I need serious help, comrades. I thought I was doing better, maybe I was lying to myself, maybe I’m insane, I don’t know.

All I know is I’ve spent far too much money on drugs, doing them super often, and in places I shouldn’t be. Anything I could afford.

I’m so down and so dysfunctional that I am struggling to hold down jobs or do much of anything without the aid of being fucked up. Last night I got so demolished (ketamine + weed) that I couldn’t function around my girlfriend. It was embarrassing. I was having full on schizophrenic like experiences and the worst self esteem issues I’ve ever experienced and I realized that I was fucking my life and body up and headed down a very dark path. Said some embarrassing shit too.

I feel like such a loser. Not for finally getting help but for where I put myself and just I don’t know

I’m sorry everyone

If anyone has anything inspirational or anything to say I’d appreciate it because I’m in a spiral right now

I still feel like I’m in the void

Is this forever because it feels like it’s already been forever

  • KiG V2
    4•2 years ago

    There’s already great support here so I will just say that you can do it, plain and simple. I’ve been so depressed I was dully suicidal for years. My girlfriend was a heroin addict. I’ve known people who were homeless. Me and many had terrible personality afflictions due to abuse or similar experiences, affecting our esteem and behavior and all the rest. It IS possible to escape the black hole. It IS possible to wake up in a few years and realize your life is substantially better. It’s not easy and it’s a matter of 1000000 small battles, not any one singular moment. From what little I know of you you, like all our comrades here, are very smart and considerate and I know you have the will within you. I don’t know what is necessary for you to try and build a better life for yourself but I know that you are capable of determining that and achieving it.

    Remember that these bad feelings are like a fog that make everything seem like shit, always has been and always will be, but that is not the truth, it is an illusion, a spell of sorts. It helped me to externalize my demons and treat them like foreign saboteurs who feed off my suffering; I don’t know what you believe in or what you can or need to believe in, but find it, find what works, by any means necessary.

    As always, I’m terribly inconsistent, and I only check my notifications once every blue moon or less, but if you need to talk hmu because I can talk it all!