tl;dr partner of 3 years broke my rule and ate meat in the house while i was gone. wondering about the future of our relationship

for context, we had a discussion and set a rule that no pork or beef would enter the house because it makes my kitchen feel disguisting and unclean, as well as bums me out obv. not to discriminate against other types of meat but something about the smell of the two mentioned + the high fat causing it to stick everywhere is a hard, hard no. anyways, a few weeks ago i went on a trip and my partner decided to bring home and cook bacon while i was gone. my kitchen stunk for over a week and i was miserable. i made this known and thought we were good. i just got back from another trip and saw ha bought salami. i think he tries to be sneaky about it but now my nice, expensive wooden cutting board just feels contaminated because i dont know what happened when i was gone. im not just bad he broke a rule we talked about and he agreed to, but just disappointed he so desperately feels the need to eat a dead pig that he’d knowingly break a rule in our relationship, opting to sneak around me rather than grow a spine and talk about it. we’ve been fighting about meat for years, including him ordering it in front of me at restaurants (which totally ruins a date for me) esp when theres an easy vegan switch. whether or not he follows the rule anymore is starting to seem like a mute point because it just bothers me so much how little he cares after being with a vegan for 3 years. i wasnt a hardcore vegan when we got together so its just bothered me more over time and its starting to build resentment. anyone been in a similar situation or has any advice? are we doomed?

  • A7thStone@lemmy.worldEnglish
    9·
    2 months ago

    I’m not vegan, and normally wouldn’t even comment in these threads. That being said it sounds to me like they don’t respect the boundaries that were previously agreed on. That is definitely something you need to have a serious discussion about.

  • Droggelbecher@lemmy.worldEnglish
    112·
    2 months ago

    This is a twofold problem. One part is that your ethical beliefs aren’t compatible, one is his disregard for your needs.

    Whether you can live with the first one, only you can tell. It’s valid to want to date someone who holds the same beliefs as you, and it’s valid to be ok with some ethical differences. The latter of course comes with some logistical difficulties that can be a lot to handle, maybe even too much.

    The second isn’t something that’s healthy for you or the relationship. You’ll have to talk about that. If he can’t respect your needs, that’s a pretty fundamental incompatibility.

  • TheTechnician27@lemmy.worldMEnglish
    61·
    2 months ago

    Honestly sounds to me like a complete incompatibility in terms of ethics and lifestyle as others have said, and I think you’re in the right here for standing your ground. For those stumbling across this post from the wider Lemmy community, this would be like a person with typical Western sensibilities where dogs and cats are seen as sweet, innocent companions coming home to find that their partner who’s agreed not to do this has been cooking up dog in their kitchen. It not only represents a breach of trust and is hugely disrespectful to their feelings, it’s also something that would make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Like imagine thinking every time you’re away that your partner of multiple years might be dissecting and eating a cat corpse in your kitchen.

    As partners of three years and seemingly cohabitating, I think a discussion is warranted first, but I wouldn’t compromise for them; if they value cuts of pig corpse more than their relationship with you, that’s their fault, not yours. I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this.

  • riodoro1@lemmy.worldEnglish
    95·
    2 months ago

    If he’s doing ot after three years it’s plain disrespectful.

    Im a guy and I hear that a lot that vegan/vegetarian girls often have to deal with this. Eating meat is perceived as a masculinity trait and it may feel to a man that a woman prohibiting him from eating meat takes away from his manliness. This sort of view is extremely backwards and in stark contrast to veganism/vegetarianism. I find it bewildering that people still force themselves to be in relationships with such incompatible partners but the world is not black and white and I recognize there’s not that many vegan/vegetarian guys.

    But come the fuck on. Three years and he still tries to sneak a fucking sausage? It’s childish at best and malicious at worst. What do you think he tells his male friends about your veganism when you’re not around?