It’s probably not selfishness, experts say. Even young adults who want children see an increasing number of obstacles.
For years, some conservatives have framed the declining fertility rate of the United States as an example of eroding family values, a moral catastrophe in slow motion.
JD Vance, the Republican vice-presidential nominee, recently came under fire for saying in 2021 that the nation was run by “childless cat ladies” who “hate normal Americans for choosing family over these ridiculous D.C. and New York status games.”
Last year, Ashley St. Clair, a Fox News commentator, described childless Americans this way: “They just want to pursue pleasure and drinking all night and going to Beyoncé concerts. It’s this pursuit of self-pleasure in replace of fulfillment and having a family.”
Researchers who study trends in reproductive health see a more nuanced picture. The decision to forgo having children is most likely not a sign that Americans are becoming more hedonistic, they say. For one thing, fertility rates are declining throughout the developed world.
Rather, it indicates that larger societal factors — such as rising child care costs, increasingly expensive housing and slipping optimism about the future — have made it feel more untenable to raise children in the United States.
I’ve always been confused by these conversations though. Aren’t people who are having kids doing so because they want to, whatever want might mean to them? Fulfilling just seems like another way to pursue fulfillment/happiness or whatever it is that individuals pursue.
When my wife and I chose to have kids, we enjoyed it. We derive fulfillment and satisfaction out of raising kids. Yeah it’s frustrating at times, and you do have trade-offs, but we did it because we wanted to, to feel happy/fulfilled. We didn’t start a lifelong journey to support children into adulthood out of some weird sense of patriotism or something. Anyone doing that is weird.
Sure - you do you. I respect the choices and priorities you and your wife share. I didn’t say I’m making “the right” choice and others are wrong.
In the long run, I’m envious of the relationships parents build with their children. There’s nothing more rewarding.
I’m the kid who ate the marshmallow when left alone. You’re probably the one who waited five minutes for two.
I don’t think the other commentter was disagreeeing with you or trying to compare. They said that they chose to have children for the same reasons you chose not to. (I am also a parent who chose kids for the fulfillment/happiness and not as some weird effort to build political power or something.)
You choosing not to have kids is perfectly normal and fine in my book. It is fucking strange to pressure other people into having children.
I think both the previous commenter and I are trying to back you up more than trying to argue you made a wrong choice.
Like the other replier noted, you misunderstand my point. People having kids because it’s what they want isn’t selfless anymore than choosing not to have kids is selfish.