He’s broke

It would probably make better viewing to write a mockumentary about Wilson pitching ideas that then happen IRL the same day. Like Curb Your Enthusiasm but about satire writers. Is satire of satire already a genre? It should be!

CHICAGO – In a tearful press conference held outside their headquarters, the editors of The Onion announced today that they will be ceasing operations indefinitely, citing the increasing impossibility of maintaining their satirical edge in a world that seems determined to outpace their imaginations.

“We tried our best,” said Editor-in-Chief Chad Nackers, clutching a coffee mug emblazoned with the phrase “Satire Is Dead.” “But at this point, every time we think of a headline like, ‘Congress Votes To Replace Minimum Wage With ‘Employee Of The Month’ Stickers,’ it’s on CNN three hours later.”

The Onion, a stalwart of satirical journalism for over three decades, has long prided itself on crafting absurd yet poignant headlines that parody the state of the world. However, in recent years, their attempts at humor have been thwarted by reality’s relentless pursuit of self-parody.

“We were working on a piece titled, ‘Local Man Launches GoFundMe For Pet Goldfish’s Gender Reveal Party,’ and before we could even finish the article, there it was on TikTok,” lamented Senior Writer Mariah Benson. “How do you satirize something like that? It’s like we’re in some cosmic arms race, and reality has nukes.”

Note: this is satire, the onion is not shutting down