My mask is nearly devoid of emotion, except a little cynicism and sarcasm, and cis-passing.

Underneath that is a loving, sincere, kind auDHD enby that also suffers from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and more “fun” things thanks to how painful existence can be. Only very close friends and lovers have seen beneath the mask because caring about things is “gay” (read: bad) and I don’t want to be harassed by everyone at work. The awful shit happening all the time is very overwhelming and I get really emotional about it but I’ve been trying to disappear my whole life so I’m really good at pushing everything down until I can be alone with my feelings. I’ve never had a secure romantic attachment with anyone, though I did have a very long term toxic relationship that I stayed in because I was afraid of being alone. I just got rejected by someone who started flirting with me two minutes after we first met and after we hung out a few times they said they weren’t interested in being more than friends

I don’t blame them because I was a nervous wreck every time we hung out and couldn’t really relax and be myself. I think I need to wait until I’m already unmasked around someone before trying for a relationship because otherwise they’re not seeing the real me. If that fails I don’t know what the fuck to do. I just wanna cuddle for god’s sake