Where are all my transhet sisters?

I love the queer community and I feel like the more I work on myself, the less accepted I will be as a queer person.

For example, I joined a queer friend-finding app recently which didn’t have an option to label myself heterosexual. At first I went stealth and didn’t list my sexuality, and I got lesbians calling me a tease. I made a public post about being transhet and I mostly got messages from weird cis men.

I’m going to look for friends only under the trans umbrella for now, online and irl.

To that end: I like pop music, knitting, and politics. Please tell me your favorite online communities and people to follow!

  • flora_explora@beehaw.org
    4·
    8 months ago

    Oh, that sounds really hard. Sorry to hear!

    I think it’s probably mostly a result of living in a rural area? If I had to live in an area with only cishet people, trying to blend in a little, I would feel disconnected to the queer community as well! And I’m a transbian xD

    As a counterexample: One of my flatmates is cishet but all of her friends (and flatmates) are queer/nb/trans etc. We often talk about how she sometimes has the impulse to be ashamed of being straight because of how problematic cisheteronormativity is. But in my mind, she is also kind of queer because she tries in every way possible to dissolve cisheteronormativity. She is also surrounded by queer culture and is pretty far away from straight people in that regard.

    And I think this is actually a really hard position to be in: to be a feminist and simultaneously being romantically and sexually attracted to straight men. Resulting in heterofatalism and all that.

    It also depends on how you understand ‘queer’. Many would think not straight and/or not cis. To me, queer is very much political, not fitting in and trying to dismantle cisheteronormativity. However, queering cishet norms is not accessible to everyone and probably not advisable for anyone alone in a rural community? Also, I probably tend to be of that opinion because I’ve never fit in and get frequently misgendered the moment I step into straight spaces.

    I am obsessed with crocheting atm by the way. I made a humongous millipede (over 1.5 m long) and many other little critters I can cuddle :) What are you knitting?

    • midribbon_action@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
      3·
      8 months ago

      I’m so sorry about your experiences in straight spaces. It’s so easy to be respectful of someone’s identity and does so much harm to not be… I’m angry for you!

      I agree about how cisheteronormativity needs to be deconstructed and I probably wouldn’t be friends with anyone that says that straight culture doesn’t have problems. In the end, I think it’s up to each het individual to parse which parts of the culture are problematic. It’s not like I can change my sexuality anyways, and I’ve definitely tried lol.

      I’m finishing up a pair of socks at the moment! I’ve got a few things on cables or lifelines though, like a pink pig which would be my first stuffed animal!