I’ll be going overseas soon to visit and stay with my cousins for a few weeks. I’m fairly close to them and we get along well, so it’s not a problem interacting with them, as a generally shy and introverted person. However, I’ve absolutely no idea how to interact with their kids (3 and 7 years old). I’ve never been good with kids. I can’t make funny faces, speak “goo goo ga ga” nor play with them or entertain them in any fashion. I mean, I could try, but it’s just not in my nature, and it’ll come across as really fake and forced.

Mind you, I don’t hate kids, I just never interacted with them in any sort of extended fashion. I keep my distance from them and don’t want nothing to do with kids in general. I don’t find kids cute or funny or cuddly or anything of that sort, on the contrary, I find kids annoying and avoid them. I don’t care about them to the point that I won’t even ring my niblings and wish them a happy birthday, if I wasn’t forced to by my family (and I usually try and weasel out of it by coming up with some excuse).

In saying all that, the reason why I’m asking this question is because I don’t want them to grow up hating me or thinking of me like I’m that “weird uncle”, cause maybe in the future, when I become old, I may have to rely upon them for whatever reasons. Like if I look at myself now, I have a good relationship with my elderly aunts and uncles, and they rely upon me for various things - mostly technical help, but even just in general if I’m ever visiting them I help them out wherever I can. Plus I enjoy conversing with them and learning of their various life experiences. I would like to have a similar amicable relationship with my niblings when I grow old, but I can’t help think that I’m pushing them away due to my shy and introverted nature.

And as a reference, I have another cousin who’s the exact opposite of me: typical extrovert alpha male type. He treats his niblings as if they were his own kids, like he does the airplane with them, takes them out for treats or other fun outdoor activities etc etc, and actually has conversations with them. I mean, that’s all pretty cool I guess, but that’s just not me. I do not intend to be like that.

I guess what I’m after is, what’s the absolute minimal sort of interaction I can have with them, which won’t feel too forced or fake or in-your-face (like definitely no “goo goo ga ga” stuff please), whilst still keeping up appearances and making me come across as a “he’s a good uncle I guess, but just a bit quiet and shy” type of person? I’ve tried having “grown up” style small talk with them (like how’s your day going, or stuff about the weather) and obviously that didn’t work out too well. So I’d also appreciate stuff that I can talk to them about, like actual dialogues if possible, which won’t seem fake or forced coming out of me, a shy and introverted person.

  • Monkeytennis@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    My kids are 3 (girl) and 7 (boy), here are a few low effort things things that would win mine over:

    • Let them choose what to watch and properly watch it together, no looking at your phone. Bluey is a great kids show
    • Play Uno, Ludo, snakes and ladders, Dobble, snap, etc - you can team up with the 3yo
    • Draw pictures together - mine love mazes, monsters, etc. There are loads of good YouTube kids drawing tutorials
    • My girl loves anyone who will let her serve a tea party, and my boy loves to tell anyone about Minecraft or Mario games
    • Before you go, ask the parents what small token gift you can bring, preferably a treat or a small game you can play together

    If you want them to like you, you really just have to get down to their level and show genuine interest, or ask to join in. If that all sounds too much, then maybe it’s not going to happen.

    If successful, you might need to gently set some boundaries… But hopefully you form a nice bond with them. You don’t have be an extrovert for kids to like you - I’m a firm introvert, and kids seem to gravitate towards me, like cats.