• curiousaur@reddthat.com
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    1 year ago

    Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?

    • JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.

      • LaurelRerun
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        1 year ago

        No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.

        • JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works
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          1 year ago

          But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.

          • river@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.

            The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.

            Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.

            If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.

            • magikmw@lemm.ee
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              1 year ago

              Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.

              • river@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                Great. That’s your boundary. Sounds like you have disabled them permanently. I’m saying that people should use tools, and communication when necessary, to exercise their own boundaries, like you, rather than make meanings or assumptions, or expect others to be mindreaders.

            • JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works
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              1 year ago

              And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist.

              I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.

              • LaurelRerun
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                1 year ago

                I actually agree with you on that one. I hate voicemail. If I don’t pick up, shoot me a text or send a voice recording through the messaging app.

            • stebo02@sopuli.xyz
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              1 year ago

              I don’t even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 “unread” voicemails from months ago I never knew I’d gotten and it was just my mom saying “please call me back” or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.

              • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                1 year ago

                That sounds like something pretty heavily in the “you problem” zone. If it’s going to be acceptable to look down on folks who don’t understand stuff like chat apps, not understanding voicemail is still “oh god i am not good with technology how did i get here”

                • stebo02@sopuli.xyz
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                  1 year ago

                  I’m just saying voicemail was badly designed because it’s old and it’s never optimised since forever. I don’t see why anyone would still use it at this point but here we are

          • LaurelRerun
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            1 year ago

            Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.

            • stebo02@sopuli.xyz
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              1 year ago

              if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone

              • LaurelRerun
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                1 year ago

                This is true. It’s what I tell my mom because she never picks up her phone! 😄

            • JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works
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              1 year ago

              I don’t mind much. I just don’t call because it wastes people’s time. But I don’t want to let it go to voice mail because then it wastes their time.

              • curiousaur@reddthat.com
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                1 year ago

                Calling is only a waste of time if your conversationalism isn’t worth the time. You see the self own don’t you?

                • JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works
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                  1 year ago

                  It wastes time if they’re doing something more important and can’t talk right now. Not everything I want to talk about is of earth shattering importance, so it isn’t always worth their time if their doing something that is more important. If their time is more valuable sometimes, why is it bad that my conversation or question is less valuable than that? Sometimes I just want to catch up.

                  • curiousaur@reddthat.com
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                    1 year ago

                    If they are doing something important they won’t answer.

                    Again, you don’t need something earth shattering to talk to someone. It’s called being social.

                    And if you both care about each other, just catching up IS important.

              • LaurelRerun
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                1 year ago

                Ah, see in my opinion going to voicemail is just the risk you take if you call someone.

            • Honytawk@lemmy.zip
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              1 year ago

              You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.

              Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.

              • LaurelRerun
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                1 year ago

                A situation like that has only happened to me once… and they didn’t call, they emailed me.

        • stebo02@sopuli.xyz
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          1 year ago

          I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.

          • HughJanus
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            1 year ago

            Haha phone tag is what we used to do before text messages. Call each other over and over and you’re never both available 😂

        • socsa
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          1 year ago

          Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.

    • socsa
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      1 year ago

      Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.

    • QuinceDaPence@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.

      Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.

      • LaurelRerun
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        1 year ago

        Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn’t. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don’t directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.

      • PersnickityPenguin@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        Discord, that’s a good one. That’s a gaming communication app.

        You’ll be screwed in 4-5 years when it goes belly up.

        • Honytawk@lemmy.zip
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          1 year ago

          No, Discord is a communication app that is mainly used for gaming.

          That is like calling Whatsapp a family communication app.

    • stebo02@sopuli.xyz
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      1 year ago

      So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.

      Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.