This might sound harsh but honestly atleast my life is really underwhelming, no matter what I try.
I have a wife, 2 dogs, an own house but a decently large debt for the house so I actually dont own it yet and a job I love (nightshift nurse)
It feels like I fckd everything up.
10 years ago my wife and I were in South East Asia, traveling,… now? I have to take care of the house, pay my credit, work
Its not the same going to Thailand only 2 weeks a year. I know many ppl cant afford it but I need that escape.
While my life isnt actually bad it just is bland though. I dont do anything other than play Video games, take care of house and dogs, watch movies, cook stuff…
But where is the excitement?
I quit going to gym, I think I should do that but I catch myself esther staring at the wall than searching for a nearby gym.
As a night nurse I have so much time in the day I would like to barista at a cafe but Im too scared to start that.
I would like to play Board games but my friends rather drink alcohol in Clubs and the next DND or Boardgame groups are 40 minutes by car.
See hpw confused I am I cant even structure this post properly.
I know money isn everything but Id travel the world, give my house away to rent, buy a new smaller house in a few years, do more sport, … somehow it feels life is behind a huge paywall and I have enough to have a decent life.
If I go to Thailand next year I have thoughts in my head like: “This money could be used to pay credit debt instead, or yard stuff, kitchen supply,…” With money I could enjoy it more
I can also confirm, after having a job with an international organization where I moved to a new country every year or two for more than a decade, that this also becomes routine. The novelty associated with exploring loses its luster and it grows exhausting to have to make new friends, find new trusted services, and adapt to a new biome for yourself and your partner.
Additionally, if you just move to another country, you might like it more there for various reasons (I’ve lived in Thailand also, and it’s a pretty nice country), but eventually it just becomes the place you live and work and take care of your house and dogs. And there are drawbacks of living anywhere.
So I agree. I think OP is facing is an existential meaninglessness that will catch up to them no matter how far they run or how much of their life they burn down. Things like mindfulness, community, creative expression, humor, compassion, service, gratitude, hobbies, rituals, family, journaling, traditions and therapy might be able to help.