I know so many people who adamantly stand by their use of it. I used to say it, too, but all it took was one person to point out to me that it was hurtful and I apologised and stopped no questions asked. I don’t get why it’s so hard to just have a little empathy.
i used to think it was okay for me to say as i’m disabled. what i noticed, though, is that my doing so 1) communicated to my abled peers that it’s okay for them to say as well & 2) made me appear as a pick-me; i was perceived as “one of the good ones.”
the r-slur has been causing a very visceral reaction in me for years & i will continue to report each & every instance of it.
That’s the problem I have when people of that slur use it. And worse, they act like it’s not a big deal. There’s offensive words I can use because of my skin tone that would absolutely get any non-colored person choked out.
But you nailed it. If I brush it off like it doesnt offend/isn’t a disgusting word, then I am giving permission to others that it’s okay to say.
It’s the same these days with the f-slur and cishet folks getting ostracised for using it, at least where I live. I agree, I’ll happily call myself one but never the r-slur. It just gives people a free pass.
I have a question about for you about this if you don’t mind. In certain mechanical situations the word is used to describe a delay added (for example in a car engine you may use this word to describe a certain timing adjustment).
Does the word in a context like that still cause that visceral reaction or does the context make it different - is it only when used to describe people that it hits that way?
I’m only asking this because it popped into my head the other day when I was reading my service book on my engine and ran across it.
It’s kinda similar to how people commonly used a shortened form of ‘transmission’ in the automotive industry but it became a slur for trans people - I feel like I haven’t heard that one in a while so I’m guessing it’s fallen out of use, but I was just always curious if the taint of people bullying with that word crossed over into other contexts.
That’s along the lines of what I expected. I’m always just curious how our brains work, so thank you.
I always try to find an alternative to the word regardless of the context because it’s not like it’s hard to do and I’d rather not cause that reaction in anyone if possible.
It sucks that we keep doing the same thing over and over as a society as this is not the first word ruined by being used in the exact same manner as a way to bully and harass and make fun of people.
You’d think some day we’d learn that we can actually teach people not to be shitty and we don’t have to accept this behavior from people at all.
it does tend to be a good litmus test for disempathy, sadly. obviously there are outliers, but if one can’t take a tiny correction to like 0.01% of their vocabulary, color me not surprised when that same person starts talking about the immigrant problem or women’s place in the home or something :(
Except that literally everyone who has empathy does selective empathy, even if not intentionally. You also can’t really form an in-group and out-group mindset without empathy. Like if there was no empathy at all bigotry wouldn’t be nearly as big.
I know so many people who adamantly stand by their use of it. I used to say it, too, but all it took was one person to point out to me that it was hurtful and I apologised and stopped no questions asked. I don’t get why it’s so hard to just have a little empathy.
i used to think it was okay for me to say as i’m disabled. what i noticed, though, is that my doing so 1) communicated to my abled peers that it’s okay for them to say as well & 2) made me appear as a pick-me; i was perceived as “one of the good ones.”
the r-slur has been causing a very visceral reaction in me for years & i will continue to report each & every instance of it.
That’s the problem I have when people of that slur use it. And worse, they act like it’s not a big deal. There’s offensive words I can use because of my skin tone that would absolutely get any non-colored person choked out.
But you nailed it. If I brush it off like it doesnt offend/isn’t a disgusting word, then I am giving permission to others that it’s okay to say.
It’s the same these days with the f-slur and cishet folks getting ostracised for using it, at least where I live. I agree, I’ll happily call myself one but never the r-slur. It just gives people a free pass.
I have a question about for you about this if you don’t mind. In certain mechanical situations the word is used to describe a delay added (for example in a car engine you may use this word to describe a certain timing adjustment).
Does the word in a context like that still cause that visceral reaction or does the context make it different - is it only when used to describe people that it hits that way?
I’m only asking this because it popped into my head the other day when I was reading my service book on my engine and ran across it.
It’s kinda similar to how people commonly used a shortened form of ‘transmission’ in the automotive industry but it became a slur for trans people - I feel like I haven’t heard that one in a while so I’m guessing it’s fallen out of use, but I was just always curious if the taint of people bullying with that word crossed over into other contexts.
there’s the initial sting, yeah, but it’ll subside once my brain remembers the context. when used in a bigoted way, the feeling sticks for a while.
That’s along the lines of what I expected. I’m always just curious how our brains work, so thank you.
I always try to find an alternative to the word regardless of the context because it’s not like it’s hard to do and I’d rather not cause that reaction in anyone if possible.
It sucks that we keep doing the same thing over and over as a society as this is not the first word ruined by being used in the exact same manner as a way to bully and harass and make fun of people.
You’d think some day we’d learn that we can actually teach people not to be shitty and we don’t have to accept this behavior from people at all.
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based and i adore people who are like you
it does tend to be a good litmus test for disempathy, sadly. obviously there are outliers, but if one can’t take a tiny correction to like 0.01% of their vocabulary, color me not surprised when that same person starts talking about the immigrant problem or women’s place in the home or something :(
My guy still thinks bigotry is caused by lack of empathy. It’s actually selective empathy that helps encourage bigots.
Selective presence of empathy is exactly equivalent to selective lack of empathy, which is a type of lack of empathy.
Except that literally everyone who has empathy does selective empathy, even if not intentionally. You also can’t really form an in-group and out-group mindset without empathy. Like if there was no empathy at all bigotry wouldn’t be nearly as big.
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I’m vegan btw, lol