Aunt: I’m going to Walmart, do you need anything?

Me: no thanks, I’m going there later to do some shopping myself

Aunt: But we could combine trips! It’s wasteful to both drive there on the same day! The responsible thing to do—

Me: ok, I give up. Please get me cat litter and cat snacks.

Aunt: Ok!!! :)) Which ones? And what isle? What color is the package—

Me: exasperated Are you serious? I caved and gave you what you wanted. Now you’re asking for more information? I told you I wanted to do my own shopping, and you fought me on it. I’m making a peace offering by giving you two items to buy for me, and you’re saying I need to go find the names and package colors and isle numbers? Please just be satisfied with what I gave you.

The thing that she wants is to feel good about buying me something. But I don’t want that. That’s the disagreement.

I imagine most people would see me as the asshole here: she can’t buy the right item if I don’t tell her what it is. But I clearly don’t care about those details; if I wanted something specific I would have told her that. The only reason I mentioned them was to appease her. I’m giving her something she wanted, something I wanted for myself, and she’s demanding more.

  • RandomStickman@fedia.io
    24·
    3 days ago

    I imagine most people would see me as the asshole here

    From posting that and fighting against everyone who disagreed with you here it seems like you already knew you messed up and are just posting here seeking for validation.

    As much as you and I hate it social interaction isn’t purely logical or transectional. It’s not like a videogame where if you do this then the other character should do that. It’s messy and there are many unspoken rules and it can change from person to person. If you truly want to learn how to be more so sociable and truly reflect if you’d been an asshole then, take some advice from the comments. Learn to say no more gently, learn to see and anticipate what others need, etc.

    • stinky@redlemmy.comOPEnglish
      119·
      3 days ago

      it seems like you already knew you messed up

      I’m sorry but this is wrong, despite what it seemed like. I’m trying to get some outside perspective; that doesn’t mean I’m obligated to accept hurtful speculation about my relationship. If someone offers me a glass of beer with piss in it, I’m not required to extend gratitude. If you sense me “fighting against everyone who disagreed with me” then you can keep your beer. Scroll down friend, I’ve gotten what I needed from people with better emotional regulation than you. Some of the folks that I disagreed with in this post have offered insight for which I’ve responded appropriately. This isn’t about you, stop being a dick.