Listen up fuckers, cause none of this applies to anybody on this site specifically and I’m just removed.
I don’t have to accomodate neurotypicals who say horseshit like “I don’t want to keep a tone tag reference sheet open to have a conversation though”, that has officially stopped being a me problem. Similarly, if your response to that is “Communication is a two-way street, so a communication issue is often also a two-way thing”, that doesn’t sound like I have to accomodate YOUR misunderstanding of MY words, however you have decided to read them. If you decide even in spite of tone tags that I’m being an asshole, frankly get fucked and go decide someone else’s emotional state for them. Hell, even if I didn’t use tone tags, I shouldn’t be required to fucking defend myself from your literal spurious accusations. I’ve had enough of your disingenuous assertions.
I’m pretty understanding about misreads, just ask me what I meant instead of fucking assuming the absolute worst in people all the time, and also do not go around expecting neurodiverse people to accomodate whatever YOU read into their words all the time. Your fucking problem. It’s not their job to sort out your preconceptions and accept whatever emotions you decide for them, which was the point of what I was saying anyway. Ableist shit.
This type of thing has become pretty traumatic over the course of like ten of exactly this type of bullshit, so I don’t have the will to cause problems and fight about it but I’m also not willing to constantly cede ground for free to neurotypical expectations.
That whole “communication is a two-way street” pisses me off, because it always means I have to cater to them, never the other way.
When I get interrupted or am having a stressful conversation, my reaction is to raise my voice. Some people cry, I raise my voice. It is completely involuntary. I developed it because people keep interrupting me, and so I have learned to stand my ground.
And NT fucking love to say that I’m bad at communication, but seems to me they’re the ones who suck at it.
I have ADHD and I’ve learnt I can be grating in ways I do not perceive myself. I’ve learnt to be upfront. If I am working on a project with a colleague and it seems like we’re not getting along I’ll ask “hey it seems like we’re not getting along, but since we’re going to have to work together we can’t just ignore each other. Would you mind telling me what I’m doing that’s frustrating you?”
It never goes anywhere though. They always say “nothings wrong! I think we’re getting along great!” Then two months later at some informal event they’ll finally have worked up the liquid courage to tell me what it is.
It’s always something I’m doing wrong and never a question of maybe being misunderstood! It’ll be something like raising the voice. But instead of asking why I do it, it’s always “this is wrong of you to do” but if it’s a two-way street why tf do they never stop and wonder WHY I am raising my voice? Could it be that they’re also doing something?
I’ll get told that I’m bad at communicating, but I’m not the one who can’t figure out to voice my frustrations with the other person, nor am I the one who can’t perceive an issue or ask about it so that it can be solved.
People like to say autisticics are bad at communication, but my autistic friends are some of the easiest to get along with. They’ll be at a party and straight up tell me “hey there’s too much going on and I’m getting kind of tired. Do you have a place I can retreat to for a while, otherwise I’ll have to go home?”
My NT friends will join a group playing a drinking game and actively sabotage the game so its not as fun, so they can convince people to stop playing the game and do something else instead. My NT friends will say shit like “is it just me, or do you feel a breeze too?” Which apparently means “close the window”, so when I answer “no I don’t feel a breeze, but then again I am wearing a long-sleeved shirt” IM THE RUDE ONE.
You know what my autistic friends do when they want me to close a window? They say “hey I’m cold, would you mind closing the window?”
But yeah it’s definitely the neurodivergent that are bad at communicating.
Never look inwards NT people it’s never you. And you are oh so accommodating! All the times ND people annoy you and you say nothing? So grand of you. Could it be that you also annoy ND people and we say nothing? Surely not, and if it is the case, then that’s just those weird ND people who need to learn to chill out and fit in.
Followup: I hate how anger is treated socially. If you get mad, you’re the bad guy. You can be in a discussion with someone who does and says some truly awful things, but because they cry and you raise your voice, you’re the problem.
Doesn’t matter that they interrupt you. Doesn’t matter that they don’t listen. Doesn’t matter that they diminish everything you say. Doesn’t matter that they say terrible things you yelled. I got so mad that I yelled “fuck you” at a colleague once, and forever onwards when we discussed that situation that was all it was about.
Never mind that he showed up an hour late to a shift. Never mind he hadn’t closed or cleaned last night. Never the fact that I stayed an additional hour to help with the mountain of dishes we had because HE HADNT SHOWN UP ON TIME OR PREPPED ANYTHING, never mind the fact that the first thing he does when things cool down isn’t to greet me or to thank me, no it’s to make himself a plate of scrambled eggs - and how could I get mad at him for that? Did I see the rush there was in the cafe when he arrived? He didn’t even have time to drink his coffee! Never mind that I choose to just leave. Never mind that he has the fucking audacity to stop me on my way out from what has now turned into an 12-hour shift so he can complain that I’ve left them with “a mountain of dishes” (about two cycles in the dishwasher) and “barely anything prepped” (this genius ate the last of the scrambled eggs). Never mind that I started calmly telling him how I felt he was being very rude. Never mind the fact that he interrupts me to call me lazy and unrealistic. What matters is that I yelled “fuck you” in response.
Hey guess what, fuck this guy. He sounds like a loser! Inconsiderate arsehole!
I know about people losing it when you get angry, and so I’ve basically filed all of mine down to nothing. Barely helps though.
I ran into him years later while he was working a dead-end job that he hated, which made me feel vindicated. I’ve never had a better cup of coffee than the one he had to give me after having to tell me he fucked up preparing a pre-baked muffin lmao
That’s almost /thread right there, so much of this deescribes so many issues I’ve had with NTs. Fuck em for this.