autocorrect keeps wanting to make it “envy,” which isn’t entirely wrong

How did you figure out you were enby?

I’ve come to realize that my super-femme presentation is a form of masking, and I’m trying to figure out where I actually fall in the spectrum of gender.

So yeah, how did you figure out you weren’t “gender” and were actually enby?

Does just thinking that maybe I’m not either mean that probably I’m not either? Is the state of being unsure and kinda in-between where you identify or what?

  • Dirt_Owl [comrade/them, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    14·
    7 months ago

    autocorrect keeps wanting to make it “envy,”

    Haha me too

    How did you figure out you were enby?

    I (AFAB) realised I didn’t relate to either extremes when it came to masculinity and femininity.

    I’ve always felt that way, even as a kid I would gravitate towards “androgynous” fashions, hobbies, etc. I didn’t like being called a girl, but I didn’t particularly enjoy hyper masculinity either.

    Yet I find that some days I feel like I want to be callied he, some days I want to be called she and wear a nice dress. And yet other days I don’t want to be seen as either.

    I would be thrilled if the concept of gender disappeared all together.

    I’ve always felt this way, yet when I was little they didn’t have a word for it. If someone had described enby to me as a kid I would have been like “YES THATS ME. I’M NO GENDER AND BOTH AND NEITHER AT THE SAME TIME.”

    I don’t know if that helps, everyone’s journey is different and someone else might be better at describing it than me.

    • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      12·
      7 months ago

      This actually helps tremendously, this is how I’ve always felt, too, but I had internalized the idea that it wasn’t okay to feel this way

      But everything you’ve said, I absolutely, 100% relate to

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you very, very much

  • oscardejarjayes [comrade/them]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    10·
    7 months ago

    ooh, neat

    idk, way back a long, long time ago I was talking about gender stuff with some queer friends. I just decided “fuck it, time to commit”, and I’ve been (semi)-publicly non-binary ever since.

      • oscardejarjayes [comrade/them]@hexbear.netMEnglish
        4·
        7 months ago

        i’m honestly not entirely sure what I was feeling at that moment (>10 years is a long time), but as for “none or both or what”, it’s sorta like a mix between man, woman, and neither.

        but, like, most stuff is already stereotyped into the gender binary, so it’s kinda hard to carve my own niche. I’ve found, over the years, that “not caring” (perhaps a poor choice of phrasing) is my way of looking at it. Oh, liking trains is male coded? lol, who cares. Dresses are a girl thing? Perfect train attire. I just do whatever I feel like, trying to make a conscious choice not to let the gender binary affect what I do or think.

        Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue has also been pretty foundational in my opinions on my gender. I’m very much happy I’m not stuck with an “M-or-F box”, nowadays most places have a “prefer not to say” or “x”.

  • Rx_Hawk [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    10·
    7 months ago

    I’ve been slowly coming to the realization that I reject everything we’ve been taught about gender and each person is their own unique individual. Don’t be constrained by binary expression.

    I think I’d probably be described as agender but fuck labels.

  • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    8·
    7 months ago

    my current favorite presentation of myself: Dickies womens Women’s Flex Cooling Temp-iq® Long Sleeve CoverallsOveralls https://a.co/d/0bltTPw

    I tried to upload a picture of me wearing it, but my shitty rural internet has other ideas about how I should spend my data and time

    Edit: also, I buzzed my hair down to a pixie cut myself, which I feel kinda plants me in-between just by the actual action: want to look cute but also want all this extra shit off me and also don’t want to pay for it and also don’t trust anyone to do what I actually want because I’m so femme they think I must not actually want to look the way that I look

    if that isn’t the most AuDHD paragraph anybody has ever written, I’ll eat eggs

    I hate eggs, their sulfuric nastiness puts me right off, I only have birds in my yard to eat hornets

    edit V2: need to record more videos of my very special chicken, you all would love her, she is so inquisitive and friendly, she just wants to hang out and watch what you’re doing and maybe eat some bugs, just the sweetest and best little chicky ever, I love her so much.

    Comment if you’d like me to give her some chest scritches tomorrow while telling her your name and why you think it’s awesome that she can just be with no pressure to lay eggs, that she lives in a home where her personality is appreciated more than her physical output

    she lives in a home where her personality is appreciated more than her physical output

    honestly, humans, aren’t we all striving for this

    • blindbunnyEnglish
      2·
      7 months ago

      She sounds lovely and you sound kinda cute too 😜

  • whogivesashit@lemmygrad.ml
    7·
    7 months ago

    I always struggled with comprehending gender growing up but kind of just went hard into masculinity because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. I now realize that I’ve always had an uncomfortable relationship with gender norms and just don’t really care for the performance. I just style myself and present myself however I’m feeling. Some days it’s more masculine, some days more feminine. Very mood and vibes based. I just don’t pay any mind to gender concepts any more really.

  • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    5·
    7 months ago
    sorry just bs

    Oh man, looking over this thread and going “Oh, no! Uh oh!” It turns out that when I uphold Feinberg thought and decouple the physical aspect of being estrogen-powered* from Gender®, since Gender® is basically a bunch of fake bullshit, all kinds of incredible and funny things might happen.

    Reading messages like “I like you for you, not for any gender(ed) performance” and wondering if people actually like their partners for gendered performance.

    Reading messages like “that “not caring” (perhaps a poor choice of phrasing) is my way of looking at it. Oh, liking trains is male coded? lol, who cares. Dresses are a girl thing? Perfect train attire. I just do whatever I feel like, trying to make a conscious choice not to let the gender binary affect what I do or think.” and going Oh, yeah me I think.

    Reading messages like “I reject everything we’ve been taught about gender and each person is their own unique individual” and thinking about my beautiful nonbinary goth wife. About how actually Gender® is literally fake.

    I have truly never cared for or even been able to engage in gender performance, I think. I’m pretty sure I have always been weird as in all aspects of life. Struggle to comprehend gender? Evidently that shit doesn’t make any sense to me.

    It’s almost not surprising, I was really willful and gung-ho about taking hormones as a kid, but I only ever really used “woman” because it’s associated(LOOK THERE IT IS) with being on estrogen. The “lesbian” label always felt better, Idk.

    ‘My gender is autism and my sexuality is lesbian’? ‘My gender is lesbian and my sexuality is trans’? I feel weird, I dunno.

    *SHOULD NOTE, I only ever applied this thought of “hrt=gender” to myself since that was just all 15 year old me was prepared to process. I have never associated the two for anybody else cause that’s some silly /tttt/ shit.

  • WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them]@reddthat.com
    5·
    7 months ago

    Hasn’t really raised with much gendered expectations within the home (of course in public was a different issue). Not sure if that contributes to it, but gender has long been confusing to me and can sometimes be something I forget exists (like one time I went on the bus when the girls were supposed change first and I just forgot that would be a gendered activity and only realized my mistake when someone else called me out for being there). Identifying as either man or woman just seems weird. Can’t say I remember ever really associating with a specific gender.

  • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]@hexbear.netEnglish
    3·
    7 months ago

    Dating someone who later came out as enby, and realizing “I like you for you, not for any gender(ed) performance” as well as “I actually was drawn to the moderate/fluid femme in you, the way I have a moderate/fluid masc in myself”.

    Then realizing in retrospect after this that I’d felt like I was hiding all the sides of myself that are in-between, and deciding to stop repressing them. Also glancing at a picture and thinking “that’s a very androgynous person sitting there” and then realizing it was me. Kids coming up to me and asking if I’m a boy or a girl has just been icing on the cake.

  • knightly [none/use any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    4 months ago

    I figured it out the hard way, guess-and-check.

    My first few years in the furry fandom were spent trying to find the fursona that adequately reflects “me”. I very quickly discovered that the “traditional” male and female archetypes weren’t a good fit, 'cuz I’m a weird inbetweener~