Are you able to just kind of socialize and get involved in stuff without as many second thoughts? Or make and share stuff with less of an imposter syndrome or whatever you might call it when you’re uncomfortable being associated with your work?
Or is it like so many things, where it kind of depends on how things are going that day?
I have very positive self image.
just kind of socialize and get involved in stuff without as many second thoughts
Yes, this is easy for me. It’s still tiring, but I don’t worry about it before or afterwards. I still get embarrassed if I make a faux pas, of course, but I move on and try to learn from it.
make and share stuff with less… uncomfortable being associated with your work
Not sure I understood this part. If I was uncomfortable with what I made, I wouldn’t share it. I’d try again until I had something worthwhile. Not perfect, but at least interesting.
As I understand it, “imposter syndrome” is a feeling like one is uniquely unqualified compared to everyone else. But the reality is that most people are more-or-less bullshitting their way through life, outside of a half-dozen areas of actual competency. The reality is also that it’s okay to still be learning something you’re trying to do. And the reality is also that no one remembers your mistakes better than you.
Everyone is most comfortable doing things we’re already good at. But it’s okay to not be comfortable, and to not be good at something, as long as the stakes aren’t too high (like, you should be good at driving before taking the wheel of a busfull of schoolchildren, obviously).
Oh, and remember that most people are amoral idiots with no sense of beauty and their opinions aren’t worth shit. If they don’t like your stuff, so what? They know nothing. The people worth impressing are the ones most likely to be understanding and compassionate, because they’re the ones who struggled and strove and valued learning themselves.
Not sure I understood this part. If I was uncomfortable with what I made, I wouldn’t share it. I’d try again until I had something worthwhile. Not perfect, but at least interesting.
To clarify, what I was trying to describe there was not being uncomfortable with what was made, just like…Having to be the one presenting/sharing it because of self-image/confidence issues. Sort of like you could be proud of an essay you wrote, but the moment someone asks you to read it for others or develop it into something more robust that might be published, you just want to totally disappear.
I wasn’t really sure how to put it when I wrote the post awhile ago, but maybe this helps a little.
Ah, so, you’re confident in your work, but you don’t want any attention on you personally? That I can sympathize with for sure, even though I’m a bit of an exhibitionist personally.
Basically, yeah. Not really sure how much it’s to do with self-image/confidence or what (maybe it’s plain ol’ social anxiety? 🤷♀️ ), hence that side of the question.
Imposter syndrome felt like the closest fit at the time, but it’s definitely not an exact match.
I have a positive self-image but I’d never join an extracurricular club alone for example. Socialization with strangers requires a whole lot of guts and some sort of plan in my opinion.
The positive self-image mostly helps in that it allows me to have confidence in the things I really should have confidence in. (Ex: making a genuine mistake is okay, having an embarrassing moment is okay, getting rejected for something is okay). At its core, it’s recognizing that you deserve to be loved by yourself.
One of the important things is to not beat yourself up over little things. Everybody makes countless small mistakes when socializing, but it’s only toxic to dwell on them. Often, if you just continue the conversation, the other person may not have even noticed the mistake.
I’ve been going to a psychologist fairly regularly (fortnightly or monthly) for over 2 years, and I do generally have a positive self image, now.
I didn’t start going just to gain better self image, but it came naturally the longer I spent articulating the problems I have and the goals I want to achieve.
When you answer questions about yourself, your thoughts, your ideas and values (specifically when you SAY them aloud to another person), it tends to expose your internal biases; against others, as well, but particularly yourself.
Negative thoughts said aloud, repeated, begin to sound like hyperbole. It’s easier to catch yourself being unfair, mean, critical or thinking with no nuance about yourself, when you have to articulate it.
Even writing my thoughts down worked better than just thinking them. Feelings were no longer vague and undermining, they were nameable and confrontable. Having someone verbally intervene in unfair self judgements- and to highlight and celebrate my personal wins- is infinitely rewarding.
I feel good about myself, overall. I see my good, bad and neutral traits, and the bad is easier to tackle or accept when I know good and bad don’t cancel each other out. Many things can be true at once, and it serves me nothing to fail to see my wins.
Almost no one I know is fully evil, bad, useless or selfish, they always have at least one thing that’s worth celebrating.
I decided that, now that I can see my good, I’m allowed celebrate, enjoy and share it, because the bad doesn’t grow without my permission anymore, and they’re not in competition; it’s just all me. Complex, like everyone.
Depends. I did manage to build a positive self-image, but I’m still an introvert. Occasionally I jump right into things or manage social situations smoothly, sometimes I hesitate and sometimes it’s awkward. I don’t suffer from imposter syndrome anymore though, in fact I tend to do things I literally don’t know how to do and learn while doing them, and that feels great.
I’m pretty much also in the boat so thanks for writing out a lot of what I was already thinking, lol.
I absolutely do have some imposter syndrome but what I’ve chosen to do about it is be completely open with others about having it (I don’t advise this if you’re a doctor or something like that, I’m in a creative-and-thereby-totally-subjective field). I found that being open about it or anxieties has in turn made others more open in turn, and it’s made the nagging voice in the back of my head a lot quieter.
My best advice for you OP is to learn to really, truly forgive yourself. For little blunders or whatever else, learning to not beat myself up over mistakes or embarrassment was life-changing in terms of being able to curate a sunnier attitude toward my own self.
I might be misinterpreting your post but it sounds like you’re talking a little bit more about confidence. The key to having confidence and fighting away imposter syndrome is to find and focus on the positives, how you got to the spot you’re in and all of the times you’ve had to succeed. Forget about the failures and spend time every day reflecting on your accomplishments.
It’s that simple. You don’t even need to believe the stuff you tell yourself, but if you keep repeating it to yourself, you will start the believe it. Confidence requires active effort to build, independent of how good at something someone is. I struggled with my confidence and occasionally still do but had a friend recommend a good book that legitimately changed how I view myself. I can’t remember the name of it off the top of my head but if you want I will look it up and edit my comment.
