“Madam. What does a phrase so absurd as that even imply? “Tongue Punch” as if my tongue could do that, and, “Fart Box” do you mean your arsehole? Please. I see you have no maturity and do not take sex seriously. I will be taking my leave now and pursuing a mate more on my intellectual level. GOOD DAY.”
Am I the “asshole”? 
NTA (her fart box is the AH) you need a Lady on your intellectual level, to stoop to a prosaic partner such as her would be a true detriment to your superior linguistic rigor, truly good sir.