I asked my wife if she thought I was autistic. She was surprised at the question because she specifically sought an autistic spouse and had been operating under the assumption for no less than five years.
Where do I find the filter by autism feature on tinder?
We met on an adult literature/fanfiction website, so sorry but I can’t help you there! I suck at dating, she hates dating, and we both have little patience especially with people. We’re basically hermits.
How did it start?
Was it on Archive of our Own?
No it was more niche, but we have both contributed there. I really liked her writing voice. I commented on many of her posts, eventually becoming the one to ask her first if we could work on something together. We partnered up on a few stories and observed that we have a lot in common in how we think and see the world through the challenges our characters faced in the story. We kept open a Chatzy and sometimes Skype (it was the fashion of the time!) for collaboration, and we ended up spending a lot of time just hanging out virtually and not actively focused on the writing. We became friends over about three months and the authorship context slowly became less and less important to our friendship, even though we still write today.
I was in a toxic romantic relationship on the side at that time that came to an abrupt end, and we had the talk about how we seem really compatible. Surely we could have a better relationship than the one I was leaving. I joked with her like: hey, you wanna have a couple of kids for me? And she was like: sure! That makes a lot of sense to me and would be great character development for you.
Great story, thanks
Where do you find shells big enough?
honestly good point; such a thing should exist
😆
I’m curious; did she say why?
She’s a very unique person and thought it would help her prospective spouse understand her needs. She has neurodivergent tendencies.
Glad that worked out for her. Has she ever been interesting in seeing if its just tendencies? That sounds like she might be autistic herself to me
I think it’s more that she doesn’t see the value in putting a label on it, but I would not be surprised if it was something. Practically speaking, I’m not sure any formal diagnosis would help her. She was fortunately always able to live independently, which is not true for everyone, but for that reason I’m not sure how fruitful it would be to pursue.
She has not expressed an interest in exploring her uniqueness in a professional setting.
I’m certainly nowhere near your wife, but I’ve always thought I’m somewhere on the spectrum, but getting a diagnosis wouldn’t impact much. I’m certainly introverted (I loved COVID since it gave me an excuse to avoid people), have manageable social anxiety, and probably a few other related symptoms, but none of that impacts my life in any meaningful way. Of my roommates in college, my “closest” one had been diagnosed w/ Aspergers and was very high functioning (liked social situations, but had to mentally process social cues and would frequently ask if he interpreted them correctly).
I’m guessing a lot of people could be diagnosed somewhere on the spectrum, but don’t bother because it doesn’t impact their lives enough to need any kind of remediation. If you’re happy, able to meet obligations, and have healthy relationships (whatever that means for you), there’s really no need to get a formal evaluation.
She suspected for five years, but that question confirmed it.
Empathy is a hell of a drug.
I had a similar experience.
- Most of my friends were generally similar: straight-shooters, into science, and unique.
- I had a friend whose kid I related to so much, that eventho I am generally pretty bad with kids, they used to ask me for advice on how to address certain issues with him.
- When I was at a farmer’s market, I saw some toys that looked interesting. I asked the salesperson what they were for, and she responded saying that they were for autistic kids because it helps them calm down. I seriously said, “Man, those autistic kids know what’s up.” I bought two of the toys. One was for the kid mentioned above, and the other was for me.
A year later, a friend that is a psychologist tells me that I’m autistic. I get a formal evaluation just to make sure, and yep, I’m certainly autistic. For the next year, all these odd experiences in my life start to make sense:
- I tell my friends and they said that they are autistic too and thought I knew because it was so obvious.
- I learn that flappy hands is an autism thing. The kid mentioned flapped his hands whenever he would get excited. They weren’t necessarily asking me how to raise their kid. They were asking me for advice with autistic traits and issues.
- They toy was a fidget toy, and I bought one for myself because it was soothing… because I am autistic and adhd.
I got in trouble a lot for the flappy hands thing lol
Wtf. Why would anyone care that a kid flaps his hands? To me, it’s so cute and endearing. They are visually communicating how happy and excited they are. It hurts no one, only spreads joy. Sorry you went through that 😕
Because some people interpret it as flamboyantly queer when a male does it.
Even still!
Why give someone heat for that?!
It sounds like you’re asking why assholes act like assholes. It’s a question as old as time
…but why?
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Next time I’ll try and read the room better
one of us. one of us. one of us. ♾️
Oh, I completely agree. It’s vile. That’s just how thoroughly entrenched the homophobia is in “traditional” patriarchal groups. Patriarchy doesn’t like the queer because our very existence undermines the premise of their entire power structure. This is also the same reason that most of these chuds don’t care much for the neurodivergent. We don’t fit into the status quo, typically.
It only led to me masking it, I wouldn’t really say it was traumatising. And it’s probably for the best that I cut out the habit 🤣
However, that’s not where my frustrations lie. My mother contacted my primary school and asked them about it and if I did it during the day or just with my mum around, etc. My mum obviously isn’t an expert in Child psychology, however the school should have probably seen it as a tell-tale sign of autism. Instead they just told me off for doing it. Ironically it became a joke among my friends who just thought “That’s just flax being flax”.
Years later I have finished compulsory education and I am seeing a psychiatric nurse, he just mentions “oh and just to make sure, you have autism by the way?” and it was the first I heard of it. He told me that he had just assumed that I had it. Was put on a several year long waiting list and finally got diagnosed.
Also turns out several family members thought I had it, one who was studying to be a teacher, but my mum just ignored their opinion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (not to rip on her or anything, she just wasn’t as well educated on it, had just assumed all people with autism were low functioning)
I’m happy you’re doing good 😊
Much better than how things used to be. I now feel accomplished when I manage to do a basic task instead of ashamed at my struggle to do it 🤣
Can read the emotion in the text. Thanks for sharing that.
You’re welcome 😊
The way my counsellor put it was “straight people don’t spend a lot of time wondering whether they’re gay”.
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Your experience (of figuring out who you’re attracted to) isn’t the universal experience
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I would argue that your “is active on social media and has an ounce of introspection” applies just as well to the gay/straight spectrum as the neurodivergence spectrum.
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Lol, probably is.
I don’t think anyone loves MTG, which is why she’s so hate-filled… The rest was cute though!
This is the internet and I can’t tell if you’re joking, but in case you’re not: MTG here refers to Magic: The Gathering
I mean, it wasn’t a great joke… But I think we should use MtG to distinguish Magic from the toxic congresswoman-harpy!
Aye
Yeah, I’m having hard time understanding what else it could be. Ddg results are filled with the card game, but there’s 1 news article about some politician in some random shithole country
some politician in some random shithole country
That’s us! So proud…
There’s a US politician of the name Majorie Taylor-Greene, which is the other common option for MTG
Eh, wouldn’t call it common since it’s very much local thing in 1 country/state
If there is an actual girlfriend I hope you are getting that awk awk tua that makes you scream and holler
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Fake: your rules from other social media don’t necessarily apply here. Gay: I checked out your profile to see if we should bang.
Q, that u?
I only just realized in this very second that the acronym of “fake and gay” is… well it’s also gay
Would you say it’s very close to a bundle of sticks?
