Fénix (they/he)

Age: 30-some

Gender: nonbinary + transmasc + nth-gender (or: dragongender as in I collect a pile of them and sleep on it)

Sexuality: demisexual fagdyke

Location: Oregon, USA

Occupation: code monkey

  • 2 Posts
  • 13 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: November 12th, 2023

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  • I grew up in a family where everyone sat by default, so to me peeing while standing up is less gendered than it is for most people, I think. I’d still choose the ability to do everything your average cis guy can do if I could, of course. I don’t yet know if I’ll be able to sexually penetrate my partner, but I expect to not be able to and that is a thing I will feel a little sad about. Ejaculating and standing to pee are more “nice to haves” but that doesn’t mean I won’t occasionally wish I could do them.

    My experience of just this last few days, though… looking in the mirror and seeing a tiny but definite penis for the first time was a huge euphoric moment. I’ve tried prosthetics and they sometimes make the dysphoria worse, making me more aware of what I don’t have basically. This is like the opposite, where sure, I don’t have all those abilities, but I have a penis! It’s familiar and a real organic part of me!




  • For me, the dysphoria was around not having a penis, rather than having a vagina, so I didn’t feel the need for vaginectomy. I’m nonbinary transmasc anyway, and my kind of ideal was to go for “best of both worlds” rather than cis-equivalent. (Also, I knew meta probably wouldn’t give me enough size for penetrative sex, and I didn’t want to make that otherwise more difficult.)

    So far recovery is going well! I’m not in much pain and have been able to waddle around like a penguin from basically when I woke up after the surgery.






  • Very interesting links, thank you!

    I did intramuscular cypionate at varying levels for most of my time on T, every two weeks, so not a lot of experimentation except for the dosage. Sounds like I should definitely talk to my prescribing doctor about options, whether I end up switching back from gel or not…

    My therapist is actually a nonbinary trans woman, so I’m in good shape there; obviously her personal experience doesn’t include T delivery methods, but they also work with a bunch of other trans folks of all types, so there’s some tribal knowledge being filtered through there. I still learn more from the community than from medical professionals, though. Many thanks for the information and advice today!


  • Do you have a source on the topical/DHT connection? It kind of fits my experience, but I would love to see actual data there, as I am waffling about whether to stay on gel or go back to injections myself.

    I started on injected, ramped up until it actually caused me problems (turns out my family history of epilepsy and migraines around puberty is androgen-sensitive, and I started having difficulty with light triggering awful headaches). Sustained at I think 50-60 mg after that, took about two years break and back on injections at 60 until I switched to gel about a year ago. The reason I say the DHT matches my experience is because I had a definite increase in hair growth and possibly bottom growth after switching and getting the dose right. (I had very little bottom growth before, and I still don’t really notice it.)

    The whole process has been a little frustrating for me. Voice change, hair growth and muscular development were what I most wanted from T, but I turned out to be a tenor, got the genetics for just enough facial and chest hair to make it obvious how little I have, and my ability to get muscle definition is worse than the women in my family still. Like, I feel good on T, but it hasn’t been what I dreamed of as far as transforming my body.




  • I take voice acting classes and am in a number of voice acting Discords and… I doubt it. Voice acting’s fun, and there’s aspects of it that might help, but the focus is pretty different.

    That said, to OP’s question: I’ve never seen masculinizing voice training offered, anywhere. It’s all the other way, because there’s an assumption that people will do HRT and that for most transmascs the resulting change will be enough. I’ve contemplated it myself, because my voice is still pretty high and my speech patterns get me ma’amed on the phone, but it seems to be pretty rarely offered.