It’s been pretty much exactly 20 years since a psychologist first suspected I have adhd. I finally got a Ritalin. The mixture of grief and elation I’m feeling is indescribable. I was robbed of so, so much in my teens and early-mid twenties, but I can finally begin to live my life.
Story if you want it: my mum took me to a child psychologist when I was 7 to get an opinion of whether it’d be a good idea that a skip a grade. I only know this because I overheard her telling it to friends as a funny story, and going like hahaha as if MY child is disabled/r-slur (where I live, people use disabled as a derogative, both for the disabled and as a generic one. Similar to how some people say gay as an insult. So, idk an accurate translation, it’s inbetween). This was when I was maybe 12? I googled (at school, didn’t have my own PC) and more or less concluded I have adhd, and that it wouldn’t be safe or worthwhile to bring it up with mum.
As soon as I moved out (at about 19), I went to my GP about troubles focusing that I’d had my entire life. I think that’s how I put it. She referred me to a neurologist and did bloodwork, but I never went, because the GP office gave the diagnostics and referral to my mum when she went to the office (it was her doc too; I’ve switched since). Mum gave me shit. My health insurance ran through her because I was a full time student, so, while it wasn’t legal to show her my diagnoses, she would’ve seen what doctors billed my appointment through her insurance.
I struggled a bunch both with physical health and depression in my early twenties. So an adhd diagnosis wasn’t the first of my worried. I did go to a psychologist who did a mini adhd test and concluded I had it. I must’ve been like 23? So I took her diagnosis to my psychiatrist who was treating my depression. Psychiatrist basically said that that’s ridiculous, because I’ve graduated high school and even have a bachelors in a difficult area. I went back to the psychologist to get a recommendation for a new psychiatrist. Took about 3 years to get an appointment (not really their fault; they’re suuuper booked out and kept telling me to call back in two weeks, and I kept forgetting because, well, adhd. I kinda just tried again every few months when i remembered.)
New psych is great. But I couldn’t immediately get meds because they’re a little hard on the heart, and so is my autoimmune disease. Had to get some ultrasounds, ECG, bloodwork. Would’ve taken probably a week or two as doctors usually aren’t as booked out here (unless they’re the only non private psych who treats adult adhd) but i suck at making appointments, so that was another few months.
I finally got the ok from all of them, and I got my prescription. I cried. At first from relief and joy. And then I actually tried them. And I cried again. This could’ve been how I felt my entire life? So much hardship and pain that could’ve been avoided. So much disappointment and ‘but you’re so smart!’. I mightn’t even be depressed if I hadn’t suffered this much every single day of my entire life.
If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading all that! What’s your adhd story?
This is SO insane. I wonder in my case how something could have been done sooner. The suffering has been going on undiagnosed and untreated for at least 35 years.
One thing that would have helped is if either a teacher or my parent who is a teacher would have been like: Ok, maybe 5 % chance of attention disorder, check it out please.
Sometimes, I suspect that a teacher got it and reported it to my parents, who angrily rejected it. There was a weird conflict between them and a teacher that made no sense, because I got along with that teacher, and what little I got was him “talking shit”, yet he was the most thoughtful and scientific of them.
Another option: Just do a “full checkup” on people starting early in life, even for things where no indication has been reported. The vicious cycle of doctor visits: Patient comes, reports symptom -> questions -> tests -> whatever going on in their minds -> diagnosis. It doesn’t work, at all. I feel like overall, a lot of money would be saved in the global economy (nobody cares for saved suffering anyway) if the procedure for things were: Doctor attempts treatment if it seems simple just once, if it fails, go full Doctor House. Might overall save money. All the negative findings from this would be a goldmine of information, and saved money, for 1 or 2 decades of doctor visits.
For ADHD, why doesn’t everybody do a multiple choice test, not wasting any trained professional’s time if it is clearly very negative? Further steps only if it is not very clearly negative.
And at some point, after decades of this, they pick up on what it caused, rather than the ADHD itself. The result of other people and yourself telling you that you are just an assclown who can’t handle your own household, appointments, education, job.
In hindsight, the earliest that I presented something to a doctor that should have lead to ADHD, if investigated with full force, were gut / digestion problems in the 90s. 2000s, I came to a doctor for a sick note as things at a crappy workplace got “too much”, got benzos, which helped through the worst. I often used the “too much” phrase over the next 2 decades, usually met with benzos or “can’t really do anything with that phrase”.
They study so long, shouldn’t there be question techniques that get to the bottom of things? Even with a psychiatrist, when I said really clearly what was going on from my perspective, they were like: Wow, that doesn’t help at all, can’t do anything with that information. The way things are, you have to self-diagnose, then find out how to nudge them in the right direction by saying the right things.
That last thing you said is SO spot on. If you don’t already pretty much know that you have adhd (or other types of neurodivergence that you can somewhat mask), there’s no way anyone else will ever consider it. Doctors and teachers aren’t usually trained for it, and even if they are, parents are likely to reject the possibility because of the stigma. Plus, adult adhd hasn’t been recognized for all that long, so plenty of doctors that don’t keep up with science after they graduate just insist that it’s not a thing.
You basically have to specifically know that you have adhd and that you want treatment, and then you can start to look for professionals who specifically diagnose treat adult adhd. They’re few and far between pretty much everywhere. If you’re in a place where you need a referral, good luck also convincing your GP (I never told mine I needed the referral for adhd, I let him assume it’s depression again. Though my psych said I don’t HAVE to have a referral, it’ll just be easier for them, insurance-paperwork wise).
I’m in this boat now. After years of the wrong diagnoses, I’m finally figuring out it’s been ADHD this whole time. But I keep running into issues getting a proper diagnosis and treatment. The last guy decided it was depression after one meeting with zero tests and it’s just so frustrating. If he actually knew anything, he’d know it’s more complicated than that. He also didn’t listen at all.
Only way that worked for me was specifically seeking out psychs who specifically treat adult adhd. You unfortunately have to rely on either word of mouth or rating websites for doctors, and neither are reliably available.
I even had a referral from my GP to get checked for ADHD, after asking him specifically, but still no appointments. I would have taken one in a year, but not even that.
Another 15 months later, I found a private practice that specialises in it. They are running it pretty smart, like a business: Psychology graduates without therapist training do the time intensive work of testing and talking, eventually write an expert assessment as a psychologist. Then a licensed therapist writes the official diagnosis after reading that and talking for 15 minutes. If needed, a psychiatrist finally just signs the prescription.
Bit frustrating to pay for all of that out of pocket, while insurance premiums are over EUR 900 per month.
It’s going a lot better so far for my elementary school child. Called the best looking clinic, which has psychiatrists and therapists, and got an appointment in 3 months. Didn’t bother trying for something sooner, as 3 months wasted seem like nothing compared to my over 30 years, lol.