’ve got a doctor appointment scheduled for next week, but I need some encouragement and advice to calm things down right now.
I have avoidant anxiety. When I was a student and I started having panic attacks for the first time. I couldn’t force myself out of the house and stopped showing up at work and got myself fired and failed out of my classes. It took me years to recover.
I found a therapist privately back then and did CBT and it helped make things manageable enough that for years things were okay. She’s no longer working, and I specifically avoided drugs then but I think that was a mistake.
I’ve been working for over a decade and have been carefully managing my anxiety with only a couple incidents. I worked in small companies, then did independent contracting, but now I’ve been in corporate jobs since COVID.
The last couple years I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety. As soon as everyone started doing mass layoffs and tightening the belt I’ve been struggling hard. The last few months it’s gotten exponentially wise, and it’s beyond my ability to manage.
I can’t focus anymore, sitting at my desk gives me a panic attack every day, then I fail to meet my deadlines, so I stay up all night pushing myself, which boosts my anxiety.
I feel like I’m on a treadmill running full speed, but I’m tired, I can’t breath anymore, I have that feeling if I run anymore my legs will collapse. But I’m on a treadmill, if I fall I get wrangled and crushed, even though I know I can’t keep running.
Man I just need someone to say they know how I feel, that I’m not alone, and to help me push the next week until my appointment.
Edit: thank you everyone, you all helped me through that moment and I’m feeling clearer right now. You said some things that were what I needed to hear, with concrete advice, and I can’t express how much I appreciate that.
It’s going to be a rough week and I have a lot to think about
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You are not alone.
It seems to me that you are having a very reasonable reaction to a difficult situation. If I was in your position, I would also feel extreme anxiety. I know nothing about you, but, from what you have shared, I would like to commend you for your anxiety. It is evidently clear from what you write that you take your responsibilities to your employer and your family very seriously. A nonchalant attitude in the face of a life-changing event like the one you are facing would belie a lack of concern for the people closest to you, who depend on you and whom you care for.
These appear to be serious matters and you are taking them seriously, even to the extent that it causes you some extreme discomfort. This is a commendable commitment to duty and to the welfare of others.
Suppose there were a magic button that could make the anxiety disappear, however it would also cause the motivation for that anxiety - say, love, duty, commitment to excellence - it would make these also disappear. You would no longer be bothered by your precarious position, but you would also become someone unconcerned with their own wellbeing and the wellbeing of those around them.
If you had such a button, would you push it?
I don’t know, that button is what I thought the medication was for a long time, and honestly I’m ready to press it.
I’ve tried not pushing the button, but I can’t keep living this way, I need to try something different before I fall apart and lose everything all over again.
If there were a magic button that made me not care at all, I would not press it, that’s not how I want to live life. But if there were medications that just mute these feelings, yes I would try.
I will say thank you, I do care deeply, and I value the people in my life, and I value being good at what I do and being accountable.
I’d like to say that your choice is praiseworthy. Despite your difficult circumstances, you would rather experience this very painful condition than disregard the people in your life that matter to you.
What if you could have the best of both worlds? What if you could experience the anxiety that has helped you be aware of dangers in an uncertain environment, but not experience such a high level of anxiety that it interferes with your work and sleep?
If so, try figuring out where that more desireable level of anxiety is. This would be two questions: first, on a scale of 1 - 10, where would you rate your current anxiety? (I think we know the answer to that one) second, what do you think would be the appropriate amount of anxiety for someone in your situation?
If you can answer those, perhaps there can be a way to reduce your anxiety without losing the good things about yourself that the anxiety denotes.
I’d say I’m at like 8.5/10
I’m not immenently dying or at risk of physical harm. But I am hunched over a bucket trying not to puke, heart racing, gut in a knot like it’s going to burst, and needing conscious breathing.
In my situation objectively I should be at like a 4. So that’s not great.
You’re right, being at an 8.5 in anxiety when you think a 4 would be appropriate does not seem great to me. However, knowing this may make for a better target than no anxiety, particularly given the circumstances.
If you are open to it, you might consider the Feeling Good App. Although I have not personally used it, a close and trusted friend was involved with the development of the app. Also, the methods used have been very helpful to me and have also allowed me to help others.
If you try it and like it, perhaps you can let me know. I know that my friend would enjoy knowing that he was part of something that helped someone.
I know exactly how you feel. Im In a very similar boat and im still trying to figure out why and exactly what it is im experiencing. A couple of good techniques I use is something called grounding where you do small things that stimulate every sense and make a mental note of exactly what the stimuli feels/smells/tastes like. for example a popsicle when you eat it focus on the how it feels cold to you, how the sweet flavor is, if its chewy or crunchy. Then do the same with touch, smell, and sound something that has a unique texture. Fidget toys are great for this but it can be something as simple as velcro youll eventually find a medium of the technique that works best for you.
When that fails for me I actually find it better to get a little exercise by taking a walk at a pace slightly higher than a stroll. I dont push myself much at all and let my body dictate when its ready for a rest. If you smoke or vape you may want to consider weaning yourself off that. Im not sure how much of a correlation it has to anxiety but for me I seem to do better when I vape lower percentages with the goal of getting to 0% nicotine. Caffeine can be a triggering substance too.
Sleep and diet is really big as well. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep and make sure that sleep is good deep sleep. If you’re getting a lot of sleep but its not good sleep do what you can to improve your sleep hygiene. A big part of that eating well not only could this be a result of a deficiency but it generally affects everything. Not just low carb or low calorie foods but also foods that satisfy your vitamin and mineral needs. Fruits and vegetables are obvious but make sure its a good spread of them not just the ones you like. Im bad at this part but I have two places near me that makes very healthy and fulfilling dishes that have tons of good vegetables in them. Lastly, dont be afraid of medication I got prescribed daily Lexapro and started out on the low dose (5mg) and only recently got upped to 10mg and also recently Klonopin for occasional use when I have times of heightened anxiety. It makes me drowsy but it has turned times where I knew id be able to barely function into fairly enjoyable times where im just a little sleepy.
Sorry if my writing is sort of all over the place ive been in a quite high anxiety mode as of late too and it really makes focusing hard as im sure you know but the big thing to keep coming back to in your mind is know this: You will be ok, it is ok. Dont worry about what others think and you are taking the right steps in asking for help, as well as going to a doctor. It is not selfish as you are genuinely in need and I hope you find peace.
Thank you. Your writing was not sloppy. It means a lot to say I’m not selfish, I’m very scared of putting more pressure on my wife to keep the household running if I’m taking time for myself. She’s stressed too about her work, I hate to add more to her plate.
My diet and sleep hygiene have gone down with all the stress lately and I have not been consciously trying to fix it. I’ve been bad about exercise too, though I’m trying to get better there.
I really appreciate your point about not being scared of drugs. I was definitely scared of them last time I saw the doctor. I did CBT after and it helped in the short term, but I’m in place where I don’t think the solution can come from the behavioral side alone.
Your story sounds so familiar to me! Terrible anxiety and ADHD which cause me to procrastinate, avoid, constantly cancel the day of, all that stuff. School was a nightmare, work was easier, but eventually I hit a wall. I performed well for years, a decade into working at a company the wall appeared.
I really hated myself for it. Not just the wall, my entire life. Like… I really hated myself, I can’t describe up you how much I hated me, hated my behavior, hated my inability to get things done.
Get medicated for the anxiety, then deal with the rest. The amount of relief I had when I started, I wish I could describe it to you, but the best way is the most derivative, it was like a weight was lifted. I had more gas in the tank. I could deal with the underlying issues that were giving me so much trouble.
I was scared of the meds (I didn’t get on a single one until my mid 30’s), my psych told me that’s very common with people with anxiety, anxious about everything including medication. Now I’m medicated for ADHD and anxiety and my life is the best it’s ever been.
Thanks, that sounds a lot like me, even the age range.
I definitely understand the hating yourself, I feel that every day. There are many infuriatingly stupid things I just struggle and fail at, and I hate it. I know how to do them, I know I should do them, and then I go to do them and I freeze up. It feels like trying to jump off a high cliff into a lake. I know it’s safe in my head, but I can’t walk to the edge and take the plunge. My brain simply won’t let me.
I hate every time my wife asks me to do something simple and I can’t do it.
You’re making me feel better about asking for medication. I have been worried taking them would dull life and not feeling anxiety would make me lose the skills that make me valuable.
I just want to quiet those feelings so I can process them properly and then stop procrastinating and avoiding. I’ve tried for years to improve at that, but it never happens despite trying so hard.
There’S always time to take a break and catch your breath. You have sick days and personal days for a reason; use those to center yourself rather than running yourself into the ground.
You said above you’ve previously switched jobs; use that as a baseline to know that worst case isn’t crash and burn, but finding a new job (just like you’ve done several times before). If you’re killing yourself for a big corporate position… that’s a terrible reason to burn yourself out.
Refocus to something else you enjoy in life (family, friends, hobbies, whatever…). Use the CBT techniques that worked for you before. First just catch your breath, then start working back towards a better state. You did it before, you can do it again!
Thank you
One thing that worked well before was just supposing the worst did happen, what do I do then. You’re right of course, I’ve always found jobs before, but I’ve always had a good reference. I have more options today than ever before even if I can’t find a new job.
I’ve scheduled a few weeks off soon, I’m hoping it helps.
Has anyone just exited their field due to anxiety?
I used to love what I did, but over the years the field really changed.
I have enough money to leave indefiniteky, that’s my silver lining to all of this. I’ve been scared this day would come for a decade, so I’ve been saving for a long time. I haven’t planned to leave the field for a long time though.
I’m terrified of school again as an option. I crashed so hard before, it was years to pick up the pieces.
I’m scared if I go back to school this same anxiety will chew me up and spit me out again. I’m scared I’ve forgotten all the things I used to know. I’m scared that I don’t know what I should study.
My wife doesn’t want me to quit until I have more answers. I’ve been honest with her on how I’m feeling. I told her I’d stick it out until my doctor’s appointment.
She is supportive, I know she’s trying to keep me from jumping ship if there’s a better option.
The other option is I just don’t go back to school. I work on hobby projects and sell them. I’ve done that successfully before and it paid for my school, but it was a lot easier then than now.
The one thing I can’t do is take medical leave. My boss is the type who will never get passed it. Plus, I’ve asked for leave in the past for mental health and got told I was “unreliable” and needed to get over it. I can’t do that to myself again.
I’m sorry dude, I know how this feels. No drastic decisions, panic is a monster. Do your best to white knuckle it until your doc appt, they might refer you to a medical psych. Listen to them! Take the meds, they will likely take a couple weeks to kick in, but the odds are high you are dealing with a problem that has progressed to a chemical imbalance.
You can’t out think a chemical imbalance, you can’t yoga it, work it out, even therapy is of limited usefulness. But once you address it, you will be amazed at how much of your life you weren’t living because of the anxiety.
You have a level of love and support (financial and otherwise) that a lot of people would kill for. You may think you appreciate it now, but wait until you get some distance from the anxiety. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, the anxiety in your heart is taking up room. That’s room that can be replaced by love and happiness!
It’s so hard to see that from inside the fog of panic and anxiety. You are smart (look at the life you’ve accomplished despite the anxiety), you are capable, you seem to have a strong relationship.
All the energy you have to dedicate to making it through life now, you can get that time back! Keep working through it! You aren’t alone personally, and you aren’t alone in your struggle.
Thanks
I am definitely thankful for where I am, I know a lot of people don’t have a supportive partner or savings to fall back on.
I agree, I’m trying to white knuckle it out until I get to the other side. I don’t want to make big decisions from a place like this, and it’s good my wife is pushing back.
Anxiety and depression run through the family, so I think you’re right about it being chemical. I don’t know why last time I didn’t pursue meds, I think I was scared of them and admitting defeat in a way (from where I am now I don’t see it as defeat anymore).
I hope you’re right about the energy, even just finishing the day without feeling drained and exhausted would mean I have more time to keep the house in order, cook dinner, work on my hobbies.
It’s so crazy, I’m telling you, your story could be my story, word for word. After I got medicated, my wife told me the drugs didn’t change me (something I was fucking terrified of), the anxiety was changing me. The meds gave me the room and the energy to be me again.
I’m kinda glad to hear that, it gives me some more hope
There’s another poster with a similar story here and I’m fairly surprised these experiences are this common.
I know this is easier said than done, but the sooner you can get past the worry of being seen as unreliable the better you’ll be.
You’re not an infinite resource that work can constantly pull from. And if you’ve set yourself up to be able to leave indefinitely, it’s probably safe to guess you’ve been there for a minute and more than put in your time. You’re plenty reliable but maybe work isn’t providing all that it needs for you.
Putting yourself through school off the earnings of a hobby says you’re resourceful. You’ve got a fear of change, but in reality you’re better set up than most to deal with that.
I am better set up than most, that’s really really helping me right now.
“unreliable” is more a euphemism for don’t give this person projects, promotions, or raises. Then your next performance review is empty and you get fired without a reference.
I’ve seen this happen like 4 times in the last year to people I know.
It’s a lot like actors getting labeled as hard to work with.
I don’t have any additional advice to offer. There are lots of good comments already for that. But I did want to share that I also was afraid of taking meds for a long time because I’d heard horror stories (mostly on TV/in movies) of the meds making you almost catatonic, and that wasn’t how I wanted to live my life. However, I’ve been taking anti-anxiety meds for over 10 years now, and I can confidently say that they are a huge help. I’ve changed doses several times, including recently adding an “as needed” med for times I know my stress/anxiety levels will rise. I recommend working with your doctor to figure out the best med/med combo for you, but for me personally, I’ve found a lot of success with Sertraline (generic Zoloft), although it does take about a month for dose changes to take effect, and Buspirone (generic Buspar) for my “as needed” extra.
Also, know that you are not alone, from one internet stranger to another.
Thank you, that’s helpful to hear
I recommend being up front with the doctor. Just say right away you are nervous.
When you start to spiral, focus on things you can control rather than things you cannot. The list of chores or errands you been putting off do those. Clean. Organize. It always helps refocus and feel good. Not much but its a big help. Best wishes.
Thanks. Another commenter said the same thing about lists, that’s where I’m starting this morning. 3 things I can do.
Don’t feel you have to complete the list in one day. I have like 40 things on my to do list for today and only 4 got checked off.