You know what the protestors need to use? Drones.

GEE WHY IS THAT I WONDER

That’s the most ironic name I’ve ever seen. I mean have you ever had gout? Just walking with it is all pain.

The news: can you believe it’s already February?

Me: ugh, I can’t believe it’s only February…

Will it though?

No, you have to get good at refusing to sad quit.

Theft is how the English language works, so why not food too? Since the actual English suck at the food part, America is happy to pick up the slack. Some of us are even appreciative of it.

I can’t wait until news comes out about cats or hawks killing and eating them.

There’s rewards for everything - they don’t really mean a whole lot.

When you blame the mayor for the weather.

Honestly if you’re dumb enough to invest in crypto then you’ve kinda got it coming.

Nobody sane is excited about working 70+ hour weeks, you vile bastards.

I’ll check it out, thanks. I hope its ads aren’t ironically inappropriate.

He looks like he’s be freebasing Cheeto dust.

I wouldn’t mind so much if he’d just stop ruining everything for everyone.

“Nothing’s working right since I downloaded my game.”

Okay dad, I’ll fix it. Again.

In a utopian future where most medicine is “apply doodad for 30 seconds” an autopsy probably is the most interesting part of the job.