Hey!

ADHD person stumbling in here from whatever lemmys equivalent of r/all is.

So I was diagnosed with ADHD about 20 years ago and nothing was really done about it on the professional medical side after I had a bad time with Ritalin and I’ve been mostly just working it out as I go along, though I’ve started trying medications as I get into my 30s because it was starting to really disrupt my career.

I’m no expert with ADHD, and even less so with autism, so take this with a grain of salt. It’s just how I think of it, and how it’s gone for me. Please correct me if I give a bad take, I would love to get more information and different options.

I read something awhile ago (I think in the book Driven To Distraction) that really stuck home with me. I don’t recall the quote but it basically said that the disorder is the negative aspects that are experienced.

Which I liked, because at the time I felt like ADHD was just who I was, and that the issues were because of who I was. If that makes any sense.

By isolating and focusing on mitigating the negative aspects, I could be my weird gremlin of a self, but also be happy and succeed in what I wanted to do.

So if you feel that the symptoms you are experiencing match that of autism, you can look up what (non-medical) solutions work for people with autism. Lifestyle changes and intentionally learning skills that seem like you should already have but dont made a much larger difference than medication did, at least for me. I always felt like I was born without the user manuals everyone else got and had to learn it manually.

For me medication does something more like lowering the gears when biking up a hill, now it’s less of a struggle, but I still need to ride the bike. Again, that’s just me.

Finding the right medication, or combination of medications is also a journey that took me many tries. It’s messing with brain chemistry, it takes a few attempts, you aren’t bothering your doctor or anyone if you want to try different things.

I bounced back and forth between Strattera and Vyvanse like 5 or six times, it can be hard to tell what’s working and what’s less effective, or the side effects are too disruptive. And all of the medications will have side effects that need to be weighed against the benefits.

I don’t recommend trying to self medicate (obviously), and if you are currently doing any drugs consider if you are using them to self medicate and could be more successfuly and sustainability helped by professionals. Just wanted to mention it because a friend of mine had done lot of coke because it was the only way he could work, turns out he had severe ADHD and actual medications worked way better for him and didn’t destroy his body.

You never need to justify any problems you feel you are having by telling people you have autism. However I’ve had lots of success when setting expectations with teachers and employers by letting them know that I have ADHD and that I can work best if we do XYZ things, as long as it’s reasonable and not very disruptive I’ve had zero issue with it so far, that said I work in an artistic industry that’s generally pretty chill, milage may vary.

So that’s my experience I guess! Sorry if it’s disorganized haha, but maybe something in there will help you.

To answer your questions more directly, and again this is my opinion:

“What happens now?” Nothing that you don’t want to do, I’m not saying you shouldn’t seek diagnosis and treatment, but you have the time to do it on your terms.

If it ever seems like the struggle isn’t worth it, and you are considering suicide, seek immediate help, your brain is lying to you and you will need help to counter it, there’s no shame in that. The struggle is always worth it, there’s so much cool shit in this world that makes living out the time we have absolutely worth it.

“I don’t want to just start saying that I’m autistic” You don’t need to tell people you may be autistic, you don’t need to use it to justify issues you may be having. However if you want to, you can use it as context to start conversations on how things could work better for you to let you succeed where you may be struggling.

It’s not a moral problem to struggle, it’s a moral problem to not seek solutions. Paradoxically it’s also not a moral problem to struggle to seek solutions… That one took me a while to work out.

If anyone tells you that having problems is because you are lazy or stupid they are incorrect and not helpful. If you care about their advice, or it’s important as part of a job or something, try to look past their poor criticism or bad advice and see how things might work better for you, in a way that works with how you work. Some people are jerks and won’t work with you, but the majority will do whatever is reasonable to let you get what you need done.

Get help and support where you can and support others in turn, forgive yourself where you fail, and don’t stop trying to intentionally seek happiness in life.

You will likely live with this your entire life, it may change a bit as you age, your brain is just wired up a bit differently. The negatives can be mitigated, and the rest is what makes you, you. And even though I don’t know you, I think you are great.

Sorry for the wall of text, I just really resonated with this post haha, young me had all these same questions and I just dumped what I wish I had known decades ago.