A very good friend of mine had her second psychotic episode this summer. She has started medication last week.

The first one was last summer. We initially went to a psychologist. He is part of a team that are against medications but in contact with psychiatrists. This team has a political background as well so money was not an issue. So we were 2 friends beside her with 24h hour “shifts”. For about 2 months I was every other day with her. The psychologist’s approach was not suitable for her case. He suggested for 2 trained people to go to her house on a daily basis so we (her friends) could take a breath, and for her to start going to group meetings. She thought that even us (her friends) were spies so having new people in her house was impossible, and going to a group meeting was also impossible because of all of these new people, but also because she wouldn’t get out of her house easily. And when she did, well that’s another story.

At that point and since their approach could not work, I would have expected him to suggest the psychiatrist. This never happened. Also, my friend, she didn’t want to go back to any sessions with him anymore (and I don’t blame her for that cause I was also present in these meetings). Still, she was positive to go to a psychiatrist. We found one that was suggested by another friend of ours. The anti-psychotic medication started working within a day or so, and all three of us could start to unwind a bit.

She continued the medication for a few months, but did not want to even consider going to do psychotherapy. By christmas, she was feeling so much better that she started smoking weed again, drinking alcohol among other substances I suppose. I am not sure because at the time we were not seeing each other much. It’s like we chose 2 opposite paths. She chose to go back to all the habits that gave her comfort since her teen years, which was two decades ago. I chose reevaluate everything so I won’t feel that lost again, and started psychotherapy for the second time in my life. We started seeing each other less and less.

Now that you have an overview of the situation maybe I could say a couple of things about my case. It’s relevant because I would like some input. It was not my first time to be the carer of someone. Sometimes I feel that most of my adult life I’ve been taking care of other people. I was the main carer for 3 other persons. I say “main” because everybody else, even if they showed up at first, they all at some point left. So it was for several times with this friend who is bipolar (during and after his episodes). I also had a partner for some years that was struggling with psychiatric issues but the diagnoses were many and very different. And another partner who had manic episodes. All of them are actually fine. They all gave up drugs, first. Btw I consider alcohol to be a drug as well, and I am not a straight edge kinda person myself.

My way of coping with the pressure I got from these situations was to do “work therapy” as I used to call it. I would work intensively and I felt that it was good for me. This time I knew “work therapy” would not do it. Thankfully at some point in the past I did go to psychotherapy for something totally unrelated and my experience was positive. This time I could say therapy is going even better.

Last time I saw her, it was a few months back. I was told about her incident by a common friend of ours. I am not sure I have the strength to be a carer at this point, I don’t even know if I can be in contact with her. This “work therapy” of mine had the long term effect of having all these previous experiences piled up, and did not contribute in resolving them. The last times we saw each other it kinda triggered all the pain, exhaustion and despair, that got accumulated by all these people I took care of. Something like that.

But my friend needs me. And I know she feels I abandoned her, because I have. Sure, I had to put myself together but this doesn’t change how it made her feel. Now, she is surrounded only by people who either give her drugs or are fine with her abusing any substance. She feels safe in this environment due to habit. And she never liked change, at all. I believe my presence in her life could provide her another point of reference, one that is different to her current approach but in the same time familiar as well.

Of course, I will talk about this with my therapist next week but I would totally appreciate more input. I thought that maybe I could find another group, and maybe if they are fine, I could maybe convince her at some point to come along. The problem is that I am not sure that there is another group like that were I live. I will totally look for it.

If you have any advice or any link with text, audio, video or whatever that you consider relevant, please do share. I hope the above makes some sense, and thank you for taking the time to read this.