How old were you when you began questioning/considering you weren’t “normal”? I’m in my 30s and almost all at once feel like I’m not sure what I am in most demensions and struggling to figure out what I feel about anything. I’ve been married, happily for a while, which adds a little to the confusion.
I felt an attraction to older men around 7 or 8, not in a sexual way but just a general attraction. At 13 had a “girlfriend” online because that was the normal thing to do. One of my other online friends was a lesbian and she explained her attraction toward women. That was my lightbulb moment that I was gay and had a specific attraction toward older men.
Of course that had a slew of problems being a teenager attracted to older men 55+. Overtime I went from bi, to gay, to hating myself, to finally accepting myself and lifting my depression at around 22. I always thought there biggest hurdle was social acceptance, it turns out, it’s self acceptance and being comfortable with who you are.
You should consider seeing a LGBTQ friendly therapist to help unpack how you’re feeling. A therapist is there to help you learn tools to self analyze.
Thankfully, I have a therapist that I believe is an ally. Thank you for your reply. It’s amazing to get so many positive replies so quickly and on a weeknight.