Any person unsure about their safety sitting next to a stranger with no options for escape. I wouldn’t feel particularly comfortable in such a situation.
UPDATE: I don’t understand the downvotes. I have read many comments saying similar things in response to the story: give this man the benefit of the doubt, not every behavior is mansplaining, you’re all judgmental and jumping to harsh conclusions, and so on.
I used to be in that chorus until my wife explained to me one thing: when the cost of failure is high enough, constant vigilance and suspicion is necessary for protection and maybe even survival. And I could either accept that or not.
It felt grim and I felt disappointed by the whole conundrum, but I had to accept it as it is. From there, my view of these kinds of situations changed.
Just sounds to me like he’s passionate about something. I guess he could be an ass, but to jump to that conclusion from just “you should train high milage” and then providing analysis is really a bit much.
Not really. Unsolicited advice can be very condescending. You’re telling them that info because you don’t believe they know it. Just ask them how familiar they are on the topic if it’s truly from a place of passion. Cause passionate or not, if they already know the info, it’s annoying to listen to someone just spout about something you already know. And it’s worse if they just assumed you didn’t know.
Edit: also, I’d take her opinion on the situation over yours any day. She decided that it would have someone not gone over well for the guy, so I’d imagine she had a reason. You’re the one assuming she acted without reason which is truly odd.
So, tell them about yourself. They’re a stranger, they’re going to get a lot of assumptions wrong, so what? Conversations can’t begin without making some assumptions. It’s only a problem when they start to ignore what you say.
I take it you’re not a woman or afab presenting then? Go ask a woman you trust to tell you what it means when a man starts explaining her hobbies to her as if she doesn’t understand them.
Man, guys do this to everyone because they care about what they do. I’ve had guys do it to me and I love it because we can have a passionate conversation then.
Look, if after she revealed who she was he dismissed her, then yeah, he’s an ass and the conversation is a waste of time. But, I know a lot of guys who would do exactly this and then be really excited to talk to her and learn about her experiences, myself included.
No, there are guys who absolutely talk to women as if they know nothing about the topic no matter what the woman stated before hand. I’ve seen guys do that to my coworker who’s been a developer for years and if they have to tell her some sort of critique on her code, they’ll explain from like a intro comp sci point and detail everything and then finally just mention their critique at the end. All that was needed was the criticism itself, not the full history of programming. When I get a critique, it’s just “hey, try XYZ because of ABC.”
Happens at the gym too. Hell, I’ve literally been next to a woman who brings up a topic they like that the other guy likes and then they just start talking to me and I didn’t even mention I enjoy the topic.
Just because you don’t do it, don’t pretend it doesn’t happen. Women react the ways they do because of experience. Also, I highly doubt you’ve seen guys talk to someone interested in the same topic in the same way as if the other person knows nothing. It’s disrespectful regardless of gender.
I’ve seen it happen.
Edit: let’s keep in mind, this whole time you’re correcting a woman on a topic that you’ve yet to show any experience in, plus weren’t even present for and all you have is her perspective, and you still said it’s wrong.
This doesn’t sound like a mansplain scenario to me, I think the guy was just happy to talk running (and also might not exist). So if a woman says they run I should say “well I’m sure you know everything there is to know about that. No need for further discussion.” ? Sounds fucking dull.
This thread is full of mountains of projection trying to explain why it’s fine and probably great that the guy in the OP did this.
But of course only one person involved in the whole post was actually there: the woman who made the tweet. Do you think that tweet is coming from someone who had to deal with a friendly-but-passionate dude explaining training techniques?
Could be, but the language of her tweet suggests annoyance.
Also your suggested response is equally obnoxious. It’s pretty simple: if she says she runs you ask more about it—“oh what kind of running do you do?”
What you definitely do not say is “you should be doing X” without asking what kind of training they already do. Seems obvious.
I mean, if the recommendations were prompted, sure. But if he just starts telling her what she should be doing without prompting, its that whole “mansplaining” thing I heard about.
Admittedly we only have her context, he could have just been passionately recounting his own routines and she may have misinterpreted it, or exaggerated for effect and humor.
Running plans are not gendered for the most part. It’s possible some exist, but they are not common, especially amongst enthusiasts as opposed to elite athletes.
Why not tell him? Who wouldn’t love that?
Any person unsure about their safety sitting next to a stranger with no options for escape. I wouldn’t feel particularly comfortable in such a situation.
UPDATE: I don’t understand the downvotes. I have read many comments saying similar things in response to the story: give this man the benefit of the doubt, not every behavior is mansplaining, you’re all judgmental and jumping to harsh conclusions, and so on.
I used to be in that chorus until my wife explained to me one thing: when the cost of failure is high enough, constant vigilance and suspicion is necessary for protection and maybe even survival. And I could either accept that or not.
It felt grim and I felt disappointed by the whole conundrum, but I had to accept it as it is. From there, my view of these kinds of situations changed.
Someone who makes assumptions about women and confidently tells them how they should be doing the things they are already doing.
Just sounds to me like he’s passionate about something. I guess he could be an ass, but to jump to that conclusion from just “you should train high milage” and then providing analysis is really a bit much.
Probably more along the lines of “I found this amazing program, check this out”
Not really. Unsolicited advice can be very condescending. You’re telling them that info because you don’t believe they know it. Just ask them how familiar they are on the topic if it’s truly from a place of passion. Cause passionate or not, if they already know the info, it’s annoying to listen to someone just spout about something you already know. And it’s worse if they just assumed you didn’t know.
Edit: also, I’d take her opinion on the situation over yours any day. She decided that it would have someone not gone over well for the guy, so I’d imagine she had a reason. You’re the one assuming she acted without reason which is truly odd.
So, tell them about yourself. They’re a stranger, they’re going to get a lot of assumptions wrong, so what? Conversations can’t begin without making some assumptions. It’s only a problem when they start to ignore what you say.
She was under the impression he wouldn’t take it well. Why would you know the situation better than her?
I take it you’re not a woman or afab presenting then? Go ask a woman you trust to tell you what it means when a man starts explaining her hobbies to her as if she doesn’t understand them.
Man, guys do this to everyone because they care about what they do. I’ve had guys do it to me and I love it because we can have a passionate conversation then.
Look, if after she revealed who she was he dismissed her, then yeah, he’s an ass and the conversation is a waste of time. But, I know a lot of guys who would do exactly this and then be really excited to talk to her and learn about her experiences, myself included.
No, there are guys who absolutely talk to women as if they know nothing about the topic no matter what the woman stated before hand. I’ve seen guys do that to my coworker who’s been a developer for years and if they have to tell her some sort of critique on her code, they’ll explain from like a intro comp sci point and detail everything and then finally just mention their critique at the end. All that was needed was the criticism itself, not the full history of programming. When I get a critique, it’s just “hey, try XYZ because of ABC.”
Happens at the gym too. Hell, I’ve literally been next to a woman who brings up a topic they like that the other guy likes and then they just start talking to me and I didn’t even mention I enjoy the topic.
Just because you don’t do it, don’t pretend it doesn’t happen. Women react the ways they do because of experience. Also, I highly doubt you’ve seen guys talk to someone interested in the same topic in the same way as if the other person knows nothing. It’s disrespectful regardless of gender.
I’ve seen it happen.
Edit: let’s keep in mind, this whole time you’re correcting a woman on a topic that you’ve yet to show any experience in, plus weren’t even present for and all you have is her perspective, and you still said it’s wrong.
MEN BAD MEN BAD MAN BAD MAN BAG
This doesn’t sound like a mansplain scenario to me, I think the guy was just happy to talk running (and also might not exist). So if a woman says they run I should say “well I’m sure you know everything there is to know about that. No need for further discussion.” ? Sounds fucking dull.
You can ask about experiences before launching into a 3-year training regimen, you know.
This thread is full of mountains of projection trying to explain why it’s fine and probably great that the guy in the OP did this.
But of course only one person involved in the whole post was actually there: the woman who made the tweet. Do you think that tweet is coming from someone who had to deal with a friendly-but-passionate dude explaining training techniques?
Could be, but the language of her tweet suggests annoyance.
Also your suggested response is equally obnoxious. It’s pretty simple: if she says she runs you ask more about it—“oh what kind of running do you do?”
What you definitely do not say is “you should be doing X” without asking what kind of training they already do. Seems obvious.
I mean, if the recommendations were prompted, sure. But if he just starts telling her what she should be doing without prompting, its that whole “mansplaining” thing I heard about.
Admittedly we only have her context, he could have just been passionately recounting his own routines and she may have misinterpreted it, or exaggerated for effect and humor.
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Running plans are not gendered for the most part. It’s possible some exist, but they are not common, especially amongst enthusiasts as opposed to elite athletes.