As someone in a long term lifestyle dynamic, those kinds tend to burn dominants out. As you say self discipline comes from the self and many dominant women especially are tired of being mom-zoned. Hell I’ve had Dommes tell me and my Mistress that they’re envious of her because they can’t find a sub that has their shit together emotionally. In fact in my community I’ve found two categories of people who successfully form long term relationships with dominant women: switches/dominants in egalitarian/switchy roles and subs who have our shit together (I’m awkwardly both as I recently realized I’m a switch).

But yeah if someone is looking for a Domme to make them drink their water or validate their feelings, I’m not going to say that that person isn’t out there, what I’ll say is you’ve got stiff competition. Figure out what you can provide for Dommes and what you want from them and treat them like people. Most Dommes I’ve met want someone who is desirable by non dominant standards and happens to be submissive.