I don’t want to downplay the racism that is absolutely rampant in situations like these, they treated me, a very white guy in the same way. My now ex-wife and young child disappeared while I was in meetings. I came out of my home office, tried for a while to contact her, and after getting no reply called the police. Neither vehicle was gone, no notes, no indications of where they went.
They searched my house, my vehicles, even threatened to break into the camper we had to search it when I couldn’t immediately find the key.
It took them hours to locate them, and after wouldn’t tell me anything other than they were found.
Turns out she had taken my kid to her family’s cult compound, I immediately started court proceedings, then COVID helpfully came along to drag that out for years. I now have 50/50 custody, moved us all far away from that cult so she is less likely to take her back there, paid out the nose to get my ex to agree.
I did put my dog in the bathroom before they arrived, cause I know how that goes…
Thank you, I really appreciate it. There’s a LOT left out of the abusive conditions I lived in leading up to that, I was forced to sleep on the floor for a couple of years, forced to physically abuse myself for her amusement once I was well and truly broken. She used my kid as a pawn to manipulate and control me and it worked. She used my size to intimidate other people to get what she wanted. Burned down our home.
Cut me off from all of my friends and family.
I’m doing a LOT better these days, it’s been a few years now. Through therapy and giving myself space I uncovered memories of being sexually abused by a priest in my youth, which surely didn’t help, and the legal ramifications of that are still turning as we speak.
I’m still a broken human, but I’m a much better version of myself than I was a few years ago. I struggle, and fight the constant feeling that I should cease to exist, but as long as my kid needs me I have a thread holding me down.
I have the most amazing partner now, who has shown me what it is really like to be loved beyond being a parent. Something I never experienced until the last couple of years.
I’m writing a letter to my kid, that I will give her when they are much much older, outlining what those years were like. I know they can see the evil in their mom, but can’t name it yet. I haven’t said a word about it to them, and have no plans to until much much later or until they start to ask me about based on their observations.
I had intended to just say thank you, but … it feels good to let it out. Very very few people who know me have heard that much of the story. Thank you for hearing me. I truly appreciate it.
Dude… Just… Dude… I cannot fathom going through what you’ve written here. It’s like being in hell… I’m really glad to hear you’re doing better, and I’m REALLY glad you’ve found someone who loves you for who you are! And u don’t know why, but I’m actually thankful that you shared. Possibly because I’m struggling myself right now (with 1st world problems, which cannot be compared to what you’ve been through at all - I’m just winter depressed).
I cannot confirm this, but I sincerely think your kid will appreciate the letter(s) - I know I would’ve.
When I’m back at my computer tomorrow, I’ll write to you directly 😊
I don’t want to downplay the racism that is absolutely rampant in situations like these, they treated me, a very white guy in the same way. My now ex-wife and young child disappeared while I was in meetings. I came out of my home office, tried for a while to contact her, and after getting no reply called the police. Neither vehicle was gone, no notes, no indications of where they went.
They searched my house, my vehicles, even threatened to break into the camper we had to search it when I couldn’t immediately find the key.
It took them hours to locate them, and after wouldn’t tell me anything other than they were found.
Turns out she had taken my kid to her family’s cult compound, I immediately started court proceedings, then COVID helpfully came along to drag that out for years. I now have 50/50 custody, moved us all far away from that cult so she is less likely to take her back there, paid out the nose to get my ex to agree.
I did put my dog in the bathroom before they arrived, cause I know how that goes…
Holy shit dude! I’m so sorry that you experienced this. If you ever need to vent, I’m here for you. I’d be more than willing to “listen” (read: read).
Thank you, I really appreciate it. There’s a LOT left out of the abusive conditions I lived in leading up to that, I was forced to sleep on the floor for a couple of years, forced to physically abuse myself for her amusement once I was well and truly broken. She used my kid as a pawn to manipulate and control me and it worked. She used my size to intimidate other people to get what she wanted. Burned down our home.
Cut me off from all of my friends and family.
I’m doing a LOT better these days, it’s been a few years now. Through therapy and giving myself space I uncovered memories of being sexually abused by a priest in my youth, which surely didn’t help, and the legal ramifications of that are still turning as we speak.
I’m still a broken human, but I’m a much better version of myself than I was a few years ago. I struggle, and fight the constant feeling that I should cease to exist, but as long as my kid needs me I have a thread holding me down.
I have the most amazing partner now, who has shown me what it is really like to be loved beyond being a parent. Something I never experienced until the last couple of years.
I’m writing a letter to my kid, that I will give her when they are much much older, outlining what those years were like. I know they can see the evil in their mom, but can’t name it yet. I haven’t said a word about it to them, and have no plans to until much much later or until they start to ask me about based on their observations.
I had intended to just say thank you, but … it feels good to let it out. Very very few people who know me have heard that much of the story. Thank you for hearing me. I truly appreciate it.
Dude… Just… Dude… I cannot fathom going through what you’ve written here. It’s like being in hell… I’m really glad to hear you’re doing better, and I’m REALLY glad you’ve found someone who loves you for who you are! And u don’t know why, but I’m actually thankful that you shared. Possibly because I’m struggling myself right now (with 1st world problems, which cannot be compared to what you’ve been through at all - I’m just winter depressed).
I cannot confirm this, but I sincerely think your kid will appreciate the letter(s) - I know I would’ve.
When I’m back at my computer tomorrow, I’ll write to you directly 😊
Don’t try to compare, our circumstances are different, but how we feel and how our situations impact us are just as valid as the other.
I hope you start to make the turn, I know how hard it is to get out of the depressive hole we often find ourselves in!