For a long time I have not felt belonging to either the Pro Choice or Pro Life groups and recently came across ProGrace which sets politics aside to focus on aiding the woman and meeting her needs directly both during and after her pregnancy regardless as to how she decides to proceed. This got my attention and I have since taken their training course, listened to their podcast and started some of their recommended reading to further my understanding.
In full disclosure I am a white christian male in the southeastern USA who has experienced two unplanned pregnancies myself and after learning of how terribly the church has handled their support of women, especially around unplanned pregnancy, I am looking to work with my wife to educate those within our sphere of influence to address this.
However, as mentioned above, I am a male and so naturally my experience around the issue simply does not compare to the depth of emotion and trauma that a woman would experience and so I am hoping to learn from those here who are or have experienced an unplanned pregnancy to better understand what support is needed to bring women through the traumas associated, overcome the fear and shame around the issue, and just generally help in any way I can.
I know this is a sensitive topic and so I would not ask for sharing directly in the comments here. Rather I am hoping to chat directly whether via Signal, email, etc. or even a quick call for those comfortable with that (can use Jitsi, Signal or another private voice chat to avoid needing to share any personal details). I would like to simply listen to your experience; I will not debate, judge, etc. as my goal is entirely to learn.
Thank you for taking the time to read and consider.
One side focuses mainly on the needs of the woman, the other focuses mainly on the needs of the child. Neither can provide a completely accurate representation of God’s heart, because He is equally concerned with the needs of both. And He calls us to work for the dignity and welfare of both.
Wow, you’re either ok with a woman’s choice or not. I know I am not ok with this both sides bullshit centrist approach, how can you expect women to talk to you about their struggles when you come at the issue only caring about what your god tells you to do, sorry, what some rando said your god cares about? Fuck that. If you are ok with a woman getting an abortion when she is financially screwed, in an abusive or unstable relationship, carrying an unviable fetus, carrying a fetus with abnormalities, about to die, has mental or physical disabilities themselves, fetus implanted in the fallopian tubes, raped, high-risk pregnancy, too young, doesn’t want to be a mother, or any other reason then you are pro-choice. Pregnancy comes with risk of dying and permanent side effects. No woman should be forced to go through a pregnancy she doesn’t want to do.
You cannot reconcile viewing this tissue as a life that needs to be “saved” with treating women like brood mares. Especially when churches peddle bullshit like: every day doctors kill fully formed babies at birth because the mom changed her mind or women get abortions every month as birth control. This is the bullshit I’ve heard from religious people and no amount of logic will shake whatever their dumb bishop told them.
I am assuming you are in the US, in that case there are little programs available to help a woman raise a child she does not want especially if it is a red state. Adoption is not an option when it’s your body being sacrificed so some loony can adopt a baby. They do little background checks on people who foster and adopt btw, the kid grows up being abused and with mental disorders like reactive attachment disorder, I’ve personally seen it happen multiple times. It is ok to let a teenager have an abortion so she can finish high school and go to college instead of dropping out and living the rest of her life in poverty with a father she was forced to marry that she doesn’t actually know that well or without a father to support her. Mothers may go through post partum depression, it can get really bad when untreated to the point where she doesn’t care about her baby anymore and would rather just kill her kids and then herself.
You either care or you don’t care about these women. If your god cared so much about abortion, then why isn’t in your bible? Where does it say that abortion is banned after 6 weeks? 12? 22? Or altogether? A 6 week ban is a de facto ban since obgyns don’t see women that early at all, it is often before a woman even knows. You trying to take a human rights issue and stuff your god into it is why there is a problem in the first place. Keep all gods out of it.
Thank for responding; I share your passion around the issue
I am assuming you are in the US, in that case there are little programs available to help a woman raise a child she does not want especially if it is a red state.
This is the kind of information I am looking for
They do little background checks on people who foster and adopt
As a foster parent of 8.5 years this is highly variable on the area; ours for example was extremely thorough and we were able to see several children’s lives improved through their placements - I do not however want to discount that the opposite does also happen though I do not have the answer as to any better solution beyond providing significantly more support to all areas of the foster system. We need more well-meaning people to get involved both as social workers and especially as foster / adoptive parents.
ProGrace which sets politics aside to focus on aiding the woman and meeting her needs directly both during and after her pregnancy regardless as to how she decides to proceed.
I mean, that sounds like pro-choice to me. Pro-choice is about letting the pregnant woman decide.
This is also crucial for the care of a woman with an unwanted pregnancy. If she’s been raped or does not feel like she will be able to support the baby, then the abortion is extremely important for her mental health.
Laws restricting choice often also restrict what procedures doctors are allowed to perform. It can and has already lead to situations where an abortion is considered medically necessary, or even the only logical step forward, because the fetus is already dead in the womb, but doctors still will not do it, because it could mean they get fined for it.
In my opinion, the logical path for straddling both sides is to leave the pregant woman’s choice 100% intact, but then make it easy for her to choose the pregnancy.
In other words, universal healthcare, a high-quality child care network, maternity leave, and assistance for getting the child adopted. Preventing unwanted pregnancies by providing contraceptives also helps a lot.
I feel like that’s also why this discussion hardly exists in developed nations outside of the US, because they have these things.In my opinion, the logical path for straddling both sides is to leave the pregant woman’s choice 100% intact, but then make it easy for her to choose the pregnancy. In other words, universal healthcare, a high-quality child care network, maternity leave, and assistance for getting the child adopted. Preventing unwanted pregnancies by providing contraceptives also helps a lot. I feel like that’s also why this discussion hardly exists in developed nations outside of the US, because they have these things.
Agreed and I think this is where the group is aiming along with myself as well
I really hope this organization is what it purports to be. Of course, as a strictly pro-choice agnostic, I’m going to be suspicious. If they genuinely mean it when they say “Join us and discover how to look at the issue through a lens of empathy and avoid political rhetoric”, then it could be a good thing.
Oh, I grabbed that quote from their website, which is https://www.prograce.org/
Agreed and so far all of my interactions with their team have matched that stance so I am hopeful.
