Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like an awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
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Have you read any cognitive behaviour therapy workbooks? It can give you perspective and some mental tools to help you kick yourself out of the self doubt and self loathing that years of abuse have engrained into you. Love yourself my german brother love yourself as a giant fuck you to those who say you are worthless.
Thanks a lot man! I look into that
I have been depressed in the past and it took me 10 years of spiraling downward till i hit rock bottom somehow I bounced back up and started practicing better personal care(self love) by excercising more and going out and engaging in conversation with strangers (without putting any expectations of somthing more on them or myself). Eventually self care became easier and I stopped looking for the “why i am” of it all and focused i on the “how i can”. Im not perfect and depression is still there in the background but I don’t have to give those feelings all my time.
I hope it doesn’t take you 10 years. It could take longer. Life isn’t easy. It’s even harder when you don’t love yourself, and loving yourself is hard to learn from parents who don’t love themselves. Break the cycle your progenitors are trapped in. Save yourself.
I can also vouch for cognitive behavioural therapy!
Side note: If I recall correctly I think I was introduced to it from one of eggplant.show’s episodes (game dev podcast)
Now that I’m older I’m so so glad I decided to try it out because after a bad breakup in 2013 I almost ended myself. Besides saving my life it’s helped me focus on making better relationships and overall enjoying life much more🌻
Are you seeing a doctor about your depression? Therapy and medication could be a great “jump start” to getting on track.
Roommates can make or break a living situation. If you have a good friend that has complimentary strengths, they can help out with the tasks that you have trouble with, but be sure to really step up and help out in the areas that are a challenge for them.
Good luck and best wishes!
I’ve done therapy before but it didn’t really help anything since we were just circling around the same things. Currently I have a psychiatrist visiting me about once a month but she also can’t really do anything. We tried medication but that was also unsuccessful.
I wish I had a friend or someone who’s not toxic that I can live with but I don’t have one
Therapy will be useless until you’re out of such a toxic environment. You need safety and security none of which are possible in such an environment. Therapy in a toxic environment is essentially palliative care until someone kills themself or someone else, they are just not sustainable or workable situations
It isnt really possible to be safe or have a safe space in such a place, but safety is a huge need and drive that must be satisfied
Others have suggested professional counseling. Thats the right answer. Do that.
I can tell you even without the emotional baggage you’re carrying, getting started on your own in life is hard and confusing. There’s no book that tells you everything you need to do (and when) and what NOT to do that will cost you time and money you don’t have at that stage of life.
If you are under the impression that others launch successfully into independence without issue, let me remove that idea. All of us, even with massive support from our families had difficulty. You’ve got some extra difficulties on top of what others have. Don’t despair when its not going right. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
You need to get away from them whatever it takes. Can you join the army or do an apprenticeship somewhere? Terrible situation and there’s not gonna be an easy way out but the one thing you cannot do is stat with your parents. Ironically, I have a great Dad and I cannot live with him, it only worsened my depression and felt suffocating until I moved out and lived among 5 random people a distance away
Does Germany have a safety net or welfare program you can use to help get support and find a job/housing etc?
I’d say get some support by friends or relatives so you’re not completely on your own. Then get out there and maybe get professional help if you like.
What’s your life situation like? Do you study? Do an apprenticeship (Ausbildung)? Can you afford to pay rent? Or can you get “BAföG” or “Unterhalt” from your parents? Do you have any friends or people who you can rely on?
Other option: Call a help line, they’ll have some advice on who to ask for direct help:
Find something that gives you a sense of worth. Something that makes you feel part of something larger.
You will find your independence along the way
Loads to do, but you have to it. I cannot do shit.
Get a job for income, move into a shared flat, exercise, do therapy.
