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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 14th, 2023

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  • Whoo boy.

    I used to work in the financial industry, specifically in a program geared toward women (trying to make financial services more approachable and inclusive). Much of their published “educational” material is about the harsh financial realities of being a woman, and the writers keep repeating this falsehood … as if the phrase “controlled pay gap” is profanity.

    Don’t get me wrong, we should still be mindful of bias. We should acknowledge the pressure on women to take career breaks as caretakers (and, on the flip side, the pressure on men to be primary wage earners). And it’s perfectly valid to question whether pink collar work is undervalued and underpaid because these are traditionally female occupations.

    But the women I worked with (most of them VPs in finance) simply preferred to believe that they were underpaid because of their gender. No matter what dollar figure you offered, no matter the industry/company/job role/etc., they would firmly believe that having a penis = 20% pay bump.

    Like … that’s not how averages work ??









  • “Objective opinion” seems like an oxymoron, no? Did you mean the subjectivity of personal taste?

    I didn’t think this needed to be said in the context of casual conversation/griping…but no, I don’t consider my taste in clothing (or music, or movies, or books, or food) to be objective fact that overrules every other person’s perspective.

    If I post about how pineapple on pizza is amazing (which it is) and all you pineapple haters are missing out, that doesn’t mean I literally believe that everyone with taste buds will enjoy the taste of pineapple on pizza.

    This is just my personal reaction to having trouble finding comfortable, flattering clothes beyond athletic attire. And I thought there might be other 30-something-year-old women on the internet with similar frustrations who could offer a pointer or two.


  • It took me years, but I finally started to appreciate high-waisted jeans after it dawned on me…oh, you can tuck IN the shirt. (I also have wide hips, but most importantly a nickel sensitivity. So getting this layer of fabric between my belly and the top button was a game changer! And allowed for more comfortable sitting haha.)

    It’s interesting that you mention sewing. I’m not very crafty, but maybe I could find a tailor/seamstress to make the simple kind of summer dress that I find flattering & comfy: a knee-length cylinder of fabric, somewhat form-fitting but not bandage/bodycon-level slinky, with basic straps rather than boho pouf sleeves or fringe or whimsical off-the-shoulder cuts.

    P.S. I was also kind of a goth in HS, but less baggy goth and more Shirley Manson/Faith the Vampire Slayer inspired, with a bit of skapunk influence from my peer group. But I’m too lazy to accessorize these days ;) So at home it’s 90% athleisure, and in the office it’s the traditional business (casual) wardrobe I established ~10 years ago. Only, that’s starting to feel too formal, and I’m trying to reclaim an actual sense of style.





  • In my last job (which was on a team of all cis women), people shared their pronouns…both singular AND plural (i.e., how they wanted to be referred to in a group). Which is pretty bizarre. Like, what if one person’s plural pronoun is “folks” and another’s is “friends”…then which term are you supposed to use?

    And I came to hate saying “friends” because we weren’t friends. It was a soul-sucking corporate gig, and I wasn’t part of their mom squad…I never saw them outside of work, and I was always the last to learn about team changes, so let’s be real: we aren’t friends, we’re coworkers. It got creepy being expected to smile and address everyone as “friends”!

    FWIW, I have nothing against folks or guys or y’all ;)




  • This makes a lot of sense, actually.

    And I bet we all have this to some degree … I don’t WANT to think of myself as the bad guy. And my first reaction to criticism is usually defensiveness. Unless I’m already feeling bad/regretful about something, then I need some time and space to consider my behavior from someone else’s perspective.

    But yea in his parents’ case it seems painfully simple-minded: we’re on the correct side of history and fly BLM flags so we’re good people. Nevermind that we faked unemployment from the CARES act for a little spending money (not due to any financial hardship) or that we probably gave people COVID on our travels…because as long as they aren’t actively out there calling people names or posting conspiracy theories to facebook, they’re the good ones. They’re “inclusive”, not hateful. They’ll admit that we’re “all in this together” and yadda yadda.

    Maybe it’s partly how they were raised, but in this case, it also feels like political polarization has given them the confidence to be selfish a-holes.