crosswind [they/them]

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  • 80 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: October 20th, 2022

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  • the instant hostility and grudgekeeping

    The thing that got me was that he absolutely kept grudges, but because he was such a prolific powerposter there was no way he could actually keep track of everyone he’d argued with, so sometimes he would haphazardly lump people into grudge groups, and act like they were all the same person. Especially right after federation, it was funny to see some lemmy person wander in and voice an opinion about a tv show or video game and have him go off on them, but it was pretty offputting when he would start referencing the whole history of beef that they supposedly had together, and the other person would be completely baffled.



  • I think the emphasis on “keep it in proportion” is trying to acknowledge that there’s a deeper discussion to be had there without getting too sidetracked from the main point of the post. To get in to that discussion, I would say that shame is not a tool to be used, but effectively handling a situation where a child has caused significant harm (maybe not swearing, but something more serious) is going to involve some amount of guilt or shame.

    Sometimes children misbehave because they have to, but often it’s because they don’t understand why what they did is wrong, or that there’s a better way to act. If someone can explain these things, a small, appropriate amount of guilt can make the lesson much more memorable.

    This takes a lot of skill, and understanding of the situation the kid is in, how they are feeling, and how they are reacting. Many people don’t follow this, and they can cause more harm doing it badly. But trying to educate someone after they’ve done something wrong while avoiding causing them any guilt at all is not going to be very effective. And reserving shame or guilt only for people you’ve declared to be lost causes is not a healthy approach.