25 years I’ve been abroad (The Netherlands) and the work-life balance is why I stayed. They insist I take days off (still foolishly work like an American) and have already booked out a 3 week vacation for later in the year…and I’ll still have nearly 2 weeks of vacation left. We can roll a few weeks of vacation over to the next year if not used. Even though the Dutch have NO holidays from June to Christmas, I’m still able to take 4 day weekends when I want to.
The downside is family left behind may begin to resent you. My family have developed this red-hat victim culture. I can’t bring up how I live abroad or else it starts fights - they don’t want to talk to me now.
It’s funny, because if you’re living in the US and bringing up topics (like e.g. healthcare, parental leave, vacation time, sick days, the school system, universal access to universities and higher education, traffic deaths, gun violence, etc. etc. etc.) the reaction is often “well, if you hate it so much, why don’t you just leave?”
And then, when you actually leave and live a much more enjoyable and happy life elsewhere, the reaction is “we don’t want to hear about it!!!”
Sometimes you just have to make the changes you can. For me, it was time to go - I wanted to see more of the world, to work and explore and see life differently. My family wanted something different: solidity, family, planting themselves. I needed to explore. We both got what we needed.
Doesn’t sound like a massive loss, friend. People grow apart, even if they are your blood relatives. The family you choose is far more important, especially if your family gets angry and even writes you off at your lack of equivalent suffering. Americans are so weird about suffering being a positive, “character building” experience for its own sake.
I’m jealous of you btw, you did what I was too chickenshit to do and you reached the promised land.
Why the resentment though? Is it because they’re thinking that they had it terrible and therefore you should too? That you’re not a loyal worker and therefore less of a person because of that?
Or can it be that they feel left behind and you talking about how great it is to them sounds like you don’t miss them or regret moving away?
I tried not to parade the differences around, but there would inevitably be issues with any comparisons made. I’m a Democrat, and they are very Republican; this last president has made things very hard. It’s also possibly just simple envy - my father suggested it when he was still with us all - and I’ve tried to keep in touch and be there for children’s birthdays, etc, but now they just turn away. Or just convienent: now 25 years later, I think the friends are more family that actual family.
I also moved to the Netherlands recently (but from Germany) and their holiday schedule feels really weird to me. You get a lot from April to June and then nothing until Christmas. They should’ve spaced that out better.
Germany isn’t that much better, in most states you get two public holidays between June and December, 3rd October and either reformation day or all-saints’ day, and those can all be on the weekend so in a bad year you get zero additional days off.
I am from Saxony and there you get Buß- und Bettag, that’s always a Wednesday. You still get 2 holidays four times out of six years in the worst case in other states.
Jealous! I’d love to be able to move out of the US, but seems you need certain jobs in order to go. Don’t think I qualify, so will continue to be a slave to the system here.
Dunno how old you are, but you can take a loan to study in Europe, get a job, and decide whether you want to pay back the loan or not. If you plan on never returning to the US, then AFAIK, you don’t have to pay back shit and there’s nothing they can do. Although, maybe that changed when the USA started demanding taxes from Americans abroad and forcing banks to close their accounts abroad too… who knows.
Anyway, it’ll probably be cheaper for you to move to Europe.
Pretty much what u/woobwub said, I just want to add that here in Germany, all kinds of craftspeople (like carpenters, plumbers, electricians, construction workers, tile setters, you name it) are in desperate demand, with demographic change probably being the biggest reason. Companies offering these services are overbooked and can demand ludicrous prices, while simultaneously lamenting about not being able to get young, motivated apprentices.
To be fair, a lot of said companies still pay their apprentices peanuts while treating them like shit and blaming their staff shortage on the lazy young generation not wanting to work. But if you’re a qualified worker in any of these professions, most companies would gladly hire someone like you. If, and here’s the big catch, if you can speak German somewhat fluently. And our language is a confusing clusterfuck to learn, or so I’ve heard.
Anyhow, best of wishes to you and your son (and family), whether you manage to emigrate to a less latestage-capitalism-infested country or try and build up a good life in the US.
You might not know how much you can do. If refugees can travel from Afghanistan all the way to France with their entire family, you can do it from the US. Dunno what you’re doing, but crafts and trades jobs are also understaffed across Europe.
Germany is even trying to be attractive to nurses all the way from India!
25 years I’ve been abroad (The Netherlands) and the work-life balance is why I stayed. They insist I take days off (still foolishly work like an American) and have already booked out a 3 week vacation for later in the year…and I’ll still have nearly 2 weeks of vacation left. We can roll a few weeks of vacation over to the next year if not used. Even though the Dutch have NO holidays from June to Christmas, I’m still able to take 4 day weekends when I want to.
The downside is family left behind may begin to resent you. My family have developed this red-hat victim culture. I can’t bring up how I live abroad or else it starts fights - they don’t want to talk to me now.
Same with the resentment! Lots of people in the US don’t want to hear how much better it is elsewhere. GrEaTesT NaTiOn oN eArTh!
It’s funny, because if you’re living in the US and bringing up topics (like e.g. healthcare, parental leave, vacation time, sick days, the school system, universal access to universities and higher education, traffic deaths, gun violence, etc. etc. etc.) the reaction is often “well, if you hate it so much, why don’t you just leave?”
And then, when you actually leave and live a much more enjoyable and happy life elsewhere, the reaction is “we don’t want to hear about it!!!”
They didn’t want to hear about it in the first place ;)
Sometimes you just have to make the changes you can. For me, it was time to go - I wanted to see more of the world, to work and explore and see life differently. My family wanted something different: solidity, family, planting themselves. I needed to explore. We both got what we needed.
Honestly, EVERY country is doing this. “If you ain’t dutch, you ain’t much” is our ridiculous motto. Pfft.
Gold plated shithole for those of us unwilling to delude ourselves with that crap.
looks like you should stop talking to that family of yours
Too late. They stopped taking to me.
Doesn’t sound like a massive loss, friend. People grow apart, even if they are your blood relatives. The family you choose is far more important, especially if your family gets angry and even writes you off at your lack of equivalent suffering. Americans are so weird about suffering being a positive, “character building” experience for its own sake.
I’m jealous of you btw, you did what I was too chickenshit to do and you reached the promised land.
Sorry to hear that.
I have my family sparsed all over Europe and the world. Just because we are away doesn’t mean we don’t talk with eachother.
Of course my parents would prefer that we were nearby but they understand.
Lifebalance is just as important as money in the end.
Conservativism rots the brain. Imagine disowning your own fucking family simply because they moved to a different place. Disgusting.
Seriously been considering moving the family to the Netherlands or Sweden.
Lived in a few places in Europe over the years. Currently in Canada, which is slowly sliding into being a hellhole like America. 😓
I’ll be retiring soon and move to Asia with the wife. We’ll leave the light on for ya… 👍
Thanks. Where abouts in Asia? Had a friend retire in Singapore and they’ve been loving it.
Close by - have an Indonesian wife I met here and we’re looking at land in Bali.
My family is really gonna hate me now.
Why the resentment though? Is it because they’re thinking that they had it terrible and therefore you should too? That you’re not a loyal worker and therefore less of a person because of that?
Or can it be that they feel left behind and you talking about how great it is to them sounds like you don’t miss them or regret moving away?
I tried not to parade the differences around, but there would inevitably be issues with any comparisons made. I’m a Democrat, and they are very Republican; this last president has made things very hard. It’s also possibly just simple envy - my father suggested it when he was still with us all - and I’ve tried to keep in touch and be there for children’s birthdays, etc, but now they just turn away. Or just convienent: now 25 years later, I think the friends are more family that actual family.
I also moved to the Netherlands recently (but from Germany) and their holiday schedule feels really weird to me. You get a lot from April to June and then nothing until Christmas. They should’ve spaced that out better.
Germany isn’t that much better, in most states you get two public holidays between June and December, 3rd October and either reformation day or all-saints’ day, and those can all be on the weekend so in a bad year you get zero additional days off.
I am from Saxony and there you get Buß- und Bettag, that’s always a Wednesday. You still get 2 holidays four times out of six years in the worst case in other states.
Saxonians have to pay more social contributions in exchange for this day though.
Jealous! I’d love to be able to move out of the US, but seems you need certain jobs in order to go. Don’t think I qualify, so will continue to be a slave to the system here.
Dunno how old you are, but you can take a loan to study in Europe, get a job, and decide whether you want to pay back the loan or not. If you plan on never returning to the US, then AFAIK, you don’t have to pay back shit and there’s nothing they can do. Although, maybe that changed when the USA started demanding taxes from Americans abroad and forcing banks to close their accounts abroad too… who knows.
Anyway, it’ll probably be cheaper for you to move to Europe.
I’m 33 and have a 1 year old son, I feel like the ship has sailed for me.
Pretty much what u/woobwub said, I just want to add that here in Germany, all kinds of craftspeople (like carpenters, plumbers, electricians, construction workers, tile setters, you name it) are in desperate demand, with demographic change probably being the biggest reason. Companies offering these services are overbooked and can demand ludicrous prices, while simultaneously lamenting about not being able to get young, motivated apprentices.
To be fair, a lot of said companies still pay their apprentices peanuts while treating them like shit and blaming their staff shortage on the lazy young generation not wanting to work. But if you’re a qualified worker in any of these professions, most companies would gladly hire someone like you. If, and here’s the big catch, if you can speak German somewhat fluently. And our language is a confusing clusterfuck to learn, or so I’ve heard.
Anyhow, best of wishes to you and your son (and family), whether you manage to emigrate to a less latestage-capitalism-infested country or try and build up a good life in the US.
You might not know how much you can do. If refugees can travel from Afghanistan all the way to France with their entire family, you can do it from the US. Dunno what you’re doing, but crafts and trades jobs are also understaffed across Europe. Germany is even trying to be attractive to nurses all the way from India!
Don’t underestimate yourself.