[CW: Transmedicalism, (Internalized) Transphobia, Enbyphobia]
I sometimes get into these depressive episodes where I feel like the majority of the trans community is against me and wants me to suffer. As a non-binary person, I’ve had to deal with a heated amount of emphasis from trans people who hate my guts because they don’t perceive my identity as suiting a “norm” they believe I am required to fit.
I have gone through so much hell from cishet people, and one of the worst aspects of this is that it’s insanely isolating. Before horrendous encounters with transmedicalists, I generally had no doubt that the trans community would be pretty universally and even unconditionally on my side. Now, I feel like I’m alone. I feel like I have to avoid trans communities for my own safety and well-being, but I also cannot bring myself to be interacting with cis people because that clearly has done me no good either.
I also have fears about these things from a legal perspective. I am on HRT, I have terrible dysphoria, and I want to get on with my transition and my life, but especially since I live in Florida, I sometimes feel like transmedicalist rhetoric might seep into law in a way that will leave me with two options where either I can:
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A) Keep my HRT by shoving myself in a “box” that I don’t want to be in because it’ll leave me dysphoric and uncomfortable.
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B) Just go on without any medical transition, which will, yet again, make me miserable and have me see no point in life.
Both of them are horrendous. I already know that cis people want me dead. Knowing that trans people tend to feel the same way just does zero help for me.
I genuinely want to convince myself that they’re not the majority. If they are the majority, then I have a valid case for being transphobic.
I don’t necessarily mean this in the “I hate trans people” sense that the term transphobia is commonly associated with but more so in the “I fear trans people” sense that the “-phobia” suffix is commonly associated with.
Ultimately, if the LGBTQ+ community isn’t for me and cisheteronormative society isn’t for me, I have nothing left.
Transmedicalists unironically believe that all this pain I’m going through because of me being trans such as dysphoria, losing all my family, and struggling to keep things together to literally just keep myself alive is justified and acceptable simply because I’m non-binary.
The belief that the majority of trans people are transmedicalists is extremely bleak for me. I will never stop calling myself trans, but the association with a group which holds this ideology will continue to harm me. Hence my desire to hold greater faith in trans people.
Hey, I don’t believe your premise that transmedicalists are the majority, but this isn’t true either way. I’ve met a lot of liberationist/not-cringe trans people in real life. They definitely exist and if the LGBTQ+ community isn’t supporting us because we want our liberation TOO MUCH, then we should build a new one.