Well, here goes.

Fuck this bullshit. This is goddamn bullshit. Calling this life is a fucking joke. If God exists he’s an asshole.

You know what, fuck all you assholes. It’s not my fault life shit on me, and I’m not going to let anyone make me believe this is my fault. I’m going to fix this broke shit despite everything because fuck you haters and shitheads who act like there wasn’t massive amounts of luck involved in your success.

Fuck you I’m going to kick this shit life around until it gets better or I die.

Ahem. Remember, fuck everyone else, you do your best with what you got.

Okay, here’s the thing about death. Everything about death is expressed in the negative.

There’s no boredom
There’s no excitement
There’s no joy
There’s no pain
There’s no frustration
There’s no elation
There’s no disappointment
There’s no surprise
There’s no bewilderment
There’s no love
There’s no conflict
There’s no violence
There’s no resolution
There’s no reconciliation
There’s no forgiveness
There’s no vengeance\

There’s no you. Your story ends.

As it is right now the world sucks. There’s a lot of misery and a lot of people are choosing to check out (Around 40K per year in the US succeed. We guess about 120K more try and end up in the ER.)

If you cash in, everyone you know is going to be shaken. They’ll all have to deal with the sneaking suspicion they are personally at fault for you choosing to quit. A suicide note won’t help. It’s not a rational belief. Even little kids will wonder if they did something (or failed to do something) to change your fate.

Anyone who depends on you, even if just for emotional support will go into crisis. Unless you’re a hermit in the Yukon, this is more people than you think.

Family may try to deny it. They will make up stories about how you were coerced or secretly murdered or drugged to diminished capacity. If they cannot deny it, they’ll be ashamed and try to cover up your suicide, suggesting maybe you perished by accident.

Police will resent the job of telling professionals who engage you (doctors, therapists, teachers, etc.)

Alt-righters will revel in your expiration.

Elected officials will feign concern. The ones attached to your district will wish you moved first. White Christian Nationalist officials and Freedom Caucas officials will presume you’re one of the degenerates who are on their target list, and your action affirms you knew they were right.

Most Christians will assert you are damned to Hell.

Mostly it’s a shit show, and a bunch of statistical counters will increment by one.

Consider crisis counseling, maybe. If you’re in a developed country, your county probably has a hotline or chat.

When you die, there’s no you anymore. Your conscious existence ends when you do. Your experience of life is fully rooted in the materials; without the brain and stew of neurochemicals, there is not -you-. So it’s not rest, or stress-free, or fun, because you’ve ceased to exist; you can’t experience anything because you aren’t anywhere anymore.

Congrats on seeing a doctor, just remember not to get disappointed if your first doctor doesn’t meet your needs. It took me a while to find a good physician to help me. But it’s amazing you are taking the effort to help yourself!

Kind of. I’ve never been afraid of being dead. It’s the dying that gives me worry. If I knew that I would be physically fine and then just dead all of a sudden I would never think about it honestly.

The Greek philosopher Epicurus said it best:

“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.”

There is nothing when you’re dead. No laughter, no fun, no hope. When you die that’s it. Life has all the possibilities and can get better. If these thoughts of death are in your head seek help, either though a therapist or a psychiatrist. Professional mental help is out there. Mine is PTSD and I go to a therapist that specializes in it. Find one that works for you.

I genuinely hope that you have access to a capable therapist and a strong natural support system to open up to about this.

I have killed the stress long time ago but depression still lives everyday.

Grateful for your edit (on seeing a doctor). Feel free to keep us updated on how your sessions go, or to just post here whenever you want to talk. We are all in this cruel yet mysterious world together, getting through it day by day. Please keep letting yourself be surprised by tomorrow.

Death sounds boring as fuck. Just nothingness forever.

The only thing a person can truly say he has is his own existence, don’t give it up.

These two thoughts have kept me from killing myself in the last decade or so.

Hope you can get past whatever issues you’re facing so you don’t have to think these thoughts anymore.

I mean everything will just go dark, so all the stress is gone, but it won’t be good and fun either