I related to this article a little too much. I, too, began to collapse under stress in my mid-40s.
I totally relate to being caught on the backfoot by sudden loss of competence. For me the loss of competence feels like a loss of value. And oof the overwhelm at simple to-do lists. I absolutely lost my shit yesterday, about how life is just doing tasks until you die.
I have this sad conversation with myself multiple times a week :( hang in there
Cries in ADHD. Seriously, I thought I was having a midlife crisis. Everything is just struggling to maintain and trying to tick off as much as possible from the list and somehow the list never changes anymore.
“ambushed by a sudden inability to deal with stress” wow, exactly. This is fascinating, thank you for sharing! I’ve only very recently learned all my “I’m def going crazy” new traits I was investigating are perimenopause, and that I’m not losing my mind or “definitely dying” (anxiety is winning as one of the top symptoms). But I had not yet tied my complete inability to handle even the smallest stressor to it yet! I was a freaking Major Incident Manager for 10 years, someone people called in a major crisis when things were really going sideways at my large company, and now I unravel if my kid forgets their thermos or spills their milk. This is helpful, thank you! It’s unfortunate that it sounds like finally getting onto HRT won’t fix this piece, but at least it helps to have an explanation
MHT/HRT will help with a lot of symptoms, but you’re right, it’s not going to make everything feel better all the time. Exercising regularly definitely helps and of course getting a good night’s sleep, but we know that’s not always possible either.
I sure am starting to feel this way. Not that I ever was put together but things have gotten harder the last year or so. And from what you all are saying it’s going to get worse. Bleh! At least I found this community instead of going in blind.
Great article. Unravelling is a perfect description of what we’re experiencing.
Has anyone read the book listed in the article? What’s Wrong With me? 101 Things Midlife Women Need to Know. Might be a good one to add to the list.
I think I might have to check out this book as well, have u read it already?
Does someone in your family have ADHD? Might seem odd to ask but something most people don’t know is that the symptoms of ADHD tend to get worse with menopause. Estrogen help to keep ADHD in check but when it drops so does the symptoms get worse.
Same thing can be noted before starting menstruation so women with ADHD might need a higher dose of their meds during that time.
It’s not odd to ask at all! I am late-diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, and yes, my symptoms did get worse with menopause. It was actually the worsening of my symptoms that led me to seek diagnosis.
Great to hear that you got diagnosed. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, get done and/or finding a good doctor.
I’m wondering about this myself because I have always had issues with things but the past year has just been…out of control I guess? Some things my boss said to me after almost getting fired kind of got me thinking. I don’t know, I’ve looked into it and want to at least get checked. Just in case. And I am pretty sure I have dyscalculia I’ve never gotten diagnosed with so might do that too.
How did you even go about getting a diagnosis at a later age if I might ask. I’ve read it can be hard. I know I need to go see a doctor for physical stuff and might ask to see a therapist but the mental health kind of sucks with my insurance and hospital group. It’s been years. Somebody needs to drag me there kicking and screaming like a toddler. Lol. Been trying to make myself make an appointment for the past 4 months.
How did you even go about getting a diagnosis at a later age
I live in Toronto, and there is an (free) adult neurodevelopmental clinic in my city. I’m very fortunate.
Not who you were asking but I was able to be diagnosed via my GP. This was after a year of therapy to make sure I wasn’t conflating things. My therapist agreed it was adhd however she could not diagnose so I went to a psych nurse who wanted to diagnose me as bipolar after an hour and one 10 question survey. Left there in tears because I am not bipolar! No one who knows me would say that either!!!
All I wanted was an adhd assessment but no she couldn’t do that. So ended up talking to my GP about it and he asked me some questions and said why not try some meds and see what happens. I mean not the best way to go but I was all but certain this was my issue so I went with it. Of course now I have serious imposter syndrome about it since I didn’t have a “real” assessment. But the meds work for me.
Thanks for your input. I am going to try. I have an appointment with my GP and my gynecologist next week. Yes, I finally made the damned appointments. I’ll see what happens I guess. Really don’t like doctors. Need to do something before i devolve into even more of a mess though. Going to ask for therapy and assessment referrals from GP plus blood tests i think and then ask about peri stuff with gynecologist plus get those not fun tests done. Meanwhile my damned job keeps giving me more work…I’m like noooo…I am going to freaking loose my mind. 🙄 sorry it wasn’t easy for you to get assessed and they didn’t want to listen. If the meds work though isnt that a sign its real. Don’t doubt yourself, you know your struggles. And yes, I know that’s easier said than done. Once again thank you and I wish you well.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I know it’s because of my ADHD and peri menopause; not to sound dramatic but I honestly have been feeling like I might not make it out of this and will be another statistic, I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I was once hospitalized after a miscarriage for this same feeling; of course I was sad about the miscarriage but this and that is a different kind of feeling, it’s not a sad because of loss feeling; I feel empty inside, can’t sleep (for over 10 years), I can’t function, feel hollow inside, brain fog that is almost inexplainable, joint pain, you name it. I now know this is hormones but doesn’t stop me from wishing to not wake up; I have been dealing with these hormone issues my whole life and add the ADHD to it and I honestly feel like, game over, I’m done, someone please take me out.
Hey friend, I hear you. I have had a number of moments over the years, including the last few days, of not being able to take it anymore. So much joint pain, so much insomnia, so much sadness, so much shit! I cannot find relief from these debilitating symptoms, and many times, it just feels like too much. I’m turning 45 next week, I’ve been experiencing terrible peri symptoms since I was 37, and it all feels so unfair. When will it end? Why does it have to be so bad? Why is there so little help out there for us? I just want you to know you are not alone, and this shit is the worst. Hugs!
I’m sorry things have been so tough for you, that sucks :(
I think my mother had undiagnosed ADHD and my daughter has diagnosed ADHD. so I am getting tested. 40’s have been absolute mess with stress. Gained over 70 pounds with stress that lead to 4 bouts of depression. I’m finally pulling out on mental health meds and got on Wegovy for weight after everything else failed.
I thought it was I was “weak” and couldn’t handle things anymore. This article really articulates what has been happening in my life the last 7 years. I’m just grateful for this community
Definitely relate to article, I had a best friend for 20 years that occasionally would annoy me with negative/critical comments which I would easily/quickly move on from. When I hit my mid 40’s my threshold for stress got lower and lower and I became increasingly “triggered” by her comments. I became unable to tolerate anything she said and had to completely cut off the relationship.
Same! Still in it. Hoping I’ll get into the swing of older-age one of these days.
There’s a new subreddit for peri and menopause. It’s called r/menopausemavens
