cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1852371

I ended up opening up to ten books and reading them for a few days (going one by one by one and then back again, trying to repeat the process).

Then asked myself “What am I doing?”

I was trying to be productive now that I don’t have a job, but I realized that I’m almost done with university and have an internship now; I’m already focused on those two things and was just trying to make up for “free time.” I mean, what the hell… I didn’t have to make myself “more productive” but here I am.

I also decided to stop another activity of mine that I was practicing 'cause, again, I felt I needed to do it rather than wanting to do it.

A YouTube video that inspired me was here, btw. But it wasn’t the only inspiration. Just a creeping realization among other things.

In the end, I got overwhelmed and realized I didn’t want to do… any of these things. There were only two books that I wanted to read immediately anyways and the rest I could save for later if I wanted to get to them. I told some friends and I now know someone who admitted to trying to read up to twenty (I’m guessing by going through each one and then back again each week). I’m not judging, but now I know how extreme things can get.

And here I was being against “required reading” (which I kinda still am as I believe, outside of a few classics and fundamental material, Marxists should read whatever the hell they want, and even then, I’m pretty lax about that rule).

Welp, that’s all.

How are you all doing this week?

  • taiphlosion@lemmygrad.ml
    3·
    9 months ago

    Oof two therapists. Is that better or worse for you?

    I was also abused by my dad for my entire childhood and even part of my adult life so I totally understand 😞

    • Pluto [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      3·
      9 months ago

      My therapists are working together in this case and this new one was recommended by my (recent) old one.

      I’ve had the previous one for a few months and I’m loving fae. Faer’s great.

      • taiphlosion@lemmygrad.ml
        3·
        9 months ago

        Wow I’ve never heard of therapists working together like that, that’s really neat! I’m glad that’s working out for you 😊

          • taiphlosion@lemmygrad.ml
            3·
            9 months ago

            I’m honestly kinda worried about trying to start therapy myself for this reason (am also autistic), especially since the last time I had one I ended up walking out cause he was being racist, and when I called him out on it he said that I was “angry” but didn’t even attempt to understand why I was.

            Not an indictment of all therapists (as I used to wanna be one) but it was a bad experience

            I’d also like to be able to have an autistic therapist so I could avoid that if possible