RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to urbanism@hexbear.netEnglish · 16 hours agoYeshexbear.netimagemessage-square25fedilinkarrow-up1193arrow-down10
arrow-up1193arrow-down1imageYeshexbear.netRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to urbanism@hexbear.netEnglish · 16 hours agomessage-square25fedilink
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up37·14 hours agoActive voice first. “A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
minus-squareRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.netOPlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up20arrow-down1·14 hours agoI like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up22·14 hours agoFair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.
Active voice first.
“A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
I like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.