- cross-posted to:
- nonpolitical_memes
- cross-posted to:
- nonpolitical_memes
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I know this is a joke, but it actually works. Even if the motivator is not healthy but rather to be “presentable” to outsiders.
I used to cycle 40km a day to get to work, do solid work hours with no distractions, get praised by my boss for my efforts, come home and spend quality time with my ex, and we’d clean the whole damn apartment every Saturday morning, basking in the afterglow of the shining surfaces for the rest of the weekend where we’d go for nice hikes or watch movies.
I work from home now, where I work longer hours because I’m watching cartoons at the same time which splits my focus, developing health problems because of my lack of exercise, and my lonely apartment is in dire need of TLC because of this one simple fact about myself:
I need structure, and an audience. I crave it. I will happily clean, but never for myself. Those people who join cults for a sense of purpose and belonging? I’m their #1 customer.
Thanks 🤷♂️
Not sure why your mobile app sucks, but here you go
Done this before and I’m in the process of doing it right now.
Moved in three months ago and I’m about 95% unpacked. A family member is visiting in six days and I need to complete unpacking and do a good cleaning.
I’ve come up with the most cursed business idea in history.
I envision founding what is effectively a suspiciously cheap home-cleaning service. Like a cleaning service, we’ll require access to your home. We’ll need a key or door code. However, we don’t actually ever send anyone to clean your house.
Instead, we let you do the cleaning. We don’t DO the cleaning. We INSPECT your cleaning. When signing up for our service, you’re signing up to have a cleaning inspector show up to your house at any random time between 8 AM and 5 PM. It will be completely at random. It could be months between the random inspections, or you could get inspected 3 days in a row.
The inspector will be a form of your choosing. You can sign up for an angry boot camp drill-instructor type. You can sign up for someone who will more have the vibe of a grossed-out boyfriend/girlfriend. Or they can send a team of older inspectors that will make it feel like you’re being berated by your parents. The choice of shame is up to you!
The inspectors will go through your home, call you a slob, and belittle your cleaning ability. We won’t make it too ridiculous. By default, they would just expect you to keep things clean and neat, not lab-grade sterile. But if your laundry pile grows, you need to dust, or the bathrooms are a mess? Well you’re going to hear about it! If you are present, they will shame you in person. Regardless if you are there or not, you will be sent a report documenting in disgusting detail all the messes and cleaning errors in your house. The report will be filled with professional-grade photos of your filth. And to provide further damning motivation? The report will be posted on the public internet for anyone to view for free.
Note: customers who are clearly using this as a sex thing will be dropped from the service.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A SEX THING
I was following along until the humiliation part.
That’s the part about pressure cleaning - it’s all about the humiliation we expect to occur, not that actually does occur.
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS “NOT” A SEX THING 😏
Shame cleaning is the only reason my apartment doesn’t look like a scene out of Hoarders
Even then, it only ever goes into “acceptable” levels of tidyness
Obligatory “sorry I didn’t have time to clean” when the guests arrive, after you cleaned for 2 hours.
There’s even a word for that called scurryfunging.
scurryfunging
Immediately thought it was German. Damn.
Wow, TIL, thanks!
Damn yo. I do tend to scurryfunge a lot.
Last minute panic is a legitimate strategy
Which leads to burn-out in the long run.
Ok I didn’t say it was the best strategy, but sometimes you work with what ya got…
Works every time
Just have to clean up just enough to look like you didn’t just clean.
Don’t look in the closet!!
Ooor just get yourself a service sub.
I used to live in a corporate apartment that had cleaning service once per week. Ended up shame cleaning every week. It left me traumatised for life.
I save my podcasts for cleaning. If I don’t have a podcast to listen to I am not cleaning.
