• PolarisFx@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    We all crave normalcy or something like that, I tried multiple pills in order to feel normal. Zoloft > Wellbutrin > Effexor. I stopped Effexor cold turkey which is apparently very dangerous but had zero effect on me. But I stopped because I had zero feelings, I just existed, it honestly scared me (in my mind because I didn’t feel shit).

    5 years later they realized I was XXY, and my body doesn’t produce testosterone. Turns out hormones are important. Once I started Testosterone, the constant downward pressure I had endured for decades disappeared overnight. Now I have phantom depression, depression is my normal so I have a hard time dealing with the fact that I’m not depressed. But my body will try to make it feel like I’m depressed. It is weird and I don’t have the words to describe it, I thought being depression free would mean happy but instead it’s this weirdness…