I’m currently on a waiting list for an official ASD diagnosis (takes around a year here, there is a huge lack of experts certified for adult cases), but my current psychiatrist already shares my assumption that I am autistic. I’m in my 30s, so I have three decades worth of built-up trauma from being diagnosed and treated improperly, having been in some form of psychological or psychiatric care basically since childhood.

In hindsight, I am a bit pissed it was never discovered/considered. It’s not like I ever kept signs like my delayed speech acquisition in childhood, early reading/writing acquisition, daily meltdowns as a kid which morphed into internalised shame, shutdowns and depression/burnout with age a secret.

What I was most fascinated by was the things I did not tick off. Like, because I got extremely good at masking and studying behaviours/“roleplaying” identities and internalising them, I am actually relatively competent in social settings/situations. They sure are exhausting though…

Also, just a few weeks ago, when I was still in my “pushing myself too hard (because that is how you overcome depression and anxiety, right? Just do the things and learn they are safe and stuff), failing and then internalising self-hatred” - spiral, I would definitely also have had the “messy room” one and “motivation 404” one.