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MONTPELIER, VT—Making the announcement from the steps of the powerful organization’s national headquarters, the Federated Union of Bear Cub Carcass Dumpers endorsed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. for president on Monday. “The Federated Union of Bear Cub Carcass Dumpers stands 100% behind Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the only candidate in the 2024 to have earned an A grade on their bear-dumping scorecard,” said FUBCCD president Walter Hudkins, who endorsed the independent candidate on behalf of the organization’s 300,000 dues-paying members. “Leaving the carcass of a young black bear in the middle of Central Park is exactly the kind of leadership quality this country sorely needs. In addition to this endorsement, we will be making a $50 million donation to the pro-Kennedy super PAC Bear Dump America. Remember, we dump bear carcasses, and we vote.” At press time, Hudkins added that in contrast, former President Donald Trump had a measly C rating from the organization.
Yeah. We know. We’re taking a vote on Thursday to get an official statement out there.