Hey that means a lot. Oceans and landmasses are in the way, but I appreciate you.

So the number. Out of 50, 30 are just my colleagues. I didn’t all invite them individually, a few I did, but mostly I gave a group invite. It’s quite usual for the colleagues to hang out together, go to stuff together. So that leaves 20 people I invited by hand.

Thanks. Those are good points. I’m 40. I’ve been to therapy. And it’s not like I can just go, there’s no spots, no therapists, no waiting lists. I have a social therapist who’s okay, I guess. I’m on bupropion, but after about 2,5-3 years, I finally want to get off it. I hate being on antidepressants so long, I’ve had bad experiences with taking them too long.

The hard thing about learning these mental patterns and tools as a person with ADD seems to me, like I have to learn them again and again and again…

I’ve been diagnosed about 2-3 years ago only…

I’m glad it worked out for you so far. Good luck out there

Thanks for the insights. I don’t think I can say I had fun or similar, when I didn’t. I had anxiety the whole night and felt incredibly awkward and ashamed.

Yeah thanks for the advice and the wishes. I think you’re exactly right about how those conversations could turn out. So I guess something uncommitting like you suggested is a good start …

I like the idea with the smaller dinners. Sadly, people don’t come around my place. It’s a bit out of the way. And I thought the “bigger” plans are exactly good for the kind of conversations where you aren’t too close with the people and you can get closer with them. In a café/restaurant/bar/living room setting, you have to do small talk…

Ja danke. Ich bin schon relativ gut auf meine Medikamente eingestellt. Aber ein lebenslanges Trauma löst sich nicht mal eben so

“Freut mich” dass mein Post dich dazu animiert hat.

Thank you. That means a lot and I hope your situation improves, too.

I wrote it in another comment: I can see how it’s partly not about me. Everyone had a specific and relatable and legit reason not to come. Just in the collection it also is indicative of my standing. So apparently I don’t have 50 friends, I don’t appeal to people in general and I don’t pull people who have ever the slightest reason not to go.

Danke. Das ist gerade sehr mein Thema. Ich habe darüber gerade einen aktiven Thread auf der englischsprachigen Community hier laufen.

Was dem Artikel und auch den anderen Quellen fehlt (und mir auch) ist ein: wie gehe ich als Betroffener damit um? Wie kommuniziere ich Anderen, dass es mir wichtig ist, mich zugehörig zu fühlen? Wie sage ich, dass es mir weh tut, mich durch ihr Verhalten abgelehnt zu fühlen? Und das ohne sie vor den Kopf zu stoßen? Oder tut man so als wäre nichts? (Und wenn ja, wie geht das???)

Thanks. That’s a real answer to my question. I’m just so tired of trying…

I think they don’t know how important it was for me. And I don’t think that I can tell them.

Thanks for the perspective. I don’t know what to learn from it. Reading the comments here makes me think that many of us learn the same dark lessons: don’t socialise, stay alone.

But again: how do I respond to “how was the partyyyy?!”(Big smiles)

I am sorry for you, too.

I try to take solace from many people feeling the same. But it all collects. There’s lots of people who feel a similar way and they can’t ever get together, because that’s exactly what we’re not capable of…

Thanks.

It’s a bit disheartening that so many people relate but nobody can really help me with my question as to what to do now…

Thank you. I’ll save your comment to read it again :)

Ah yes the good old horseshoe. Good thing nobody uses this rhetoric anymore… … … _{_}

I think I can try throwing advice back to you: why not try and be part of the plans of the other people? I only too late realised that I didn’t spend time with people because I thought they didn’t want me to. And now I’m sitting here with nobody.

Just to say: this is what AI is useful for. It can translate the whole thing to an okay standard if you want it to.

I know what you mean and it’s the reason why at one point in the past, I started going to clubs or events by myself. I would invite people not expecting anyone to show up, thinking that I’d only invite people if I’d go by myself anyway.

Those things do work. But they sure don’t make me less alone.

Thanks. I’m not sure what to say. It’s the last sentence that gets me. I cannot hold these connections seemingly. I don’t have the social stamina to keep in touch with people. And if I scale back my efforts, I don’t think I will form any connections at all.

But I appreciate you taking the time to write to me.

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate them.

I think I handled the invites okay. I did remind people. I did so several “waves” of invites depending on the closeness of the people.

My birthday isn’t important to me. That’s why I never celebrated. I wanted to celebrate my 40th because I feared that being by myself would be too painful with the big number. But this ended up being much worse.

I don’t think that I don’t understand why people haven’t come. Most have told me reasons and I can relate to lots of them. I still don’t know how to handle it. How to tell people that it was important to me without antagonising them. I know I can’t pretend like it’s no big deal and I’m really scared of all the questions of “how was your party?” I can’t lie. But if I tell people it was the worst day in a long time, I don’t think that comes across in any helpful way …

I’m sorry you feel that way. I feel that way now, too.

But I fear that living like you suggested would just lead to me being all by myself for the rest of my life, which I shouldn’t do, because that wouldn’t be long. I know I get so much sense out of my life by being in communities and being in exchange with other people. It’s the one thing that always seems to make me grow and feel things.

I don’t want to think that friendship or communion is an “enemy” that I need to defeat. I just need to learn how to deal with people