I think you’re misunderstanding what feminists mean when they say, “all men can be rapists”. It’s alright, I used to be in your shoes too, sometimes people are just bad at explaining themselves, so lemme try and explain my understanding of the statement.
They’re not saying that men are rapists, what they’re trying to say is that men have been trained to pursue relationships in a way that can be coercive and can lead to rape without the man realizing he’s doing anything wrong (I’ll go into how a man could “”“accidentally”“” rape someone near the end).
A good example of this is “Baby, it’s cold outside”. The song is about a man trying to convince a women to stay the night with him. The song takes the form of the woman finding reasons to leave, while the man finds reasons for her to stay. This was because, at the time, it was considered improper for a single lady to stay the night with a gentleman who’s also single; they might get up to something, the horror!
Now, the song portrays this coersion as being possibly consensual; that, in the context of the song, the woman might want to stay, but feels compelled to go through the list of reasons she should leave so it isn’t “improper”. However, if you’re engaging in roleplay like that, you need to set clear boundaries before you do, otherwise you risk someone getting hurt. Furthermore, standards have changed. It’s no longer improper (in most places) for a woman to spend the night at a man’s house, nor is it acceptable to try and convince a woman (or anyone for that matter) to sleep with you if they’ve said “no”. Again, it is coercive, and you cannot derive consent from coersion unless it was clearly defined beforehand as part of role-play (consent can also be revoked, if someone tells you “stop”, you stop).
Despite that, cultural momentum means that many young men are still taught that if a woman says “no”, that just means you need to give her a better excuse to say “yes” (“she’s just playing ‘hard-to-get’”).
You might be able to see how this is a bad thing, yes?
That is what I believe they’re referring to. It’s not that they think every man is a rapist just waiting to strike, it’s that most men have been trained to “just try harder” if their lady friend says “no”.
There is nothing like right or wrong, everyone live their life in different ways, different stokes for different folks, I just want to know the opinion of the people here in Lemmy. If someone want to hang out with a radfem it’s none of my business.
Feminists dont say things like “all men are potential rapists”, save for those who also say “all women are potential rapists.”.
An actual (traditional) feminist would say something like “society encourages rapy behavior from men”, which is functionally the same but rhetorically a far different animal. Women and men who say that men are categoryly dangerous are also implicitly telling boys that they are bad just because they are boys.
Sexist statements about how women are good and men are bad isnt feminism, it’s just sexism in disguise.
I’m not a feminist (in the context of this discussion) and even I would say men are far more inclined biologically and culturally to engage in rapey behaviour. To the extent that rapey behaviour goes against our other human values (that men also hold and fight to protect) then that IS something you could say is “bad” about maleness. Same as aggression. It’s self evident the males of species are more inclined to physical violence. But such inclinations are overcome by good parenting and good society. But they very much exist. Look at pretty much every other mammal species to see how biology operates.
Yes and what exactly is a radical feminist to you
The ones who say all men are potential rapists. Would you date one of that kind?
I think you’re misunderstanding what feminists mean when they say, “all men can be rapists”. It’s alright, I used to be in your shoes too, sometimes people are just bad at explaining themselves, so lemme try and explain my understanding of the statement.
They’re not saying that men are rapists, what they’re trying to say is that men have been trained to pursue relationships in a way that can be coercive and can lead to rape without the man realizing he’s doing anything wrong (I’ll go into how a man could “”“accidentally”“” rape someone near the end).
A good example of this is “Baby, it’s cold outside”. The song is about a man trying to convince a women to stay the night with him. The song takes the form of the woman finding reasons to leave, while the man finds reasons for her to stay. This was because, at the time, it was considered improper for a single lady to stay the night with a gentleman who’s also single; they might get up to something, the horror!
Now, the song portrays this coersion as being possibly consensual; that, in the context of the song, the woman might want to stay, but feels compelled to go through the list of reasons she should leave so it isn’t “improper”. However, if you’re engaging in roleplay like that, you need to set clear boundaries before you do, otherwise you risk someone getting hurt. Furthermore, standards have changed. It’s no longer improper (in most places) for a woman to spend the night at a man’s house, nor is it acceptable to try and convince a woman (or anyone for that matter) to sleep with you if they’ve said “no”. Again, it is coercive, and you cannot derive consent from coersion unless it was clearly defined beforehand as part of role-play (consent can also be revoked, if someone tells you “stop”, you stop).
Despite that, cultural momentum means that many young men are still taught that if a woman says “no”, that just means you need to give her a better excuse to say “yes” (“she’s just playing ‘hard-to-get’”).
You might be able to see how this is a bad thing, yes?
That is what I believe they’re referring to. It’s not that they think every man is a rapist just waiting to strike, it’s that most men have been trained to “just try harder” if their lady friend says “no”.
Edit: if I’m wrong, feel free to correct me.
There is nothing like right or wrong, everyone live their life in different ways, different stokes for different folks, I just want to know the opinion of the people here in Lemmy. If someone want to hang out with a radfem it’s none of my business.
Feminists dont say things like “all men are potential rapists”, save for those who also say “all women are potential rapists.”.
An actual (traditional) feminist would say something like “society encourages rapy behavior from men”, which is functionally the same but rhetorically a far different animal. Women and men who say that men are categoryly dangerous are also implicitly telling boys that they are bad just because they are boys.
Sexist statements about how women are good and men are bad isnt feminism, it’s just sexism in disguise.
I’m not a feminist (in the context of this discussion) and even I would say men are far more inclined biologically and culturally to engage in rapey behaviour. To the extent that rapey behaviour goes against our other human values (that men also hold and fight to protect) then that IS something you could say is “bad” about maleness. Same as aggression. It’s self evident the males of species are more inclined to physical violence. But such inclinations are overcome by good parenting and good society. But they very much exist. Look at pretty much every other mammal species to see how biology operates.