I mean okay if I read this in good faith I think you are kind of addressing this weirdly.

You can say something ableist without „meaning to do harm“. It really just is a phrase that has been used in really grotesque fashion in the past and we do live in a context. We might just have a fundamental disagreement on how we think about discourse.

As you have said you could make the same point without using this exact phrase so I firstly don’t believe that your opinion is suppressed on the topic. Secondly I think as able-bodied people sometimes it just is not our right or place to say that language that has hurt marginalised people can be used by us or redeemed for that matter because we just talk about ourselves.

Again yes I think you should be empowered to control your life and the end of it. And there are many ways to say this instead of: Id rather die than be (insert marginalised group).

Maybe as a different minority I can only offer that it just feels icky to me if another group wants to use words that have been used against me because that’s the way they want to express themselves. That’s why I engaged with your question in good faith

I would say there is a HUGE difference between saying:

I‘d rather die than be disabled and I‘d rather die than have to live with some disabilities.

The former is really just saying: any disability makes life not worth living and the latter at least acknowledges that there are only a few disabilities you would deign to be „too much“ for you.

But the general problem with this „stance“ I would say is that we are talking about human lives. If we talk about what we would like to eat its kind of whatever. But in this case you are saying that people with (some) disabilities have lives that you say you don’t think are worth living. People with disabilities have gotten killed for this, because abled-bodied people just say what they think and their opinions are seen as more reliable, natural and important.

So yes, I would also say that the phrase is a clearly ableist position. You can argue that it is „just a personal position“ sure, it’s still ableist though and uses the same framework of eugenicists for example. And of course you can still hold that position. But maybe give it a thought on why that is your opinion.

Have you ever listened or talked to different disabled people on their experiences or is this more a gut feeling? Why are you drawing such a hard line? Is this more a perspective on assisted suicide?

I think the Westbank sponsorship was a joke as they follow it up with a surfshark sponsorship. But it was a dicey joke to make

Otherwise nice links!

I dunno if I like jumping to mental illness as an explanation for this in reinforcing established and disproven stereotypes

Theres even a hbomberguy video about it, if you wanna invest some hours more on the topic :D

Love this conversation. And I also think it’s totally a tricky one.

To me - like flora_explora, ‘feeling my own feminity’ is reclaiming feelings and aspects of myself that I felt denied, that wouldn’t match my ascribed gender.

So maybe that really is the reason, why this phrase does not resonate with you. Nowadays I also perosnally do not think of myself as feminine or masculine and only use those descriptions when I am describing myself to others who do not know me as a shorthand not because I personally ascribe to them. So I haven’t thought much about reclaiming feminity or masculinity in a while

Hadn‘t heard about 15-minute cities before the video but was kinda shocked that ofc it was already viewed as a conspiracy.

Because to me the 15minute city sounds fucking amazing.

Viel Erfolg beim weiteren Lernen! Wenn du es schon so weit geschafft hast, wirst du es bestimmt auch bis zum 1000. Tag schaffen auch wenn ich hoffe dass es eher aus Freude an der Sache passiert und nicht nur wecen deinem OCD.

Und ich habe auch schon öfter gehört, dass mehrere Sprachen gleichzeitig lernen leichter sein soll. Mich hat Chinesisch als tonale Sprache immer eher abgeschreckt aber Spanisch mochte ich auch gerne lernen :)

Now get to work removed 💅🏾

Thank you for the lovely instance! I have been here since the reddit thing and feel like I wouldn’t have stayed with Lemmy if it hadn’t been for this lovely instance and the very amazing community you have moderated and fostered.

Thank you for all the hours of work and dedication, it’s a huge pleasure with you two at the helm. To another year!

I think it really goes to show how reality bending it is when so much wealth is concentrated on singular people and that it’s just not healthy for us as a society.

Like even if he was a saint I don’t want any human to have direct control over so many things ESPECIALLY if he was not elected to do so in any capacity.

That he specifically has so many many „views“ on things I do not agree with just makes it that much more egregious

Interesting article!

I haven’t been in a dedicated men only group chat but I can imagine that if you get the right guys in a group it might just be „that easy“. I think it’s a great space to try and model how you want to interact with your peers.

And I’m glad to hear that the author has that support group in his life :)

I personally also find it a bit easier to share heavy topics over texting rather than talking.

Interesting article!

I haven’t been in a dedicated men only group chat but I can imagine that if you get the right guys in a group it might just be „that easy“. I think it’s a great space to try and model how you want to interact with your peers.

And I’m glad to hear that the author has that support group in his life :)

I personally also find it a bit easier to share heavy topics over texting rather than talking.

There is a spammer in the comments, they are not refering to OP :)

really liked the comic, thank you for sharing

I like Dr. K and I like the video.

I like how he articulates how emotions or circumstances are constructed for men to be solved. Not to be articulated, pondered upon and to feel much about. If you have a problem you should solve it basically. “Man the fuck up” as he points out.

His depiction of “men atriculating feelings differently” with showcasing how men can be kind of “harsh/unfriendly” in their communication of affection (basically soft bullying/negging in his examples) instead of saying: hey I really like you and stuff. He calls it negative expression for positive affection is fine I think. Tangent: [But I dunno - like I know I just read The will to change form Bell Hooks and am so happy she really writes what I’ve been thinking and mulling about for years - but I am missing this critique of what we are taught and into what social constructs we are born into. Dr. K mentions that we are taught this and I get that he doesn’t wanna get too political about it. But why are “all men like this” and why can’t men escape this even if they tried? I’d argue it’s because socialisation and patriachy keeps it that way. The idea that men have to be domineering, controlling and a leader at all times. And this totally warped perception that control and domination can only be linked to (physical) violence and the readiness to use it as well as emotional coldness and distance.] Tangent over

I like that he really touches upon the physicality of emotions, that psychotherapy is often just the talking cure but that there are also physical ways of dealing with strong emotions. I also like that he states that he feels that hugging feels more important to men than his women clients. But here I’d also argue that it is linked to my aforementioned tangent. That it is this artifical distance men are forced into that starves them from literal connection/touch.

I also like him mentioning different/supplemental therapies more geared towards men. There are a lot of upcoming/developing therapy approaches. I know the last time I looked it up I found one centred around “adventure therapy” which sounded like a 5-day nature retreat for men only where they were hiking, and doing survival stuffs while talking in the evening/ in between exercises to connect.

So yeah, I think it’s an informative video. Personally I would’ve loved some feminist partiachial critique of male socialisation yada yada. Otherwise thanks for sharing, I only had it on my to watch list, but you gave me the push to commit for it :)

Edit: I’d honestly say that while I think it is alright to not feel as articulate about your own emotions I think it is just a good practice to at least consistently try to get better at it. So much of our communication with others is easier when we get across what we truly want. So I think talking is really effective (but obviously I love talking with this wall of text:))

I’ve been starting to read Bell Hooks - The will to change and am really liking it.

It really encapsulates a lot of my positions concerning men liberation through feminist means and perspectives.

In other news I’m trying to keep socialising with friends and discussing ideas/feelings and dreams and it sometimes feels a bit over the top but it mostly feels very nice.

I’ll resume my Masters next year and recently started reading The Will to Change by Bell Hooks

and I’m flabbergasted that there is literature about topics I felt like I was developing a personal opinion about :D Otherwise I’m struggling with a person in my friend group who feels so disinterested in everything and mostly just annoyed and combative. As I usually game in my free time it’s ridiculous to me to have such an incredibly bad mood in your free time and when spending time with friends for MONTHS. rant over

Imposter syndrome is for sure hard to shake. For how long has it been going on?

And yeah meddling family is also totally my typical nightmare

That does sound more than rough and harsh :( I’m sorry to hear that you are so alone and that it has such a negative development. Especially as it sounds like you are the only one still fighting for the marriage. :/

Haha but yeah I totally get that :D Some things I basically only do for my partner cuz they are so incredibly important to them, but I would never do them. One of those things is that when I was outside using public transport I always change my clothes at home lest I bring the germs onto our furniture (I dunno if that is remotely how it works) but I’ve grown kind of accustomed to it - when he’s not at home for a while I immediately stop doing it though xD

I recently also watched something by the Gottman Institute. https://youtu.be/AKTyPgwfPgg?si=O3X3vrNUIlVFx27M The way I understand it he’s a researcher on relationships with another researcher and they really study how relationships work in being positive experiences for both. He also very clearly argues that communication WITH and responding positively to your partner are key factors. I honestly didn’t have many relationships before my currently longterm one so I’m usually always looking for other perspectives on how to feel/understand our topics in the relationship. How long has your rleationship been going on for now?

And yes I always think that’s funny how fringe groups are sometimes so knowledgeable about certain topics. On the other hand I know it from my outing and living as a gay man. Like you were so forced to be confronted with your own desires being “deviant” from normal issues that you are so forced to do a deep dive into the thematic and really explore it, understand it and sometimes subvert it outright. And yes the way I remember it I also felt comfortable in BDSM places of communication but found polyamourous a bit more approachble :D

WELLLLLL those are a lot of overlaps between us :D I’m doing an MSc in Psychology, it should be alright honestly, like I know it’s gotta be manageable and I performed well in the years before, I’m just a bit anxious in general I would say xD So the wait for it is harder for me >.< In the last year I can mostly do stuff to specialise which is going to be male socialisation and men mental health issues and stuff. So I’m quite hopeful I’ll do alright :D What’s your master in? :) And I think it’s cool that you gave it another shot. I honestly think studying is fun, as is any kind of learning that resonates with you. And you do strike me as a curious person :) I can totally see how in some parts of our life studying just doesn’t fit.

And I play League of Legends xD Two peas in a pod for real :D They recently took away the game mode I REALLY enjoyed playing with a friend so it feels like a chore currently, I totally feel you there. Dota 2 felt a bit to complx for me when I played it for a while AGES ago :D